Tag: LGBTQIA+

My Top 13 Taylor Swift Songs

In honor of it being the week I see Taylor Swift (or a few days after due to my posting schedule) I thought it was only fitting to release the ever so important list of what my top 13 favorite T Swizzle songs are.

For a bit of background, I grew up obviously knowing Taylor, but only listened to her songs on the radio. When folklore came out in 2020 I listened to it a bit due to all of the hype it was receiving, and listened to evermore when it came out due to the shock that it was a total surprise album. And let me tell you, I was shook. I remember listening to “no body, no crime” for the first time and staring at my computer in shock as I watched the lyric video, both hands slapped over my mouth. I showed my parents my favorite songs and soon we were all hooked on Taylor, and 2021 was the year of Taylor as I began to learn all of her albums.

Soon my friends were all Swifties too, and Taylor became a common thread amongst my friends and family, and we were so, so deep into the fandom.

So, I know quite a lot about Taylor, and when she announced the Eras Tour there was absolutely no way we were not getting tickets. Finally, the nine months of waiting is up, and as I’m writing this, there are only THREE days until the concert. My outfit is picked, my makeup look has been perfected, I know all the lyrics, I have guesses for surprise songs, and I have a list of all the songs I know I’m going to cry to.

With all that being said, here are my top 13 favorite Taylor songs:

Please note none of these are in order except for the top 3, I am way too indecisive to put the rest in order. My heart hurts that I cannot fit “Forever & Always,” “it’s time to go,” and “evermore,” but alas, one can only choose 13.

“the lakes (original version)”

This is my third favorite song of all time. (The first being “People Watching” by Conan Gray and the second being “Work Song” by Hozier).

I truly have no words to describe how this song is literally me to my core. All I want is to run away from society to write poetry and live in a cottage. Also, the original version is so much better than the first bonus track because it is an orchestral version.

Favorite lyrics: “Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die/I don’t belong, and my beloved, neither do you”

“the 1”

Lyrically this is just one of her best songs of all time. It’s beautiful. It’s sad. It’s a perfect opening track. It’s everything.

Favorite lyrics: “I have this dream you’re doing cool shit/Having adventures on your own/You meet some woman on the internet and take her home”

“ivy”

Not only is the lyricism in this song incredibly beautiful, it’s also totally sapphic.

Favorite lyrics: “And the old widow goes to the stone every day/But I don’t, I just sit here and wait/Grieving for the living”

“cowboy like me”

Once again the lyricism in evermore is god tier, and I have claimed this song as one for the asexuals.

Favorite lyrics: “With your boots beneath my bed/Forever is the sweetest con”

“Style”

Truly just a pop banger.

Favorite lyrics: “You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye/And I got that red lip classic thing that you like”

“New Romantics”

Once again I’m a sucker for a good pop song, and this is the best off of her poppiest album, 1989.

Favorite lyrics: “It’s poker/He can’t see it in my face/But I’m about to play my Ace”

Get it…cause I’m ace…ha…ha…

“Daylight”

One of the best songs off of Lover.

Favorite lyrics: “I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you (I can never look away)/I don’t wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you (Things will never be the same)”

“Call It What You Want”

My favorite Reputation track.

Favorite lyrics: “My castle crumbled overnight/I brought a knife to a gunfight”

“The Moment I Knew”

A criminally underrated Red track. Lyrically this one is so simple but the truth behind the words and the story of her sadness just gets me where it hurts every time.

Favorite lyrics: “And it was like slow motion/Standing there in my party dress/In red lipstick/With no one to impress/And they’re all standing around me singing/”Happy birthday to you””

“Hits Different”

I think every Swiftie can agree that this song is truly one of the best she’s ever written, and it was criminal that she kept it from us for so long.

Favorite lyrics: “I used to switch out these Kens, I’d just ghost”

“All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) (From The Vault)”

We should all know why this deserves to be on this list.

Favorite lyrics: “And I was never good at telling jokes, but the punch line goes/”I’ll get older, but your lovers stay my age””

“Mastermind”

Favorite lyrics: “and then saw a wide smirk/On your face, you knew the entire time/You knew that I’m a mastermind”

I get so emotional hearing those lyrics every. Single. Time.

“right where you left me”

It was a tough decision to put this or “it’s time to go,” as Taylor never misses with bonus tracks, but I listen to this one more so it felt necessary for it to make it onto my list.

Favorite lyrics: “I’m sure that you got a wife out there/Kids and Christmas, but I’m unaware/’Cause I’m right where/I cause no harm, mind my business/If our love died young, I can’t bear witness”

The Underlying (but obvious) Queerness in Ever After High

If you don’t know…I am addicted to crocheting. I learned how to crochet over winter break in December, and have made many, many projects since then. Now it’s summer break and I have all the time in the world to crochet (besides going to work obviously, I have to make money for yarn somehow). I love crocheting and making clothes and buying yarn and spending hours watching tutorials and creating never-ending lists of projects I want to make.

However, something I think many crocheters could agree with is that background noise is necessary, and sometimes music doesn’t quite cut it. This obviously means I need a television show to watch; specifically one that is easy to follow since I’ll be staring at a ball of yarn 80% of the time.

I’ve watched YouTube, movies, listened to music, and crocheted in silence. But, a gal can only rewatch Heartstopper so many times before she needs a new show. Thankfully for me, I have stumbled upon a category that I love, and, as you probably guess by the title of this post, that category is children’s cartoons.

My love of cartoons blossomed with the show The Loud House, and grew immensely when I watched The Owl House (I clearly like shows about houses). Both of those shows have explicit queer representation, and are newer shows, so for this blog post, I won’t be talking about them, but just know they’re great and The Loud House has an awesome spin off show about a multi-generational Mexican-American family called The Casagrandes.

I usually spend an unreasonable amount of time scrolling on Netflix searching for something to watch, and just the other week I stumbled upon a television show based on a book series I read in the fifth grade: Ever After High. I remembered loving the books and even collecting the dolls, so I obviously had to dive right into the show to see if it was as good as I remember. Obviously it was, because it was so, so queer. Now, this show is actually “straight” because there is no obvious explicit queer representation, but listen, I have eyes, and the queer-coded-ness of this show is clear.

Today I’ll be talking about the seemingly obvious queerness in television that is made for children through Ever After High. I’ve also been watching Gravity Falls (which is SO good), but I haven’t finished the series yet, so I’ll save that analysis for another day.

In case you’ve never heard of the show here’s a quick summary:

Ever After High is a boarding school in the fairytale world that hosts the sons and daughters of fairytale characters as they lead up to Legacy Day, where they sign the Storybook of Legends to pledge to follow in their parents footsteps. However, Raven Queen, the daughter of the Evil Queen, refuses to follow in her mother’s footsteps, causing conflict among characters and forcing differences between the Royals and Rebels, those who are following their destiny, and those who aren’t.

Here are all of the reasons Ever After High is queer:

Stereotypically Queer Hair and Outfits

Blah blah blah we know there is no way that your clothes or your appearance makes you queer, but, there are definitely some trends in the appearance of queer people; alternative styles, androgyny, dyed hair, and over the top – or camp – outfits. Those things don’t make you queer, but they are common in the queer community and in Ever After High.

Going along with these stereotypes, all we have to do is simply look over at our Ever After High characters for 0.2 seconds and you can see how obviously queer they look. They have bright colorful hair, camp outfits, and they love a theme. Their outfits are arguably different from past Disney fairytales, and in my opinion, take a lot of inspiration from drag culture. All of the girls have intense eye makeup, big colorful hair, and beautifully detailed and elaborate dresses.

The appearance of the characters in this show look queer, and their names are spin offs of their fairytale parents, once again, something found in drag culture!

LGBTQIA+ Flag Coding

Throughout the show it is super easy to see the color patterns of many LGBTQIA+ flags. This is seen mainly through the outfits the characters wear in their signature colors.

Raven Queen wears a lot of purple and black, with hints of white and gray, obvious colors of the asexual flag.

Darling Charming wears light pink, blue and white, colors of the trans flag.

Apple White wears red, pink and white, sunset colors that match the lesbian flag.

Characters Go Against the Status Quo

Even if we ignore the queerness of the character’s appearance, their actions are inherently queer due to many of the characters going against the status quo. It is expected that the students follow their parents’ destinies by signing the Storybook of Legends and continue to keep tradition alive. However, our main character, Raven Queen, doesn’t want to grow up to be like her mother. She wants to create her own future and choose her own destiny, to be herself without others telling her how to live just because it is seemingly “tradition.”

And They Were Roommates!

Apple White (the daughter of Snow White) and Raven Queen start out as enemies, due to Raven going against the status quo and Apple needing Raven to play her part in order for her story to go according to plan. Apple convinces the headmaster to have her switch roommates and live with Raven to try to get her back on the straight and narrow path. However, they begin to see each other’s sides and are roommates during this entire time. They become friends, and there is some serious lesbian tension going on between them. It’s giving enemies to friends to lovers.

“Patriarchal” Expectations

Although there is no actual patriarchy in this fairytale land, there is definitely a larger force holding up expectations that the younger generation of fairytale characters to follow.

Apple grew up with a classic example of a heterosexual patriarchal mother. Her mom is white, youthful, feminine, and beautiful. She literally had her prince charming save her. This caused Apple to grow up seeing one way of life, and now as a teenager learns that there is more than one path for her to take.

Apple accidentally eats a poison apple, and her boyfriend, Prince Charming, who she had been dating because history expects them to end up together, doesn’t save her. His kiss doesn’t wake her up. Instead, his sister, Darling Charming, gives Apple mouth-to-mouth, which wakes her from her sleep. Once Apple realizes that Daring might not be her prince charming, she is no longer interested in him. She has the ability to see past what is expected of her to be interested in other boys…or girls…as well as focus on her platonic friendships.

I would just like to acknowledge that the writers of this show had to know what they were doing when they let a princess kiss Apple to wake her from her sleep instead of a prince…gay.

Now, here’s some other aspects that makes me believe the characters are queer (plus which identities I think they have):

Apple White -femme lesbian. She’s totally in love with Raven.

Raven Queen – biromantic asexual. Her outfit gives ace flag and obviously we have to have an ace character. Plus, she likes a boy, Dexter Charming (who I totally ship her with), but I can also see her being with Apple or her best friend, Maddie.

Madeline (Maddie) Hatter – pansexual and uses all pronouns and neopronouns. I have no reasoning for this one other than that it just makes sense.

Cerise Hood – she/they bisexual. She looks so bisexual. The red and black outfit. The bangs and silver strip of dyed hair. Plus, she is the daughter of Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, but keeps her wolf identity hidden which is so queer coded and genderfluid/non-binary/demigirl. (I haven’t decided which but all I know is that Cerise is so not cisgender).

Alistair Wonderland – trans. A very large portion of the characters in this show are the same gender as their parents, but Alistair, son of Alice, isn’t, and he just looks so trans masc.

Darling Charming – trans lesbian. Her outfit is giving trans flag and she literally saved Apple with a kiss. Gay.

God. I love this show. I love a queer analysis. I can’t wait to watch more cartoons and write about how gay they are.

Why Do Lesbians Love Hozier?

Since it is pride month, I thought it would only be appropriate to answer one of the burning questions about the queer community. Why do lesbians love Hozier?

If you are unaware, Andrew Hozier-Byrne is an Irish singer, songwriter, and musician with quite a large fan base, most popularly known for his hit song “Take Me To Church” off of his first self-titled album Hozier.

Hozier has a fanbase that is predominantly made up of queer people, specifically queer women. Lesbians (and other wlw) claim Hozier as a sapphic ally. An article by the Rolling Stone interviews Hozier about his allyship and even titled the piece “Accidental Sapphic Icon Hozier Stands With His LGBTQI+ Fans.”

So, let’s get down to the bottom of this. Why do the gays love Hozier?

Hozier Celebrates Women

Hozier is known for his outstanding lyricism, and the way he writes about women, usually his partner, is no exception. He writes about the beauty of women without sexualizing them. He respects women and celebrates them rather than viewing them as an object.

It is rare for straight, cisgender, white men in the music industry to do this. Many famous male artists often write about having sex with women, and have women in their music videos as objects for the male gaze, standing around in little clothing and dancing, never adding to the plot of the music video itself. They get famous off of their sexist and misogynistic portrayal of women, rather than profound lyricism and instrumental skills.

Hozier Embodies The Lesbian Dream

Hozier lives in Ireland and keeps to himself. I would bet money that he lives in the woods and spends his time cooking fresh produce from his garden. He stays off the internet, disconnected from society, and writes songs about nature and the beauty of women. As a sapphic woman, I know for a fact that I would love nothing more than to live in a cottage in the middle of the woods as a hermit and write about women.

Hozier’s an Ally

Hozier is known for sticking up for the queer community, women’s rights (especially reproductive rights), and people of color.

It is incredibly easy to find videos of him on stage with pride flags fans give to him. In one video posted on TikTok he delicately places a trans flag on his mic stand and says “Solidarity to our trans siblings.”

The music video for “Take Me To Church” brings light to homophobia in the Catholic Church, calling out its discrimination and hurtful practices.

Additionally, Hozier illustrates his activism through his music with songs such as “Nina Cried Power,” “Eat Your Young,” and “Swan Upon Leda,” the ladder written in response to the overturn of Roe v. Wade.

Hozier Dresses Like a Lesbian

Jean jackets. Button ups. High top Converse. Shaggy hair. Hozier is a fashion icon in the sapphic community. If you look up a picture of Hozier and compare it to a chapstick lesbian it would be hard to tell them apart.

(For those who don’t know, Urban Dictionary defines a chapstick lesbian as “A lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, often dressing in comfortable or sensible clothing”).

He Has Nice Hands

He does.

It seems to be a joke/stereotype/truth of sorts in the queer community that queer women pay attention to hands because well…hands do a lot, and having nice hands makes someone hotter.

Now, that doesn’t apply to me as an asexual, but aesthetic attraction is real, and I can agree that Hozier has lovely hands that do in fact match his aura.

Okay. I hope this burning question has been answered for you during this pride month.

Over and out,

Jadey

20 Things That Are Just True Gay Culture

In honor of pride month (the best month of the year) I thought it would only be fitting to enlighten my hetero readers and laugh with my queer ones on things that are just honest and true aspects of gay culture.

Here’s a mandatory disclaimer: obviously there’s no one way to look or be or act queer…this list is simply things that a lot of the members of the queer community relate to and find funny/relatable/true for themselves and their friends in the community. If these are relatable to you, yay! And if they’re not, that doesn’t make your identity any less valid.

The following is a list of things that I, a queer, Gen Z, asexual, agree are 100% a part of gay culture:

Tattoos

Specifically left and right hand tattoos as well as any and all tarot card tats.

Trader Joe’s

Trader Joe’s is for every type of gay. The vegans. The vegetarians. And the gays with stomach issues who need dairy free or gluten free products.

Oat Milk

The gays love saving the planet, and oat milk is the most environmentally friendly milk, and is claimed to be the creamiest. (I personally think soy and cashew are the creamiest but that’s another conversation).

Dyed Hair, Piercings, and Unconventional Haircuts

This is just like the tattoo thing, anything that will set your appearance apart from the norm is inherently queer in a gay way and a different/odd/other definition of queer way. Having fashion colored hair, lots of piercings (especially lots of face piercings and nose rings), and haircuts that scream androgyny or shaggy/skater boy/mullet are so queer.

Cuffed Jeans

If you’re queer you cuff your jeans. End of discussion.

High Top Converse

Low rise Converse are for straight people and high top are for the gays. I don’t exactly know why, but probably because high tops are cooler and they cover your exposed ankle after cuffing your jeans.

Walking Fast

Gay people walk fast. It’s in our blood and gives us less time to be hate crimed!

Brunch

Gays either love or passionately hate brunch. I am a gay who loves brunch. If someone was walking fast for no apparent reason I might say “Wow! They’re walking faster than a gay late for brunch!” (I’m dead serious this is in my vocabulary and gays also are always on time if not early).

Being Good at Everything

Now. No one is good at everything (besides me). But gay people have nothing if not the audacity to tell themselves they can do anything. Painting a house? Sure. Building a table? Easy. Running for mayor? I’m gay, aren’t I?

Theatre

Gays love a performance. They love the theater. Drag. Drama. Camp. Glitz and glitter. We love a theme. We love an event.

Plus, are you really queer if you didn’t do theater in high school or love your English teacher?

Being Incredibly Indecisive

Gay people cannot make decisions. Ask a group of gays where you want to go for lunch and you’ll never go anywhere. Plus, think of all the bisexual, pansexual, agender, and non-binary people out there. They don’t even have to choose their gender or who to date! You think a genderfluid pansexual is going to make a choice? Think again.

Grandmother Hobbies

Ask a gay how old they are and they’ll tell you. Ask a gay how old they mentally are and they’ll say 75. Gays love hobbies that your grandmother would do at the retirement home. This includes, but is not limited to; crocheting, knitting, baking, sewing, gardening, and jewelry making.

Having Very Niche Collections

Very niche interests is a queer thing, and a neuro-divergent thing as well, since a lot of members of the LGBTQIA+ community are also nuero-divergent! This could include, but is not limited to collecting crystals, plants, records, stuffed animals, and figurines (of cats, frogs, or dragons).

Thrifting

With the way oat milk is being charged at coffee shops in this economy you better believe the gays are thrifting and saving their money buying second hand clothes. We gotta save money for our $8 oat milk matcha lattes and hair dye. Plus, it’s environmentally friendly and you can find unique pieces or customize things yourself!

Vegetarian or Veganism

This one goes hand in hand with the oat milk saving-the-environment and gays-have-stomach-issues thing. I know a lot of vegetarian and vegan people, and I’m pretty sure all of them are queer.

Layering Clothes

Tank top. T-shirt. Long sleeves. Pants. Belt. Funky socks. Jewelry. Hair clips. It’s a difficult time for the gays in summer when they can’t wear twenty pieces of clothing. Once again it’s for the aesthetic. It’s camp.

Rings and Funky Earrings

This goes hand in hand with the layering clothes because gays love accessories. Want to tell if someone’s gay? Check to see if they have a ton of rings (especially thumb rings) and/or hand tats.

Having Gay Friends

The only unrealistic thing about movies starring LGBTQIA+ people in the 21st century is that they have straight friends. Gay people have gay friends. Somehow you all started out straight in middle school but slowly came out. The gays subconsciously find each other.

Tumblr

Tumblr is for the niche topic gays as well as the emo ones. Additionally, the gays love other websites where one can post memes and other things – to me this has the same energy as Pinterest and fan accounts on Insta.

Eyeliner

If a gay person could only choose one makeup product it would be eyeliner. So many colors. So many shapes. It adds so much to a look and it truly looks good on everyone.

Here’s a list of the ones I relate to:

Tattoos, Trader Joe’s, oat milk, dyed hair, cuffed jeans, high top Converse, beng good at everything (duh), being indecisive, having grandmother hobbies, having niche collections (nail polish), being vegetarian, wearing rings and funky earrings, having gay friends, and loving eyeliner.

I also somewhat relate to walking fats, brunch, theater, thrifting, and layering clothes. However I don’t walk incredibly fast, feel very passionately about brunch (although I enjoy it), I didn’t do theater (but I loved all my English teachers), I only thrift occasionally, and I don’t layer my clothes too heavily.

The only thing on this list that doesn’t apply to me is Tumblr. I was never an emo Tumblr kid back in like 2012 or whenever.

Okay that’s all. I hope you found this educational and so so funny as always. Happy pride month!!! Yay gay!!

The Inherent Queerness of Being a Fangirl

I never thought I’d be a fangirl.

Sure, I liked music. There were celebrities I kept somewhat up to date on and enjoyed hearing about. But, I was never that into it. I know we all went to middle school with that one person who loved Panic! At The Disco or the girl just head over heels in love – obsessed – with a boy band. But, that was something other people did – it was never me. (Side note: fangirls can obviously be of any gender – but for the sake of this post that’s the term I’ll be using).

Then I started listening to Conan Gray.

And, if you know anything about me, you know that I am completely head over heels in love with Conan Gray.

I turned into a fangirl.

I listen to Conan practically everyday. I have posters up in my room. I kid you not I’m wearing his merch as I write this. I have a tattoo in his handwriting of lyrics from my favorite song by him. So yeah, one could say I’m a fan. However, my love for Conan isn’t obsessive in a bad way. I don’t want to marry Conan or date him, and I’m perfectly okay with the fact that I will probably never meet him, and he’ll never know who I am. That’s just kinda how these things work. However, I love Conan for who he is, not for some celebrity facade. Conan is real. He’s funny. He’s honest and relatable. And yes he’s beautiful and talented, but his lyrics tell more truth than any publicity Instagram post ever could. Conan’s words and presence had brought so much joy and happiness into my life, how could I not love him for that? How could I not want the very best for him, and be so proud of him as a person, and of his career?

I had thought about writing this post for a while, and the time came now just as I finished reading I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman. I Was Born For This follows Jimmy, a member of popular boy band The Ark, and Angel, a fangirl of The Ark, and their inevitable meeting and influence on each other’s lives. Let me tell you, this book was so relatable. Angel loved these boys for who they were, the music they made, and the joy they brought her. She simply wanted the best for them. It was so relatable that I had to talk about it and wrote a blog post of my own fangirl-ness.

All of that leads me to the question of Conan – and other celebrities – largely queer fanbase. Yes, my generation is very gay, but there is something so inherently queer about being a fangirl – idolizing someone you’ve never, and probably will never, meet. And why do I, a very queer person, feel such community, such understanding, in my fandom?

Let’s discuss four reasons why being a fangirl is inherently queer:

Representation

The queer community- while growing – is still incredibly underrepresented and members of the LGBTQIA+ community find representation where it is not explicitly given. Think about the Gaylor or Larrie theories – fans who think Taylor Swift is queer and Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were/are dating while in One Direction. Yeah some fans do genuinely believe that, but others simply find representation in their lyrics and lifestyles.

However, there are many more well-known artists who are queer- and do provide crucial representation for their fans. Conan Gray doesn’t label his sexuality. He sings about liking boys and girls and uses gender-neutral pronouns when discussing love interests. I love that about him. I can listen to Conan’s music and relate as as queer person, as an asexual person, and as someone who also doesn’t worry about labeling their romantic orientation.

Conan, without directly saying anything, lets me know that being queer is okay, and I can sing about, or fall in love with anyone no matter their gender.

Being a Fangirl Breaks Heteronormative and Patriarchal Expectation

One might argue that being a fangirl is incredibly straight. Young teenage girls who are obsessed with conventionally attractive boys is a perfect example of typical heteronormativity.

I’m here to argue that is not the case at all. Sure, there are some people who love a celebrity of the opposite sex and truly want to date or marry them. But, for a majority of the world that is not the case. And that assumption, that every girl is in love with a boy, is rooted in heteronormativity. Additionally, fangirls are seen as obsessive, controlling, and crazy. One might even suggest that is similar to the mad women trope – that women who can’t get their male lover to reciprocate feelings are therefore hyper-sexual and mad. And even if we ignore that, fangirls are seen as way less than fans of other people. Men are obsessed with football players and that is perfectly acceptable. But the second a girl starts talking about her favorite artist – the hobby of listening to music – she’s obsessive, and her hobby is seen as less than simply because she’s a female.

Liking a band or an artist rebels against the patriarchy by doing exactly what we are told not to do. When society tells people they shouldn’t be so involved in a fandom or that they should have “real” hobbies, continuing to love and support artists is protest in itself.

Chosen Family

Having a super niche interest about anything can actually be isolating. No one really gets your love or fascination with it, and to be honest, people just don’t care.

Meeting others who have the same love for something – whether it’s Conan Gray or not – brings mutual understanding and brings people together. People understand your excitement, your joy, your sadness, because they feel it too. Finding those who accept you for you, niche interests and all, has very queer undertones due to the idea of found family or chosen family – a group of people who bond based on shared experiences and interests.

Fandoms Are Online

Additionally, fandoms are built through online platforms. People make edits, write fanfiction, run fan accounts, all to share their love of someone or something. This continues to bring people together and share opinions and thoughts one might not have discovered on their own.

When I go on TikTok and see edits of Conan Gray, I like and comment and interact because other people get it. I see people make memes and post about what songs are their favorites, so I get to listen to them with a new lens that this is someone’s favorite song of all time. Someone could point out the percussion in a song I’ve listened to hundreds of times and never thought to pay attention to, and now that song is even better than it was before.

I love Conan Gray. I love seeing other people who love him. I love talking about him and listening to his music and having him be a part of my life makes me me. I turned into a fangirl, and I love it.

Let’s Remember the “A” This Pride Month

Hopefully the following things I am about to say do not sound like a complaint (although they are a little) and instead sound like valid and understandable points. Yay!

We need to remember the “A” this pride month. And honestly, we need to remember all of the letters after the “T.”

Pride month is coming, and with that, corporations are going to participate in what the queer community likes to call rainbow capitalism, which is where companies attempt to capitalize off of pride month by making rainbow and queer-targeted products for the sole purpose of making money. It may seem like they’re being allies and supporting the community, but in reality they are simply doing it out of greed and are doing nothing for the queer community. The rest of the year they aren’t donating money, signing petitions, or hiring queer employees.

A lot of those companies are going to celebrate the LGBT community, or maybe the LGBT+ community. And if we’re oh, so lucky, the LGBTQ+ community will be celebrated.

I totally understand saying LGBT+, because let’s be real, the whole acronym is a mouthful. But simply not including the plus? How hard is it to add a plus, and if we’re honest, the main 8 syllables in LGBTQIA+.

Words are much more impactful than we seem to think. Cutting out letters from the acronym, especially when not considering the plus, cancels out voices and experiences of other minority communities. There is already so much discrimination and individual challenges each sexual orientation or gender identity faces, we simply shouldn’t add to that by ignoring letters, because in this case, letters are people, experiences, and important parts of identity.

I didn’t realize how much it impacted me until last pride month, when my Instagram feed was covered in rainbows, celebrating those who are gay and trans, and I didn’t see myself in any of those posts. I distinctly remember seeing “LGBT” everywhere, and rarely seeing the A. How hard is it to include the other letters? If you’re celebrating the entire community, why not truly celebrate the entire community?

Language matters. Including all of the letters, the flags, having diverse people in interviews, in ads, as models for rainbow merchandise, shows the queer community that we are valid. Ignoring letters and identifying within the community suggest those letters, those real life human beings, are not as important. They’re easily forgotten.

However, it’s not all about me. It would be selfish to say that it is. But this is about a broader community. The “A” is often forgotten. Asexual and aromantic communities are much more likely to be in the closet and be offered conversion therapy, so why are we always forgotten and rarely celebrated? We have a history of finding each other online, yet when it comes to pride month where every social media platform has a rainbow profile picture and flags in every post, asexuals, the online community, is rarely involved.

Additionally, pride parades can be quite a sexualized place. Although it is totally valid and important to celebrate the sexual part of your identity, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences that piece, and being inclusive with language and celebrating different orientations encapsulates every queer identity. And I’m not a parent, but lots of young queer people and little kids attend with their families, so maybe showing off your kinks and fetishes at pride parades while wearing leashes and leather is not the most family friendly choice…

It is obviously important to celebrate the queer community now and moving forward, and it is amazing that being queer is so widely accepted in the United States that companies are making products that target a queer demographic. But, we still have a long way to go. Corporations should be donating money to queer organizations. They should be advocating for the passage of gender-affirming healthcare and a federal ban to conversion therapy. They should be using their platform to spread awareness and support the community.

Now. Simply not saying additional letters does not actually wipe away the intersex or aromantic or pansexual population. Wearing slutty clothing to pride does not offend asexuals. However, when being an ally, or even a member of an oppressed community, language is impactful, especially when actions in the past (and unfortunately the present) have been harmful to queer people. Pride month, and every month, is a time to celebrate differences and let love be love.

Alright. That’s enough from me. Pride month is so soon, and I am so excited to buy rainbow stickers and wave my little flag at a parade.

Sobriety, Weddings, and Violins: Things That Make Me Wonder “Is That an Ace Thing?”

Today I am going to be listing off things, thoughts, actions, interests, any other descriptive word, that makes me wonder “Is that an ace thing?” Sometimes I’ll be going about my day and have a realization, and I will wonder if that is a universal feeling, a me feeling, or just an ace thing. So, if you’re ace, please weigh in. I think some of these things are going to be ace experiences, and others might be funny coincidences. Nevertheless, let’s begin.

Aces Enjoy Being Sober

Now. As an underage college student I obviously have never touched a drop of alcohol in my life. Edibles? I have never heard of such a thing. Marijuana? Couldn’t be me…(cough cough hint hint nudge nudge). So…the following statements are totally and surely hypothetical.

I will start by saying that no matter your age, but especially as a college student, it is incredibly important to use substances responsibly and with people you feel safe with. Thankfully I have a lovely group of friends who support me whether I choose to endeavor into adult substances or choose to remain sober, and most of the time I choose to be, as they say, stone cold sober. Now. I have never had a bad experience under the influence and have always consumed a non-concerning amount of alcohol. However, I rarely do because I just don’t have that much interest in it. Sure, it’s fun to try. It’s a different group activity than what I usually do. But I just don’t see the major appeal. In my mind that groups into the face thing with the no sex bit. Why drink alcohol or have sex when I could eat a cookie and watch a movie?

There has been a study done which I’ll link here (link!) that discusses how ace people are less likely to drink. The culture with drinking is usually surrounded by hookup culture, and that obviously is not the ideal spot for a majority of asexual or aromantic people.

Clothes Don’t Sexualize You

Let’s see if I can explain this correctly. You can wear sexy clothes and be sexy in them if you decide that. If you just think they’re cute, and enjoy wearing them but are sexualized, that’s a societal issue. And there’s an aura, an energy, about those who wear hot or sexy clothes for the purpose of being hot or sexy.

It’s ultimately up to the person to decide if something they’re wearing or doing is sexual. If I put on a tiny top and called it “slutty,” I would say that in a sense that I’m showing a lot of skin and society would probably sexualize me. But, in my ace mind, I’m simply wearing a shirt I look hot in, and by no means am trying to get people to notice me.

Does that make sense? Wear what you want and I don’t care. As long as your clothing doesn’t impact your life or is so revealing that it is actually going to bother others…wear what you want. It doesn’t matter.

I Don’t Want Kids

Plenty of people don’t want kids for a variety of reasons. Plenty of heterosexual, cisgender people don’t want kids. I think my no-kids view has to do with my asexuality, but also with the fact that I just don’t love children. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited to be the cool aunt. I can’t wait until my nieces and nephews (or niblings) visit me in my future cottage and I read them books and teach them cool things and am the coolest, most funny aunt ever. However, I feel no desire to raise them for the next 18+ years. That seems like so much work. Work I wouldn’t enjoy. I would rather raise cats and a pet cow.

Also, it is possible that I would have to be pregnant to have kids. And there is truly not a single brain cell in my mind that can imagine that. I have no desire to be pregnant. To birth a child. If I had kids I would adopt, and I thought that for a while until recently when I realized I don’t want kids at all. From a young age I knew I wanted to adopt if I had children and looking back that must have been a subconscious asexual thing.

Maybe if my future partner really wants kids and I get older I might want them. Never say never as they say. But also…it seems unlikely.

Weddings Are Way Too Big a Deal

Weddings seem like way too much work for what they are. So many people. So many details. So. Much. Money. Not to mention weddings feel super heteronormative and Jesus-y. Not my vibe. (Obviously not all, this is just a general claim).

Now, I’m not saying it’s all bad. Because I want to be proposed to so badly. However, I do not want a gigantic wedding. Instead, I would love a little party with my family and friends where we can listen to music and eat cake and I have an opportunity to wear a dress that isn’t white and have a stunning moss agate wedding ring. My future partner and I can sign the papers ahead of time and do the legal thing. It doesn’t need to be a huge deal. I think there’s an aspect of straight culture that is all “get married and you can stop trying” when in reality I want to get married because it’s romantic and I can have a party to celebrate queer love.

Additionally, I want to keep my last name. I have a memory of being in the fifth grade and thinking how I would keep my last name unless my husband had a really good one that was even better than mine. Obviously I don’t want the husband part but my point still stands. And, I am no way opposed to a hyphenated last name. Imagine I write a gay little book and I get to have my name on it as well as my partner’s last name added right on the end of mine. That’s adorable.

Aces Always Play an Instrument

I have never met an ace person who does not play an instrument. I play the violin, and if I think back to every ace person I know now or knew in high school it is 100% true that they are in some kind of music program. This one must be a coincidence but it is pretty funny that every ace person I know lives in the music department of their school.

Aces Are Hot and in a Relationship

I have never met an ugly ace person. I have never met an uncool ace person. And I also have never met an ace person who hasn’t been in a relationship or is currently in one. Aces pull people. Probably because we’re hot. And if you’re ace and not in a relationship it’s probably because you don’t want to be or you’re simply waiting for your perfect ace partner to come along.

This probably ties back with the previous point that aces are cool and musicians are cool. When I tell you how happy I would be if I had a musician/rocker girlfriend or partner. Hot.

Alright. That’s all. What was this but another blog post scraping my brain for silly ace experiences.

Why boygenius is Changing The Lives of Queer Listeners

In my last blog post I talked about how I wanted to have a post dedicated to boygenius and my deep, deep love for them. This is that post.

If you are unaware, boygenius (yes in lowercase letters) is a band, specifically a supergroup, made up of three queer women named Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and Lucy Dacus. They all had successful solo careers before they teamed up in 2018, forming a close friendship and later a band. They released their EP, boygenius, in 2018 and haven’t released anything else together until now. They got back together when the pandemic started, initiated by Phoebe Bridgers, just weeks after she released her album, Punisher.

Their album, the record, was released March 31st 2023 and contains songs about love, friendship, religion, and heartbreak.

But what’s so great about them that I need to write a whole blog post on it?

First of all, they’re an all queer band. We often see bands made up of boys who are usually straight white men. And, when we do get girl groups, they’re expected to sing about heartbreak and be everything society tells women they should be. boygenius not only breaks the expected girl group trope, but they do it in a queer way, singing about love, friendship, and mental health. Even the name of their band plays with the idea of men having superiority in the music industry. They poke fun at the patriarchy, sing about life, not just boys, and wear suits. Plus, fans call them “the boys” and I think that’s just adorable.

Additionally, many queer listeners can see themselves represented by each member. Phoebe is sarcastic, edgy, and bisexual. Lucy is kind, funny, and queer, and Julien is energetic, passionate, and gay.

Secondly, they’re activists. All three members actively speak out about political issues such as abortion and women and queer rights. In their song “$20,” lyrics further this claim when they sing “Pushing the flowers that come up/Into the front of a shotgun/So many hills to die on.”

Thirdly, they have a beautiful friendship. I am obsessed with watching interviews and clips from concerts with them because they are just so adorable. They smile, laugh, make jokes, hug, and even tackle each other on stage. You can see how pure and real their friendship is, and that provides so much hope and joy.

Fourthly, I am in love with Julien Baker. She is always so happy. She has such golden retriever energy. She has the most genuine, biggest smile I have ever seen. She’s adorable. She is only five feet tall and full of energy. She is so intelligent. She speaks eloquently in interviews and you can tell how passionate she is about being an artist and a role model. Her laugh is contagious. She is covered in tattoos and wears masc outfits that make my gay heart fall head over heels. She has a guitar that says “queer joy” and every time I see it I could truly cry.

I could obviously say the same for each member, but I do have a favorite, so I’m not going to shut up about her.

And lastly, I’m seeing them in concert and I could literally explode. I’m so happy. I truly have no words to describe how excited I am to see them. They are so gay, and I am so gay, and I didn’t even realize how important it was for me to be in that kind of environment with other queer listeners listening to a bunch of queer people sing about being queer. It is so validating. It is so heartwarming. It fills me with so much hope. And it hasn’t even happened yet. I just know how fantastic it is going to be.

Now. I say they’re changing lives, and I can for certain say they changed my life, but probably not in the grand way you’re thinking. They didn’t show up to my house and give me a million dollars or save my puppy from a burning fire. They simply exist. All they do is show the queer community that we can exist and be ourselves and form genuine relationships and be happy. But, we don’t have to be happy all the time, especially when we’re listening to their music.

You already know you’ll be getting an updated blog post once I see them perform in July. Until then!

10 Songs That Aren’t About Romance or Sex

We all know by now that I am nothing if not a hopeless romantic. However, that is not the case for my entire community. Some aces and aros out there don’t enjoy consuming media that is about romance or sex so this blog post is for them (you’re welcome). Plus, it seems difficult to create a good song not about love when that is all we hear about on the radio so props to all these people for doing just that.

Here’s ten great songs not about love or sex:

(Can We Be Friends?) – Conan Gray

I haven’t mentioned the love of my life Conan Lee Gray very recently in a blog post and it’s starting to feel like a crime. Oh Conan. I have nothing bad to say about this man just as I have nothing bad to say about this song. His song is short, sweet, and incredibly intimate. If you need a song for that one special friend (or friends) in your life this is the perfect song for them.

Notable lyric: “Could you be my best friend?/Can we be friends?”

Additionally: “So, if anybody fucks with you/I’ll knock their teeth out (yeah)”

The little “yeah” is followed by a tiny laugh and it really gets me good every time.

Mood Ring – Lorde

I love this song mostly because the whole thing is satire and commentary on trying to connect with oneself through spirituality. The whole song is politically charged and if I’m going to listen to a song I love when it comments on corruption in society.

Notable lyric: “You can burn sage, and I’ll cleanse the crystals/We can get high, but only if the wind blows”

Brutal – Olivia Rodrigo

Maybe I just wanted another opportunity to talk about Conan Gray as he is best friends with Olivia, but this song is a banger and all about teen angst which I’m sure Conan approves of.

Notable lyric: “And I’m not cool and I’m not smart/And I can’t even parallel park”

I am cool, and I am smart, but if Miss Rodrigo has been right about anything it’s the fact that I can’t parallel park.

Eat Your Young – Hozier

Every time I talk about music I talk about Hozier because that man is just that talented. He recently released three songs before he releases his third album later this year and I already know it is going to be a masterpiece. This song is about the famine in Ireland and the things people had to do for money to provide for their families.

Notable lyric: “Skinning the children for a war drum/Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns”

Literally oh my god. Andrew. I-

Satanist – boygenius

When I tell you I am in love with boygenius you better believe it. I somewhat recently started listening to Phoebe Bridgers, who makes up one third of the supergroup boygenius, and decided to listen to their debut record after a five year hiatus from when they released their EP. The other members, Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker, are also extremely talented, and although I don’t listen to their music quite as much, I am head over heels in love with Julien Baker. She has golden retriever energy and is so silly and happy I could just pass away. Additionally, they are an all queer band and I think I have to write a completely separate blog post on how important they are to me, their friendship, and the massive gay crush I have on Julien.

Notable lyric: “Will you be a satanist with me?/Mortgage off your soul to buy your dream”

Additionally: “Will you be an anarchist with me?/Sleep in cars and kill the bourgeoisie”

So edgy so punk so cool.

The Kids Are All Dying – FINNEAS

The first time I listened to this song I knew it was going to be one of my favorites. And it is. It is so good. Truly everything about it. The message. The sound. The music video. The irony.

Notable lyric: “How can you sing about drugs? Politicians are lying”

Additionally: “Bang Bang/Knocking on my door/”Do you have a dollar? Would you like to fund a war?/What’s your carbon footprint and could you be doing more?””

Chinese Satellite – Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is such a unique artist. Sometimes I’ll listen to a song by her or boygenius and think to myself “wow this whole poem is a metaphor” and then I’ll read what it’s about and it will be about the most literal specific situation ever. This song feels like it could be a breakup song upon first listen but it’s actually about Phoebe’s relationship with faith and the fact that she doesn’t believe in god.

Notable lyric: “You were screaming at the Evangelicals/They were screaming right back from what I remember”

Fan Behavior – Isaac Dunbar

The first time I listened to this song was blasting it in the car and my jaw was literally on the floor. I have no words to describe how good this song is. A true hype song. Isaac’s voice is just inexplicably good and this song truly makes me speechless.

Notable lyric: “Hey, I just wanna say “hey” to let you know your blow/And all you did was feed my ego”

Number One Fan – MUNA

I mentioned this song in my blog post titled “How I Became Confident in Myself, My Sexuality, and Being Unlabeled” Where I obviously discussed how I’m hot and sexy and love myself. And at the bottom of that post I said you could just listen to this song because this song is about self love and is a pop banger.

Notable lyric: “”Oh my God like, I’m your number one fan/So iconic, like big, like stan, like/I would give my life just to hold your hand/I’m your number one fan”

no body, no crime – Taylor Swift

It wouldn’t be a music discussion without mentioning the music industry herself, Taylor Alison Swift. This song goes out to all the misogynistic men who think she only writes about boys and heartbreak. A song about the hypothetical murder of her best friend? Creativity and lyricism is unmatched.

Notable lyrics: “Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy”

There we go. Ten songs about anything other than romantic relationships.

How I Knew I Was Asexual!

I decided I needed to write an explicitly ace post because I haven’t done one in a while. This post might be really familiar if you’ve read “How I Knew I Was Asexual and Queer.” However, that blog post also discusses how I realized I was in fact, not straight and liked women, so I decided to make a post on how I knew I was asexual without all the other complicated parts.

The following is a list of things that made me realize I was asexual. Some things seem to be common amongst the ace community, and some seem to just be a me thing. Take these with a grain of salt.

Literally what is sexual attraction?

The biggest thing that made me realize I was asexual was that I had no idea what the heck sexual attraction was. And, as I quickly found out with many Google searches, no one thinks to write about it because you’re just supposed to know. Google would always tell me that it was a feeling to desire sexual contact with someone else. From my understanding (allos correct me here) that is true. However…THAT MAKES NO SENSE. How am I supposed to know if I feel that? Unfortunately there is no guide or chart to tell you if you feel sexual attraction, and I came to the conclusion that I do not want to have sex with people and have never felt a desire to…so I must be ace.

Somewhat relevant note here: I was around 17 when I started questioning this, so if you’re any younger I wouldn’t overthink anything, but obviously if that is a label you feel comfortable with, use it! There is no age limit on when you can label your sexuality and no one knows how you feel more than you do.

I kept coming back to the label asexual.

From my experience, if a label is swimming around in our brain for a long time, it may be the right one for you. For probably at least six months I questioned if I was ace…and everything I kept wondering and feeling was basically confirmation that I was …so I came out. And let me tell you, I was more nervous to come out as ace than I was to say I like girls. There was something so scary about coming out as ace because I was so afraid I would be wrong and put myself into a community where I don’t belong. (This was a fear because the ace community is so misunderstood and even smaller than the amount of people who like the same gender as them). Obviously, I truly belong. And even if I didn’t and no longer identified an ace later, that would be okay. I could just no longer use that label.

Additionally, once I came out as asexual I realized that I found even more comfort in others knowing that about me, and everything about myself that felt different from what others felt was validated.

Sex is gross!

This one’s self explanatory. I don’t want to touch someone else. I don’t want someone to touch me sexually. That would be…say it with me now…gross!

I call myself a sex-averse asexual (meaning I don’t have any desire to have sex or have positive feelings about doing it) but I think if I were to involve myself into a sexual situation I would be sex-repulsed (meaning I literally find it disgusting).

If I had sex it would be way off in the future.

I would always be so shocked when I realized that my high school peers were genuinely sexually active. Not only was I not in a relationship for most of high school, I always thought I would have sex later in life. Now as a college student I can confidently say that I am at that age where people have sex and I want none of it.

If I had sex it would be boring.

If for some reason I had sex I would not be the giver or do anything that isn’t so basic and vanilla. Probably because I don’t want to have sex at all!

I’ve never had a lot of crushes.

I have had five whole crushes in my lifetime. And three of them were boys and I no longer experience attraction to men. My friends seem to have a new crush every week. I have not found anyone on my college campus who I have any desire to date.

Maybe that’s because I’ve convinced myself that my tiny liberal arts college can’t possibly hold the love of my life/future person I’m going to marry. But more realistically I think it’s just an ace thing and I am somewhat realistic with my crushes, so if they’re in a relationship or likely allosexual my brain takes that option off of the table.

I never wanted to do anything sexual with my past crushes.

You’re telling me…people want to have sex with their crushes. They want to perform sexual activities. They want to make out with their crush. They want to kiss them on the lips?!

Absolutely not.

Never in my life has a thought about being sexual with a crush crossed my mind.

All I want to do with my crushes is get to know them and then hold their hand..because that’s cute. And not gross.

Labels with “sex” in them felt off.

When it came to labeling my sexuality as a whole, labels with “sexual” in them (such as bisexual or pansexual) felt wrong because they implied that I was experiencing sexual attraction to multiple genders. Although I have always felt a connection to the label panromantic, (for the implication that I like people and not necessarily parts) it is probably just because it has to do more with my asexuality and my fluid romantic orientation rather than the fact that I am attracted to every gender.

People have sexual fantasies.

People have sexual fantasies that they actually want to do in real life. Not only am I not having sexual fantasies but…well, there is no but.

What the heck is feeling horny?

Literally what does being horny mean. When do you feel horny? How often do you feel horny? Why is it called horny? Am I a car with a horn? (Sorry bad ace joke).

“You’ll start having new feelings as your body begins to change…”

I never understood what people meant when they said you’ll start looking at boys or girls differently when you reach puberty/middle school age. What do you mean I will? Sure I’ll have a little crush but that’s it. Turns out I was just a naive asexual and it turns out that is when people start to feel sexual attraction and start having those thoughts and feelings for the first time.

Also…people had crushes in middle school. (I had a singular crush in my three years of middle school).

People had crushes in elementary school?! I refuse to believe that. And by refuse I mean I just don’t understand and can not comprehend my eight year old self having a crush on little Timmy.

Wow. What am I but a confused ace? Thankfully my time being an out asexual has allowed me to understand some of these a bit better…or simply ignore them.

If you are also a confused ace (or possible ace) I hope this was somewhat helpful and not just a chaotic word vomit of everything that puzzles my little queer brain.

I think I’m going to listen to some Leith Ross now.