Tag: LGBTQIA+

Let’s Talk About “ace song” by Izzie Burton

As one does, I was scrolling on TikTok, and, thanks to the algorithm knowing me better than I know myself, came across a video of a person using a filter to tell you what asexual stereotype you are (there is also an aromantic one if anyone was curious). I got “You may of thought that wanting sex in high school was overrated.” Now, besides the minor grammatical errors in that statement, that is true, and although that was fun, I was mostly intrigued by the song that played with the filter. Upon my first listen it seemed to be a song about asexuality so I did some investigating (I clicked two buttons) and found out what song it was. Turns out the person who uploaded it was Izzie Burton and it was an ace song, which was literally called “ace song.” I immediately went to Spotify to see if the full version was out. (If you don’t know, a lot of people tease parts of songs on TikTok before they’re released.)

It was out, which was a great surprise to me, because as we all probably know by now, there are not a lot of asexual songs out there. There are a few songs that have been claimed as ace songs, but many of them are not written by people who identify as asexual. So, I was very interested to see what this song was about.

Unfortunately, “ace song” is not a happy song, but it was certainly one that represented the ace experience well. I decided it was only necessary to do an analysis of the song (being the English major that I am) and discuss the importance of ace voices.

To me, this song was the opposite of “We’ll Never Have Sex,” a song written by Leith Ross celebrating asexuality. “ace song” was a really cool alternate version of the ace experience. “We’ll Never Have Sex” is one of my favorite songs, discussing a simple relationship filled with love for the sake of love, without sex. However, it’s very important to have multiple narratives of asexuality. There seems to be (with a lot of minority experiences) a single narrative. There are assumptions made about the community that aren’t always true. “ace song” gives another experience of a relationship and the truth that ace relationships can be challenging and upsetting.

Izzie Burton is a singer who has been releasing music on all streaming platforms since 2022. She produces very stripped down songs with minimal production where her voice is the prevalent instrument. “ace song” is accompanied by a soft guitar track. I haven’t been able to find the full lyrics online so the lyrics here are simply what I heard.

The song starts out with the lyrics “I don’t want to kiss you, or maybe I do,” and damn we’re getting right into a classic ace experience. I personally relate heavily to this line, as an ace who likes the idea of kissing, but doesn’t actively participate in it. I want to want to kiss people. It sounds fun and romantic. But the actual idea of kissing someone makes me feel icky and uncomfortable.

That line is followed by “You said that you understood/I don’t think you do.” Burton seems to be singing about a romantic partner in this song, but this line is universal in the ace experience. No one, besides other aces, understand the ace experience. It’s quite a niche identity, and experiencing sexual attraction is portrayed as a universal experience. To no fault of their own, some of the most important people in my life will never know how I truly experience life. My mom and sister and best friends will never truly understand no matter how much research they do. They simply will never experience asexuality.

Later, Burton sings “I just want love.” Arguably, that’s what everyone wants. It doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual, but everyone wants to feel loved and accepted. When wondering about her feelings of love, she asks “But is it something I’m not capable of?” Although this is an ace experience, it reminds me of the aromantic experience, and the difficulty aros face with feeling like something might be wrong with them because they don’t experience romantic attraction (which there is obviously nothing wrong about that, aro people slay).

It seems that her partner seemed like a good fit, but Burton reveals that they are not when she sings “I thought you’d be different/that made it just hurt worse.” I understood this relationship to be one where Burton dates someone who is allosexual. They claim to respect her asexuality, but yet their actions say otherwise, hurting Burton more than a simple rejection of her asexuality from the start.

Then we have the most painful line: “But when you said something’s wrong/we both know that you meant me.” WOAH. I was nearly in tears hearing that for the first time. Burton expresses the painful realization that her partner isn’t happy in the relationship, and the blame is put on her due to her asexuality. Being an ace person, I can’t help but wonder if my asexuality, something I can’t control, is what deters people from dating me. Would people be interested in me if I wasn’t ace? Is my asexuality going to leave me alone and unloved? It’s a difficult thing to work through, and Burton lays the truth out so simply through such a difficult situation. I can imagine that nothing hurts worse than being rejected for a core part of who you are. This is definitely a large reason many ace people feel broken or not good enough, because our allonormative society views sex as a necessary part of relationships.

The last verse reminds me of Phoebe Bridger’s “Waiting Room.” In that song, Bridgers repeats the line “Know it’s for the better,” nearly forty times until the listener becomes numb to the sound. Although Burton doesn’t sing her line nearly that much, she does repeat the line “Just hold me, could that be enough?” quite a bit. The repetition of this line portrays her deep desire for acceptance and a relationship without sex. I relate to this line heavily, as I too desire a relationship where love is shown through simple forms of physical touch like being held by the person you love.

Anyway. Another day another ace analysis. I think this song is super slay and a great emotional song about the ace experience. I hope Izzie comes out with more songs about her ace identity. I know myself and other ace community members appreciate her art and look forward to more.

You can listen to the song on YouTube here.

My Recent Queer Soapboxes – Harry Styles Queerbaiting, the “Right” way to be Queer, and Internalized Homophobia

There’s a few different discourses in the queer community that really get my blood boiling, so today I decided to take that opportunity to discuss them all with you.

Harry Styles is Queerbaiting

Many people seem to be convinced that singer-songwriter Harry Styles (he needs no introduction, we all know the man) is queerbaiting, which, if you don’t know, is a marketing technique when a company or platform hints at queer romance or representation without actually portraying it in order to pull in a larger audience.

However, Harry Styles is not queerbaiting. Why? Because people can’t queerbait.

Who can queerbait? Companies, entertainers, and marketers.

People are not a commodity. People do not owe anyone their sexuality.

Many people feel that Harry is not doing anything for the queer community, even though he presents himself in a very androgynous way. He wears color and glitter, he was on the cover of Vogue in a dress. He waves pride flags around on stage and helps fans come out at his concerts.

The people who think he is not queer clearly know nothing about him. They don’t know about his song “She,” they don’t know that he doesn’t label his sexuality, and they certainly don’t know about the Larry fan theories (not that I’m suggesting those are real).

Harry Styles has never confirmed his sexuality because he has never labeled it. Additionally, just because Harry presents himself in a certain way doesn’t actually say anything about his sexuality.

“Well, he’s only been seen dating women. He must be straight.”

Assuming Harry Styles is straight because he has only been seen dating women is biphobic. Just because he has only publicly dated women does not mean he has not privately dated men. He doesn’t have to date the same gender as him to prove his queerness. A bisexual or queer person dating a member of the opposite gender does not make them straight, just like dating a member of their same gender does not make them exclusively gay or lesbian. Harry could only date women for the rest of his life and if he experienced attraction to men or people outside the binary, doesn’t make him any less queer.

“Okay, even if he is queer, he hasn’t done anything for the queer community. He never speaks about queer issues.”

Let us all be reminded that Harry Styles is a singer, not an activist, although many artists are activists, that is not the job they signed up for. Yes, Harry has a huge following and has influence over millions of fans. That does not mean he has to become a political figure. He is simply a singer and songwriter. It is important that people with big followings know their power, and that is why many celebrities speak out on issues important to them. However, that is not their job they signed up for, and it is not the role they have to fill. We don’t know what Harry is doing in his private life. And heck, the man is probably voting to support queer issues, which is one of the most important things anyone can do.

Harry is often compared to the love of my life light on this earth Conan Lee Gray. For some reason, people can validate Conan’s queerness, but not Harry’s. Because Conan has exclusively said he doesn’t label his sexuality, and often shows queerness in his music videos by portraying same sex couples, or showing himself interested in people in members of the same sex, his unlabeled queerness is accepted. He also almost exclusively writes lyrics with gender neutral pronouns, and when he does use binary pronouns, the outcome is usually queer in itself.

For example in his song “The Exit,” off of his sophomore album Superache, Cone sings “You love her, it’s over.” Here the pronoun suggests that the person he dated is queer. If it was a straight presenting relationship and he dated a girl, he would be singing about the girl falling in love with another girl after Cone and her broke up. Or, if he was dating a boy, the boy would like girls and boys because they had dated Conan.

This portrayal of queerness, as well as Cone’s androgynous style and pride-flag-waving at concerts allows people to accept his queerness even though he typically does not speak out about the queer community (although he has in a few interviews). Suddenly, when Harry does many of these things, it’s seen as queerbaiting, which is a dangerous double standard.

If You Haven’t Faced Discrimination, You’re Not Queer

I see this a lot in ace discourse, and that is that ace people can’t possibly be queer because they’re not discriminated against. First of all, that right there is discrimination because you’re dismissing our identity as queer. And secondly, being queer is not a competition of who has it the hardest. Basing queerness on who is the most oppressed is a dangerous and invalidating game.

The only reason we’re discriminated against is because of people holding up the cisheteropatriarchy. The people who cause us the most harm are straight, cisgender, white people.

The only thing that makes you queer is your experiences outside the cisgender and heterosexual experience. Asexuals are queer because we experience attraction outside of the norm. Something as simple as our existence and our different approaches to romantic and sexual relationships puts us outside of the binary. Our relationship to our sexuality impacts our gender expression and experiences in a cisgender heterosexual world.

Not to mention that many ace people are not straight or cisgender. And for the aces who are, it’s up to them to decide if queer is a label they want to use.

Additionally, the Oppression Olympics allows queer people to continue to be discriminated against by straight people in order to prove our querness. Just because I haven’t been hate-crimed doesn’t mean I’m any less gay than someone who, unfortunately, has.

Internalized Homophobia is the Queer Person’s Fault

We see this a lot with politicians, where supposedly straight anti gay male politicians are caught having sex with a man. Oh my god! They’ve been queer all along! That’s why they’re homophobic! It’s because they can’t accept themselves!

This then leads people to believe that everyone who is homophobic is secretly gay. Is it true that there are people who are homophobic because they’re suffering with internalized homophobia? Yes, of course. But simply saying that every homophobic person is gay places the blame entirely on queer people.

Assuming that every homophobic person is gay allows the blame to be placed onto a marginalized community and never lets the true oppressor take fault for their violent actions.

Are secret gay people really the ones murdering trans women? Assaulting lesbian couples? Misgendering and bullying nonbinary kids to the point of suicide? No.

Racist people aren’t racist because they’re secretly Black. That logic makes no sense.

Homophobia is a systemic issue, and is being upheld by straight, cisgender, white men. The only people who should be blamed for homophobia are the people who are actively hurting the queer community.

There’s a “Right” Way to be Queer

Apparently there’s a “right” way to be queer. Sure, we can get married and adopt kids. Yeah, transexual people should be gendered correctly. Sure, we can dye our hair and hold hands with the person we love.

But, god forbid we exist outside of the gender binary, or use neopronouns, or look too alternative, because suddenly we’re making the community look like a joke. Straight people won’t take us seriously. Republicans will continue to vote against us if we aren’t “normal.”

Spoiler alert: there’s no “right” way to be queer. Queerness exists on a spectrum, and that experience looks different for everyone.

Let us all remember that social media is not real. It is all online. It is not what you see in real life. I see a lot of online discourse from people within the queer community saying that there are queer people who we “do not claim.” These are typically gender nonconforming people who have extravagant makeup and use neopronouns that we see on social media. While some people might not understand this, the truth of the matter is that people within the community worry they are ruining our credibility to non-queer people.

Their logic is that straight people can understand those who are gay and lesbian, maybe trans people too, but when people use bug/bugself neopronouns, that’s a step too far. That is too queer, and it makes the “normal” queer people look like idiots. Because surely if we call our friend by their neopronouns and their chosen name is Stick, then we’re just hopping on the gay agenda.

The truth is that these people are never going to accept us. Also, it just doesn’t matter. These people we see online who are supposedly being queer in the “wrong” way are just that, online. The people I’ve met in real life who are trans or nonbinary or have chosen their name and use neopronouns are real genuine people. They are kind and cool and, shockingly, not that different from me. They simply want to exist and be supported. Frankly, everyone does, no matter your gender or sexuality.

For laughs and giggles, let’s say you do meet a real person who uses bug/bugself pronouns, and wears a ton of eyeliner and makes those weird movements you see on TikTok. They’re probably fine people. And if they’re not, if they’re hating on allo/cishet people and are mad when people misgender them, assuming everyone understands neopronouns, that’s on them. No one is going to understand your identity right away. As much as you want them to, as upsetting as it is, that’s life. Plus there are a ton of “normal” (aka cis/het) people who are weirdos. There are “normal” people who are crazy. Whacko! Insane! Look at the politicians we elect and the people we support! Look at the woman running the Libs of TikTok account calling out random school teachers and queer people for existing or having pride flags in their classrooms. She targets these normal people and then allows her followers to harass them on social media, and spread their personal information revealing their home address and place of employment. Then she claims her account is not responsible for her fans calling in bomb threats to schools! That’s pretty freakin’ whack.

These groups queer people are trying to win over are mostly Republicans, and in their eyes the only “right” way to be queer is to not be queer at all.

Republicans aren’t going to accept their quiet next door lesbian neighbors, and they sure as hell aren’t going to support their idea of queer people which is cat-litter-using-furry-plant-named gen Z kids.

Harry Styles isn’t queerbaiting. Oppression isn’t a competition. Internalized homophobia is not our fault, and there is no right way to be queer.

Asexual Books You Should and Shouldn’t Read

As an English major, an asexual, and a writer, I think it is only fitting that I discuss what asexual books are good, and which ones are…not so good. Now, I have obviously not read every book about asexuality to ever exist, but I have read a couple, and I definitely have opinions on them. I am always looking to read more about asexual characters and experiences, so maybe one day we’ll have a part two.

Also, there is an issue with underrepresentation with ace stories, so my selection to choose form is not incredibly large. However there are a good number of ace stories I haven’t read, and definitely plan to work my way through.

Anyway, here are the books on asexuality that you should and shouldn’t read:

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex – Angela Chen

Ace was the first book I read on asexuality, and arguably the most well known book about the ace experience. I really enjoyed this book, and out of all the books I’ve listed, I found this one the most educational. There were some personal stories shared by the author about her romantic partner that I found frustrating to read. That was mostly due to the author’s insecurity and struggle with her ace identity. It was a very personal thing to include, it just wasn’t relatable to me as an ace person. She discussed great points of intersectionality in the community such as race, gender nonconformity, and disability. This was certainly the most thought provoking read on asexuality.

Rating: 4.5/5 (I previously gave this book a 10/10 when I talked about it here but I think that might be a touch too high).

Would I recommend it? Yes! I would recommend this to people in the community, other queer people, and allies looking for a deep dive into understanding the ace experience.

Would I read again? Yes!

I Am Ace – Cody Daigle-Orians

I Am Ace is written by social media content creator Cody Daigle-Orians. Cody is best known for their YouTube Channel, Ace Dad Advice. I occasionally watch their videos and decided to read their book to support an ace creator, my local bookstores, and to see if I, a reasonably well-educated ace, could learn anything from a book that was deemed one for “beginners.”

Turns out I had so many more opinions than I thought I would.

First of all, I hate the font. The font is weird and not dark enough and there is so much space in the margins and the words that are too big just jump all the way down to the next line leaving big awkward gaps where words are supposed to be. There were a lot of sentences in parentheticals which felt odd to me. The format of the book itself felt out of place. There were big bold questions and bullet points and lists and it didn’t read like a novel at times.

Additionally, and this is something I’ve found throughout Cody’s content, there was a lot of repetition about the stereotypes of asexuality. Listen, it is important to bring awareness to stereotypes and prejudices in the community, but as an ace person who has heard those, and has never experienced them myself, it was quite annoying. I don’t need to be reminded that people think I’m broken and weird. And even if I had heard those things about my sexuality, I don’t need to be reminded of it!

There were also a lot of bad analogies and ones that just didn’t make sense to me.

I learned about fictosexual and felt aphobic. Fictosexual is where people only experience sexual attraction to fictional characters and not people…listen…I’m all for supporting other aces…but are some of these micro labels going a bit too far?!

There were a few good things about this book. The personal anecdotes Cody told about themselves and their partners were interesting. There were some good discussions at times about ace joy and experiences, but overall the cons outweigh the pros.

Rating: 2/5

Would I recommend it? Probably not. I could see this beginning good for an ally wanting an introduction to quality, but honestly there are better books.

Would I read again? No.

A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexuality – Molly Muldoon and Will Hernandez

This book was exactly what it was titled. This was a graphic novel written by two aces to give new or younger aces an introduction into the community.

I read it in one sitting and even had my mom read it who found it educational but also confusing.

Because it was a beginner guide I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to learn, but even I learned something new! Turns out axolotls are a mascot for the ace community. I don’t know exactly why, probably because of the ace-olotl meme. But I don’t really need a reason. They’re cool so I’ll take them.

The only thing this book didn’t discuss was the more inner-community jokes and stereotypes such as aces love cake and garlic bread (those things were on the cover but weren’t discussed at length). It didn’t mention ace rings, but honestly I could see them making a part two and it would be really cute.

Rating: 4/5

Would I recommend it? Yes! This book would be great for anyone. Aces, allos, other queer people, young people, older people, everyone!

Would I read again? Yes but it was so short and simple I didn’t feel the need to go out of my way to relearn anything or revisit it because I knew a lot already.

Gender Queer: a Memoir – Maia Kobabe

I got this book for free at school during banned book week and read it in one day

While writing this post I decided to read the reviews, and oh boy were people mad. Now, I don’t know what libraries this book was in, but according to some very angry people it was in elementary school libraries.

I doubt that.

However, if it were, people definitely have a right to be mad because this book is not for kids, however it is definitely for those over the age of thirteen, and if this were in a high school library that would be acceptable. There are some sexual images, but honestly they were quite mild. If I, a sex averse ace, can handle them certainly an allosexual 60 year old republican can too.

This book was good, I can see this book being important for those figuring out their gender. This person shared real struggles,and although they were not ones I faced, and I sometimes did not agree with how e handled things, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad book. This was one person’s real experience, and e are obviously a talented individual who just wanted to share eir story.

No, this book was not indoctrinating kids. No, this book was not pornography as some angry republicans think. This book is for teenagers and adults looking to read a book about someone who isn’t a cisgender straight white man.

Out of all the books I read on this list this one is the least about asexuality. Although the author is asexual, this story was more about eir journey to figure out eir gender and eir asexuality was more of a subplot. This was also the only book I’ve read where someone uses exclusively neopronouns. At times the author seemed to be a bit insecure and lacked confidence to truly express themselves. This is obviously a relatable issue, but can be somewhat difficult (and by difficult I mean kind of annoying) to read. This person also talked about eir experience with receiving pap smears, and honestly I hope they talk to someone about it because they had an awful experience. I do think however they could have included more about how e should have handled that because it came across as scary and painful and overall bad, perpetuating the idea that reproductive health is scary and something you should avoid which is not a message we need to be sending.

Rating: 3/5

Would I recommend it? Sure!

Would I read again? Probably not. It was good but personally I’m not a big graphic novel person so I don’t typically reach for this kind of book.

Loveless – Alice Oseman

I talked (or yelled) about this novel here.

As for fictional books representing asexuality, this is probably the most popular, and for good reasons. This is the only book on this list where the character is also aromantic. I usually read books about asexual alloromantic characters because that speaks to my experience the most. The diversity in this book was great, the topics discussed were relatable, and friendship was prioritized.

Rating: 5/5

Would I recommend it? Yes 100%!

Would I read again? Definitely. Everytime I see this book in stores I think about how I want to reread it.

I’m currently reading Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda Brown, so I’m sure one day I’ll have another post dedicated to ace books. Until then!

Sex Education’s New Asexual Character Isn’t What Asexual Viewers Wanted

This post contains discussion of the fourth season of Sex Education and spoilers are included. Read at your own risk!

Sarah “O” Owens is Sex Education’s new and explicitly asexual character. She’s edgy, a woman of color, and a sex therapist. She’s breaking stereotypes of what it means for someone to be asexual. Heck, asexual activist Yasmin Benoit worked with the show to create the script to create O. This was an opportunity for asexuality to be portrayed positively in an extremely popular television show.

I was so excited. I knew if Yasmin, a creator I’ve been following for well over a year, created this character, she was going to be awesome.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I dislike this character immensely. She’s mean. She’s cold. She’s a bully.

All and all, she is unlikeable.

Now, from my understanding this wasn’t supposed to be the case. Yasmin took to Instagram a few days after the new season was aired stating that “some important moments were cut out or changed” from the original script, making O out to be a less likable character. According to the comments on that post by other aces, they find this is upsetting, but not surprising.

Important aspects of the character, including intersectionality of race, privilege, and acephobia were cut from the show. Yasmin states that “There was meant to be a scene of O receiving acephobic bullying in camp & deflecting by shifting focus to Ruby.” Unfortunately these lines were removed, and O was made out to be a bully, making fun of her friends to seemingly fit in with the other popular girls at camp when the girls were younger.

Yasmin even goes to say that “portraying an asexual character as inherently “cold” was dangerous.” I agree. We all know there are many asexual stereotypes out there, and portraying an explicit ace character as someone rude and selfish continues to push the narrative that asexual people are emotionless, robotic, and broken.

Understandably, “O was not meant to be a villain. She was a WOC being pushed out of a space she had found success in by a white guy who thought he deserved to be there more than her.” O does come across unlikeable, but that isn’t too shocking for the show. Many of the characters make frustrating decisions and at times are unlikeable, however, O seemed to have no likable qualities until later in the show.

Supposedly, O was “meant to be the target of a petty smear campaign that led her to being outed.” Some scenes from the episode where O was outed must have been changed, because as a viewer, and most importantly as an ace person, it did not seem crucial for O to come out in front of the entire school. I watched this episode, cringing at the debate knowing that O was going to come out, but praying that it wouldn’t happen. It was too predictable. The idea made me uncomfortable. Obviously it still happened.

There’s a scene where Otis and O are stuck in an elevator, or lift, as the British say, and they’re forced to talk to each other even though they’re rivals, campaigning to win the spot to have the only on-campus sex clinic. Why can’t there be two clinics…I guess that wouldn’t make for a good plot.

During this scene, O reveals how she just wanted to fit in with the other kids, and deeply regrets what she did to Ruby. She began learning about sex to seem educated around her peers, which became a passion for her and she ended up starting her clinic. Sadly, she asks “Who wants to have sex advice from someone who doesn’t have sex?”

Obviously, I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. I’m glad they portrayed the isolation that many aces feel, including myself. It is really strange to have everyone around you feel the same way, and you be the only one who doesn’t understand.

During this conversation Otis asks her if she said she was ace just to make him look bad, suggesting she is lying about her sexuality. I had a visceral reaction to this comment, cringing at how ignorant and aphobic it was. This was obviously meant to highlight aphobia and teach Otis, as well as the viewers how many ace people feel isolated, and aphobic comments do a lot of harm.

Finally, O seemed to come around after a more touching scene. She became friendlier with everyone, including Otis, who let O have her clinic on campus after seeing how much it meant to her.

I’m obviously upset that this character who was explicitly ace was very unlikeable. I really wanted a relatable ace character, and I feel as though I did not relieve that. O is breaking a lot of stereotypes for what it means to be asexual, and I so appreciate that, however I wish she did what the community expected of her.

This just goes to show that asexual representation is needed even more, and the media needs to put in more work to represent our community.

Hyper-Femininity, the Male Gaze, and Androgyny – How I Express my Sexuality Through Clothing

As I’ve talked about many times before, it’s difficult for me to articulate my gender in a way I feel makes sense. That’s because I feel a connection between my sexuality as as queer ace person and how I present myself as a person. Simply put, I express my sexuality through my clothing, so even though I’m a cisgender female, I also just simply feel like a queer asexual person as a whole. My asexuality allows me to see the world differently, so I don’t see people as being sexually attractive, and therefore don’t see myself as a sexual being. I’m simply just a gal living life who is queer.

Additionally, I know how my presentation is being read out in the world by the masses. I look very, very feminine a lot of the time. A lot of the time what feels feminine to me, what feels androgynous or masculine on my body, is not necessarily perceived from others the way it is perceived by me, the person picking out, wearing, and enjoying my clothes.

I would put my style into two categories: the first being a woodland fairy, and the second being a slightly emo middle school boy. The former is where I wear lots of earth tones, long skirts, little lacy tank tops, and of course extravagant matching eye shadow. The ladder is where I throw on jorts and a band t-shirt, probably with some eyeliner or a darker makeup look.

Some days I want to dress in a more masculine or androgynous way, and I’ve know I’ve won when my sister (in a joking way of course) says I “look like a they/them today.” Although that might not be the most politically correct way for her to say that, what she’s really saying is that I look queer and androgynous, so I take it as a compliment.

I love both of these looks equally, and recently have been really into doing my makeup. All through high school I did my makeup every single morning, but when I got to college, I didn’t bother. Why wear makeup when I could sleep in and hit ten hours of sleep? My second semester I did my makeup occasionally, and now, back at school for my sophomore year, I do it everyday.

I wear makeup because it’s fun. Just like painting my nails, which I religiously do, I use it to express myself, my creativity, and my queerness. I do understand that this makes me present as a very feminine person. I have long hair with streaks of orange, I wear full face of makeup, and my nails are long and always painted, obviously with rings stacked on my fingers.

Side note, I’ve never worn makeup because I felt like I had to, or because I wouldn’t be pretty without it. I wear makeup because yes, it’s a confidence booster, but it makes me feel good and I love the process of applying it, so I wear it for myself as cliche as that is. Just like my clothing, it’s a way for me to express myself no matter what other people think. But, I will say, I think people are impressed by my makeup, and when I do more extravagant looks with glitter and color, I do receive compliments. So it’s nice to know other people appreciate my artistry and self expression even if green eye shadow isn’t the most conventional look.

However, doing all of these things doesn’t make me feel more feminine as one might think. It doesn’t make me feel more like a girl. It simply makes me feel like me.

Long story short, I say all this to illustrate the point that just because I dress feminine a lot of the time, doesn’t necessarily mean I identify a lot with femininity. Although I do, a large part of my disconnect is due to my queerness and asexuality. I do not fit in the cisgender heterosexual idea of femininity because I am not those things. In the world of young female adults, I fit into some areas 100%, while others I am extremely disconnected from.

Also recently I’ve been incredibly annoyed with being referred to as certain feminine identifiers. For example, at my last job, my boss would say “Bye girls!” and the emphasis on girls felt really condescending. Or if a waiter says “What can I get you ladies?” First of all, you’re assuming the parties genders, and yeah, call me a snowflake, but my rule of thumb is, if someone looks queer, don’t assume their gender. And that’s probably just a personal annoyance, but oh well. Secondly, there’s a stupid patriarchal connotation with feminine words being less than, and even though I for one know women are not less than men, it feels…icky.

Recently I’ve been super interested in the idea of hyper-femininity. The other day, when I was doing research (kidding I was scrolling on TikTok) I heard someone say how cool it was that hyper-femininity is queer.

This blew my mind! I absolutely love that because dressing in a hyper femme way (one might call this a bimbo and, for example, where sexual clothing, pink, lots of glitter and heavy makeup) rejects the patriarchy because women, or people, are self aware of their femininity and they take control over it. Their clothing becomes politically conscious and they are empowered through sexuality and autonomy. (One would argue that this also submits to the patriarchy due to people dressing in a sexualized feminine way, which is what men want but I chose to ignore that claim).

In a way, this rejects the male gaze because men don’t typically go for the girl wearing bright pink eye shadow and matching earrings. And as a queer person, that’s pretty awesome.

When I first came out my style changed a bit, and became a bit more androgynous. I wanted to dress and look like other queer people did, so I dyed my hair, I wore flannels, and I bought rainbow shoes. I did things that read obviously queer. I wore love is love shirts. Now, I did this for myself. I have never, and will never, dress in a way that doesn’t make me feel like me, or dress in a way that pleases other people. I dressed stereotypically queer to make myself feel confident in my sexuality, and there is nothing wrong with that. I didn’t want to feel straight, and certain styles made me feel that way.

Now I am the most confident in my sexuality I have ever been, and my style makes me feel as queer as ever. I can never imagine not having dyed hair, or not wearing funky earrings and doing my makeup with bright, bold colors.

People have been assuming my sexuality my whole life, and there are certain ways people dress where people don’t assume your sexuality. Tomboys must be lesbians, and feminine boys must be gay. What about me? What about queer aces? Now I dress in a way that reads as queer, simply because I am queer. My clothes are queer because I am a queer person. My clothes are queer because they are on a queer body. My music taste and activities I do are queer because I am a queer person. I see the world through a queer lens because that is who I am.

Also, it’s finally come to my attention that I don’t dress for the male gaze. That might seem like a ridiculous statement after all of the things I’ve said, but men are weird and I don’t really understand them, so I often wondered why I’ve never been hit on by a man, or received any sort of male attention (not that I want it by any means, I was simply curious). Turns out, it’s because my appearance isn’t what men want. As I write this, I’m wearing more blush than Trixie Mattel, and my eye shadow is purple and green, and my hair has recently been dyed bright orange. That’s not what most men find conventionally attractive. Of course there is always an exception, and some certainly do, but the majority seem to want the long blonde hair, basic Lululemon wearing teenage girls that surround me at university. There’s nothing wrong with that style obviously, it’s just not me, and it is what straight cisgender men typically want. These girls wear natural makeup, if any, they have natural hair colors, and they wear leggings and crop tops. If I’m going to wear makeup, you’re going to notice. And if I’m in a boring outfit, it’s because I’m at the gym or in my pajamas going to bed.

However, thanks to the patriarchy, I am also a subject for male fantasy. I’m queer. I’m asexual. I’m unattainable. I’m a challenge. Some men would want to win the sex-rejecting sapphic. Thankfully I don’t know any men like that, and I try not to think about it because that is truly disgusting.

This was the second time I’ve written this blog post, so for my sanity, I hope it makes sense. All in all, there’s a direct correlation between my sexuality and my gender expression. That’s all I’ve got for this week, so until them, stay gay or *insert a better outro than that.*

I Tried out “Asexual Friendly” Dating Apps

For the sake of science I decided to try online dating…again.

We all know I had quite the time on Tinder (if you didn’t know that you can read about it here) and since then I have not had any romantic encounters or ventured onto any other dating apps. However, the other day my dear friend, Rana, who was a part of the Tinder Experiment asked me if there was an asexual dating app.

An ace dating app?! That was something I had never even thought of, so I quickly went onto the World Wide Web to check it out.

And to my disappointment, there was not one.

However, upon further research (aka skimming Reddit) I was informed about two dating apps that were portrayed as “asexual friendly” so I decided to do what any curious ace does, and download them. The apps recommended were HER and Taimi, but the first app that popped up when I researched Taimi was Zoe, and Taimi had poor reviews, so I downloaded Zoe as well as HER. There was another dating app I got ads for a lot on Tiktok, but I couldn’t remember the name, so these were the only two I looked at.

I first downloaded HER and did all the things. I made my little profile, put my name and pronouns, and uploaded a few pictures. I gave the basic information: I’m asexual and queer, 19, an Aquarius, I don’t drink or smoke, etc etc. My bio said “probs crocheting and listening to conan gray :).” Very creative? No. Very accurate? I’d have to say yes.

After that I began my swiping. Now, the following I’m going to say might be kinda rude. But I’m being honest about my experience, so here goes.

Everyone was ugly. Half of the pictures I swiped on looked like they had been taken on a toaster, and the other half seemed to be people trying to look hot or cool by including pictures of their boobs or them smoking. And sure…that’s what some people like, but that’s not my cup of tea.

Additionally, a lot of the people were overweight, and as someone who prioritizes their health and is at the gym five days a week, that was quite a turn off.

Because of all of that, I ended up swiping left on everyone. I know I have a somewhat specific type, but geez, how hard is it to upload a picture of your entire face, not just half?! It must have been an off day in the world of online dating because it wasn’t the cream of the crop as they say.

Listen, I’m clearly not an online dating pro…or even really an enthusiast, but come on. Like, at least choose a good picture for your profile?! And don’t even get me started on the people who just posted memes or pictures of their cat.

HER was basically the same experience as Tinder. I didn’t find people very attractive, no one was my type, and I permanently deleted my account.

I didn’t have much hope for the next app, but I did decide I wanted to try and keep it a bit longer than the first one because I downloaded HER for approximately ten minutes. I know I know, not a very good experiment, but what can I say, I’m an English major, not a STEM girly.

Zoe was a bit easier to navigate than HER, although I did have to add all the info about myself manually, the app didn’t direct me to it, plus the selections I could make for my interests were pretty limited. There wasn’t even a single option for crafts, crocheting, or CrossFit!

Also I couldn’t figure out how to get the distance out of kilometers so I actually had no idea how far away anyone was. I ended up swiping left on every single one of the people within a fifty kilometer radius of me, so I had to expand it to one hundred…which put my potential suitors out of state.

Much to my surprise, I actually saw one person who I thought was somewhat attractive so I swiped right. And a bit later a second because, for science, I should probably swipe on more people. Unfortunately they didn’t match with me, so after about thirty minutes I deleted the app.

So, are these “asexual friendly” dating apps actually good for ace people?

For what I was looking for, no.

There wasn’t an option to seek out other aces or just people looking for a nonsexual relationship which is what I would prefer. Having a specific section for romantic relationships would also eliminate a lot of the people looking for friends with benefits, a third, an experiment, or the people who put a whole lot of boob in their photos.

Is it possible to meet someone on these apps? Well yeah, of course. I personally don’t see myself turning to dating apps for a couple reasons. One, at the moment I’m perfectly happy being single. Maybe if I was a bit older, instead of a literal teenager I would put a bit more effort into finding a significant other. But let’s be real, what’s the chance I meet the love of my life at nineteen? Unless I’m actually in the year 1950 or unbeknownst to me, attending BYU, I’m gonna say pretty darn unlikely.

Secondly, I would prefer to meet someone in person. However, that doesn’t mean in the future I won’t try online dating, and heck, maybe my blog post in a couple months will be how I’m in the happiest relationship ever thanks to online dating. You never know what the universe has in store.

Now, it would be interesting if I met someone I actually liked on these apps, and instead had a story about how I’m talking to someone and excited about it, but alas, that is not my current situation. And honestly, I didn’t expect it to be. I downloaded the apps to see if I could easily meet other ace people, with a pretty sure hunch I wouldn’t. And I was right.

What did we learn from this experiment?

Someone needs to make a dating app for asexuals, or at least a dating app where one can filter the exact type of relationship they’re looking for.

I also learned that a lot of people on dating apps are high key uggo and don’t know how to post good pictures of themselves.

Also, a lot of people are overweight and smoke and drink.

I am never one to lower my standards, and honestly, anytime I hear someone say to anyone that their standards are too high or they should, god forbid, settle, my standards go up out of spite.

Alright. That’s all the info I got. Maybe my next blog post will be about a great new ace dating app I found, but until then, I’ll be staying away from online dates.

Your Burning Questions – Answering Very Specific and Personal Questions About My Asexuality

It’s been a while since my last blog post so here I am, today with a very specific and detailed account of my asexuality. It has come to my attention that even my very closest friends still don’t exactly understand my asexuality, so today I will be answering questions they have asked me and other questions other asexuals seem to receive quite frequently.

Now, here are two disclaimers before we begin. The first is my usual one. I am but one little asexual in the world of thousands, if not millions of us. This is just the experience of one asexual, and I do not speak for the whole community. My answers might resonate with other aces, but alas, they will not be the same for every ace person out there.

The other is that these questions are ones I have been asked by people who care about me and are trying to learn about my experience, or questions I came up with that I thought people might have. That’s to say these probably aren’t very appropriate questions to ask every ace person you meet, just like you wouldn’t ask a straight allosexual person about their sex life five minutes after meeting them. However, we all know that I share practically everything about my asexuality on the internet, so basically no questions are off limits for me.

In case you’ve forgotten or you’re new to my blog, I am asexual and queer. I technically don’t label my romantic orientation but I use terms such as gay and queer loosely to describe my romantic attraction to women and gender nonconforming people. I have liked boys in the past, but I don’t typically experience romantic attraction to them.

One piece of information that might be helpful to know before you read these questions is the split attraction model; a model that recognizes that romantic and sexual orientation are not the same for some people.

The main types of attraction I’ll be talking about is my lack of sexual attraction, my obvious romantic attraction, as well as platonic and aesthetic.

Nevertheless, here are some very specific answers to your burning questions about asexuality:

What do you want in a relationship?

I want a romantic relationship. I know everyone says this, but I want my partner to be my best friend, probably a little seriously more than your average person. I say this because of the comfort level with my friends. We insult each other, give each other brutally honest advice, make unhinged jokes, be comfortable in silence, and just enjoy their presence. I want my entire future romantic relationship to feel like that, without the strange pressure of trying to impress a significant other. However, I think some of the pressure is automatically removed from my relationships due to my lack of sexual attraction.

I want to be with someone who feels like a best friend with added romantic elements such as hand holding, cuddling, living together, and raising pet children. Yes, you could do that platonically, but I feel a desire to do that with someone who I love romantically. I am also not physically affectionate to my friends in any way, so I would reserve physical touch to be a way to express my love for a significant other. Hopefully that answers another common question of “How is your relationship different from a friendship?”

Do you want to have sex?

No.

Why not?

I simply do not have the capability to feel that way towards someone. Just like how people are gay, they just simply don’t feel the same way about the opposite gender. I just wasn’t made that way.

Here’s a metaphor for you: allosexual people are hungry. Asexual people are full of food. I’m never hungry. I don’t crave even one more bite to eat. Sure, I could try some food. If I really wanted to, I could physically eat. But my body and brain aren’t telling me to eat, so I’m not going to because eating more would make me feel way too full and uncomfortable. That’s how I feel about sex. Why do it if I don’t have a desire to?

Will you ever have sex?

No. I feel as time goes on and I understand my asexuality more, sex becomes something I want to do less. I’m gonna be a virgin for life, and I’m chill with that.

What if your partner is not asexual?

If I happen to date someone who is not asexual, they would have to be okay with having a completely nonsexual relationship. And if they wanted a sexual relationship then I would be open to the idea of an open relationship so my hypothetical future partner could sleep with however they wanted because they weren’t gettin’ any from me.

Would you feel guilty that you can’t satisfy your partner?

I’ve thought about this a lot, and a lot plays into my answer. First, we’re going to assume that I have met the perfect person. The one. The love of my life. The person I am going to marry. My one true love! And in this scenario, let’s pretend they are allosexual. They want to have sex. They enjoy sex. However, they are perfectly content with having a nonsexual relationship even though they do experience sexual attraction. Let’s even say that this relationship is monogamous, and my hypothetical partner doesn’t feel the need to sleep with other people. Long story short, this person is perfect for me.

Yes. I think I would feel some type of guilt. Only because I know how important sex is to people, although it is not the most important thing, I don’t think many people would disagree that it is a big part of their relationship. Knowing that, and knowing if my partner was not with me they would be doing that, I would feel some sort of sadness that that is something I cannot give to them. Heck, at times I want to be able to do that, it seems fun and romantic and intimate. But, I just don’t feel that type of attraction, and being in a sexual relationship would be very uncomfortable, and it’s just out of the picture. I love that person and I want them to be happy, so I would feel like I was taking away a part of their satisfaction within the relationship. However, this is all made up since I have never dated an allosexual person, and I know those feelings would fade with communication and trust of my partner.

Do you want to kiss people?

I personally do not want to kiss people on the lips. For me that falls under the sexual attraction part, although that is not the case for everybody. I would be comfortable kissing someone on the cheek or forehead, or even the shoulder or hand. To me that feels much more casual and romantic.

Do you feel arousal?

Alas, I am but a biological human being, so I, as well as many ace people, do feel arousal. However, from my understanding, allosexual people feel that arousal is directed at something (another human), while asexual people feel arousal directed at well…nothing. If someone is attractive I wouldn’t feel aroused towards them, but if I saw a steamy scene in a movie or read a smutty book it might make me feel some type of way. However, sometimes I feel the other type of way…which would be uncomfortable and grossed out depending on what I was seeing and/or reading.

If you could, would you not be asexual?

No. My asexuality is a part of me, and it’s a part of me that I love. I truly enjoy being asexual and I wouldn’t change that. If for some reason my asexuality could be “cured,” I wouldn’t feel any desire to fix it.

How would you have kids?

I don’t want kids. And if I had kids I would adopt. There is no way I’m getting pregnant by dating women and not having sex, so there is literally no way a baby could end up in my uterus, plus being pregnant is something I have never imagined for myself and is something I truly cannot fathom. Plus, I don’t want to go through the long and expensive process of IVF, so kids are a no from me.

What if your partner is really hot?

Just because I’m asexual doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes. If I came home and my partner was in, for example, wearing lingerie, aka looking super hot, I would simply admire their beauty and tell them how hot they look. I wouldn’t want them to take their clothes off. I would probably give them a hug and gay panic a little that I got so lucky and am dating the most beautiful person to ever exist. The aesthetic attraction I feel for them would be at an all time high.

To be honest before I started writing this I did not think I would have this many questions, so I hope you’re feeling informed. And if you have any other questions I’ll be happy to answer them in the comment section.

I’ll see you next week for another deep dive into my silly gay life.

My Top 13 Taylor Swift Songs

In honor of it being the week I see Taylor Swift (or a few days after due to my posting schedule) I thought it was only fitting to release the ever so important list of what my top 13 favorite T Swizzle songs are.

For a bit of background, I grew up obviously knowing Taylor, but only listened to her songs on the radio. When folklore came out in 2020 I listened to it a bit due to all of the hype it was receiving, and listened to evermore when it came out due to the shock that it was a total surprise album. And let me tell you, I was shook. I remember listening to “no body, no crime” for the first time and staring at my computer in shock as I watched the lyric video, both hands slapped over my mouth. I showed my parents my favorite songs and soon we were all hooked on Taylor, and 2021 was the year of Taylor as I began to learn all of her albums.

Soon my friends were all Swifties too, and Taylor became a common thread amongst my friends and family, and we were so, so deep into the fandom.

So, I know quite a lot about Taylor, and when she announced the Eras Tour there was absolutely no way we were not getting tickets. Finally, the nine months of waiting is up, and as I’m writing this, there are only THREE days until the concert. My outfit is picked, my makeup look has been perfected, I know all the lyrics, I have guesses for surprise songs, and I have a list of all the songs I know I’m going to cry to.

With all that being said, here are my top 13 favorite Taylor songs:

Please note none of these are in order except for the top 3, I am way too indecisive to put the rest in order. My heart hurts that I cannot fit “Forever & Always,” “it’s time to go,” and “evermore,” but alas, one can only choose 13.

“the lakes (original version)”

This is my third favorite song of all time. (The first being “People Watching” by Conan Gray and the second being “Work Song” by Hozier).

I truly have no words to describe how this song is literally me to my core. All I want is to run away from society to write poetry and live in a cottage. Also, the original version is so much better than the first bonus track because it is an orchestral version.

Favorite lyrics: “Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die/I don’t belong, and my beloved, neither do you”

“the 1”

Lyrically this is just one of her best songs of all time. It’s beautiful. It’s sad. It’s a perfect opening track. It’s everything.

Favorite lyrics: “I have this dream you’re doing cool shit/Having adventures on your own/You meet some woman on the internet and take her home”

“ivy”

Not only is the lyricism in this song incredibly beautiful, it’s also totally sapphic.

Favorite lyrics: “And the old widow goes to the stone every day/But I don’t, I just sit here and wait/Grieving for the living”

“cowboy like me”

Once again the lyricism in evermore is god tier, and I have claimed this song as one for the asexuals.

Favorite lyrics: “With your boots beneath my bed/Forever is the sweetest con”

“Style”

Truly just a pop banger.

Favorite lyrics: “You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye/And I got that red lip classic thing that you like”

“New Romantics”

Once again I’m a sucker for a good pop song, and this is the best off of her poppiest album, 1989.

Favorite lyrics: “It’s poker/He can’t see it in my face/But I’m about to play my Ace”

Get it…cause I’m ace…ha…ha…

“Daylight”

One of the best songs off of Lover.

Favorite lyrics: “I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you (I can never look away)/I don’t wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you (Things will never be the same)”

“Call It What You Want”

My favorite Reputation track.

Favorite lyrics: “My castle crumbled overnight/I brought a knife to a gunfight”

“The Moment I Knew”

A criminally underrated Red track. Lyrically this one is so simple but the truth behind the words and the story of her sadness just gets me where it hurts every time.

Favorite lyrics: “And it was like slow motion/Standing there in my party dress/In red lipstick/With no one to impress/And they’re all standing around me singing/”Happy birthday to you””

“Hits Different”

I think every Swiftie can agree that this song is truly one of the best she’s ever written, and it was criminal that she kept it from us for so long.

Favorite lyrics: “I used to switch out these Kens, I’d just ghost”

“All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)”

We should all know why this deserves to be on this list.

Favorite lyrics: “And I was never good at telling jokes, but the punch line goes/”I’ll get older, but your lovers stay my age””

“Mastermind”

Favorite lyrics: “and then saw a wide smirk/On your face, you knew the entire time/You knew that I’m a mastermind”

I get so emotional hearing those lyrics every. Single. Time.

“right where you left me”

It was a tough decision to put this or “it’s time to go,” as Taylor never misses with bonus tracks, but I listen to this one more so it felt necessary for it to make it onto my list.

Favorite lyrics: “I’m sure that you got a wife out there/Kids and Christmas, but I’m unaware/’Cause I’m right where/I cause no harm, mind my business/If our love died young, I can’t bear witness”

The Underlying (but obvious) Queerness in Ever After High

If you don’t know…I am addicted to crocheting. I learned how to crochet over winter break in December, and have made many, many projects since then. Now it’s summer break and I have all the time in the world to crochet (besides going to work obviously, I have to make money for yarn somehow). I love crocheting and making clothes and buying yarn and spending hours watching tutorials and creating never-ending lists of projects I want to make.

However, something I think many crocheters could agree with is that background noise is necessary, and sometimes music doesn’t quite cut it. This obviously means I need a television show to watch; specifically one that is easy to follow since I’ll be staring at a ball of yarn 80% of the time.

I’ve watched YouTube, movies, listened to music, and crocheted in silence. But, a gal can only rewatch Heartstopper so many times before she needs a new show. Thankfully for me, I have stumbled upon a category that I love, and, as you probably guess by the title of this post, that category is children’s cartoons.

My love of cartoons blossomed with the show The Loud House, and grew immensely when I watched The Owl House (I clearly like shows about houses). Both of those shows have explicit queer representation, and are newer shows, so for this blog post, I won’t be talking about them, but just know they’re great and The Loud House has an awesome spin off show about a multi-generational Mexican-American family called The Casagrandes.

I usually spend an unreasonable amount of time scrolling on Netflix searching for something to watch, and just the other week I stumbled upon a television show based on a book series I read in the fifth grade: Ever After High. I remembered loving the books and even collecting the dolls, so I obviously had to dive right into the show to see if it was as good as I remember. Obviously it was, because it was so, so queer. Now, this show is actually “straight” because there is no obvious explicit queer representation, but listen, I have eyes, and the queer-coded-ness of this show is clear.

Today I’ll be talking about the seemingly obvious queerness in television that is made for children through Ever After High. I’ve also been watching Gravity Falls (which is SO good), but I haven’t finished the series yet, so I’ll save that analysis for another day.

In case you’ve never heard of the show here’s a quick summary:

Ever After High is a boarding school in the fairytale world that hosts the sons and daughters of fairytale characters as they lead up to Legacy Day, where they sign the Storybook of Legends to pledge to follow in their parents footsteps. However, Raven Queen, the daughter of the Evil Queen, refuses to follow in her mother’s footsteps, causing conflict among characters and forcing differences between the Royals and Rebels, those who are following their destiny, and those who aren’t.

Here are all of the reasons Ever After High is queer:

Stereotypically Queer Hair and Outfits

Blah blah blah we know there is no way that your clothes or your appearance makes you queer, but, there are definitely some trends in the appearance of queer people; alternative styles, androgyny, dyed hair, and over the top – or camp – outfits. Those things don’t make you queer, but they are common in the queer community and in Ever After High.

Going along with these stereotypes, all we have to do is simply look over at our Ever After High characters for 0.2 seconds and you can see how obviously queer they look. They have bright colorful hair, camp outfits, and they love a theme. Their outfits are arguably different from past Disney fairytales, and in my opinion, take a lot of inspiration from drag culture. All of the girls have intense eye makeup, big colorful hair, and beautifully detailed and elaborate dresses.

The appearance of the characters in this show look queer, and their names are spin offs of their fairytale parents, once again, something found in drag culture!

LGBTQIA+ Flag Coding

Throughout the show it is super easy to see the color patterns of many LGBTQIA+ flags. This is seen mainly through the outfits the characters wear in their signature colors.

Raven Queen wears a lot of purple and black, with hints of white and gray, obvious colors of the asexual flag.

Darling Charming wears light pink, blue and white, colors of the trans flag.

Apple White wears red, pink and white, sunset colors that match the lesbian flag.

Characters Go Against the Status Quo

Even if we ignore the queerness of the character’s appearance, their actions are inherently queer due to many of the characters going against the status quo. It is expected that the students follow their parents’ destinies by signing the Storybook of Legends and continue to keep tradition alive. However, our main character, Raven Queen, doesn’t want to grow up to be like her mother. She wants to create her own future and choose her own destiny, to be herself without others telling her how to live just because it is seemingly “tradition.”

And They Were Roommates!

Apple White (the daughter of Snow White) and Raven Queen start out as enemies, due to Raven going against the status quo and Apple needing Raven to play her part in order for her story to go according to plan. Apple convinces the headmaster to have her switch roommates and live with Raven to try to get her back on the straight and narrow path. However, they begin to see each other’s sides and are roommates during this entire time. They become friends, and there is some serious lesbian tension going on between them. It’s giving enemies to friends to lovers.

“Patriarchal” Expectations

Although there is no actual patriarchy in this fairytale land, there is definitely a larger force holding up expectations that the younger generation of fairytale characters to follow.

Apple grew up with a classic example of a heterosexual patriarchal mother. Her mom is white, youthful, feminine, and beautiful. She literally had her prince charming save her. This caused Apple to grow up seeing one way of life, and now as a teenager learns that there is more than one path for her to take.

Apple accidentally eats a poison apple, and her boyfriend, Prince Charming, who she had been dating because history expects them to end up together, doesn’t save her. His kiss doesn’t wake her up. Instead, his sister, Darling Charming, gives Apple mouth-to-mouth, which wakes her from her sleep. Once Apple realizes that Daring might not be her prince charming, she is no longer interested in him. She has the ability to see past what is expected of her to be interested in other boys…or girls…as well as focus on her platonic friendships.

I would just like to acknowledge that the writers of this show had to know what they were doing when they let a princess kiss Apple to wake her from her sleep instead of a prince…gay.

Now, here’s some other aspects that makes me believe the characters are queer (plus which identities I think they have):

Apple White -femme lesbian. She’s totally in love with Raven.

Raven Queen – biromantic asexual. Her outfit gives ace flag and obviously we have to have an ace character. Plus, she likes a boy, Dexter Charming (who I totally ship her with), but I can also see her being with Apple or her best friend, Maddie.

Madeline (Maddie) Hatter – pansexual and uses all pronouns and neopronouns. I have no reasoning for this one other than that it just makes sense.

Cerise Hood – she/they bisexual. She looks so bisexual. The red and black outfit. The bangs and silver strip of dyed hair. Plus, she is the daughter of Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, but keeps her wolf identity hidden which is so queer coded and genderfluid/non-binary/demigirl. (I haven’t decided which but all I know is that Cerise is so not cisgender).

Alistair Wonderland – trans. A very large portion of the characters in this show are the same gender as their parents, but Alistair, son of Alice, isn’t, and he just looks so trans masc.

Darling Charming – trans lesbian. Her outfit is giving trans flag and she literally saved Apple with a kiss. Gay.

God. I love this show. I love a queer analysis. I can’t wait to watch more cartoons and write about how gay they are.

Why Do Lesbians Love Hozier?

Since it is pride month, I thought it would only be appropriate to answer one of the burning questions about the queer community. Why do lesbians love Hozier?

If you are unaware, Andrew Hozier-Byrne is an Irish singer, songwriter, and musician with quite a large fan base, most popularly known for his hit song “Take Me To Church” off of his first self-titled album Hozier.

Hozier has a fanbase that is predominantly made up of queer people, specifically queer women. Lesbians (and other wlw) claim Hozier as a sapphic ally. An article by the Rolling Stone interviews Hozier about his allyship and even titled the piece “Accidental Sapphic Icon Hozier Stands With His LGBTQI+ Fans.”

So, let’s get down to the bottom of this. Why do the gays love Hozier?

Hozier Celebrates Women

Hozier is known for his outstanding lyricism, and the way he writes about women, usually his partner, is no exception. He writes about the beauty of women without sexualizing them. He respects women and celebrates them rather than viewing them as an object.

It is rare for straight, cisgender, white men in the music industry to do this. Many famous male artists often write about having sex with women, and have women in their music videos as objects for the male gaze, standing around in little clothing and dancing, never adding to the plot of the music video itself. They get famous off of their sexist and misogynistic portrayal of women, rather than profound lyricism and instrumental skills.

Hozier Embodies The Lesbian Dream

Hozier lives in Ireland and keeps to himself. I would bet money that he lives in the woods and spends his time cooking fresh produce from his garden. He stays off the internet, disconnected from society, and writes songs about nature and the beauty of women. As a sapphic woman, I know for a fact that I would love nothing more than to live in a cottage in the middle of the woods as a hermit and write about women.

Hozier’s an Ally

Hozier is known for sticking up for the queer community, women’s rights (especially reproductive rights), and people of color.

It is incredibly easy to find videos of him on stage with pride flags fans give to him. In one video posted on TikTok he delicately places a trans flag on his mic stand and says “Solidarity to our trans siblings.”

The music video for “Take Me To Church” brings light to homophobia in the Catholic Church, calling out its discrimination and hurtful practices.

Additionally, Hozier illustrates his activism through his music with songs such as “Nina Cried Power,” “Eat Your Young,” and “Swan Upon Leda,” the ladder written in response to the overturn of Roe v. Wade.

Hozier Dresses Like a Lesbian

Jean jackets. Button ups. High top Converse. Shaggy hair. Hozier is a fashion icon in the sapphic community. If you look up a picture of Hozier and compare it to a chapstick lesbian it would be hard to tell them apart.

(For those who don’t know, Urban Dictionary defines a chapstick lesbian as “A lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, often dressing in comfortable or sensible clothing”).

He Has Nice Hands

He does.

It seems to be a joke/stereotype/truth of sorts in the queer community that queer women pay attention to hands because well…hands do a lot, and having nice hands makes someone hotter.

Now, that doesn’t apply to me as an asexual, but aesthetic attraction is real, and I can agree that Hozier has lovely hands that do in fact match his aura.

Okay. I hope this burning question has been answered for you during this pride month.

Over and out,

Jadey