Tag: queer

Songs About Sex That This Asexual Loves

As the owner of a gay blog and a music enthusiast I thought it was time for another blog post about music – this time with some irony. Today I am going to be sharing ten songs about sex that I, an asexual, love. 

Now. It isn’t really that ironic that asexuals listen to songs about sex. There are so many songs out there, and a lot of mainstream songs are about love or sex. I am an asexual that loves pop songs, and as a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, there is nothing I love more than a good love song. 

However, there are some asexuals or aromantics who prefer not to listen to music about romance or sex. They find it annoying, or gross, or honestly, pop-ey love songs are just not their preferred genre. Occasionally there will be songs about sex that I do not like, but I am unsure if that is because I’m ace or because the song is just bad. Usually the problem with songs is that the word choice is incredibly explicit. There are certain words that portray a pretty graphic sexual image and I find that (shockingly) gross. It just so happens that  a lot of the songs I listen to happen to be about romance instead of sex. Then again, there are definitely as few that are as sexual as it gets. 

Here are some songs about sex that this asexual loves: 

  1. Gummy – Isaac Dunbar

Isaac Dunbar is the king of indie alternative pop songs. If you’re looking for a song with witty lyrics, intense beat drops, and catchy harmonies, this is the guy for you. And, in my very correct opinion, he is extremely underrated. His most recent album, Banish The Banshee, has quickly moved up my list of favorite records. His song “Gummy,” the second track on this album, is very explicitly about sex, and it is so good. 

In “Gummy” Isaac sings about an experience he had while under the influence of a certain special type of candy, and shouts about all of the things he is going to talk about, whether society approves or not. 

Notable lyrics: “I’m talking ’bout sex” (obviously)

Additionally:  “She likes my afro and my cheeky foreplay/We slow dance/She confessed, ‘Isaac, I thought you were gay’”

  1. Dress – Taylor Swift 

We all know Miss Taylor Alison Swift is the queen of pop music in every single genre. Indie, country, and electro pop, this gal can do it all. The following song is a fan favorite for its lyrics, relatable desire, and queerness (which you can read about here). I will admit, it is rare for Taylor to sing songs about sex as she has held up a good girl image for so long, but this song, off of her 2017 album Reputation, lets us know that Taylor is in fact, done protecting her reputation, and is going to write about whatever she wants. 

Swift writes about a lover she is friends with, but wants oh so much more. 

Notable lyrics: “Only bought this dress so you could take it off”

Additionally: let us be aware of the sensual gasps and beat drops throughout this piece. 

  1. Casual – Chappell Roan

I have a feeling Miss Roan is going to blow up once her album releases and she will be a household name. Chappell creates beautiful narrative pop ballads that will have you obsessed the first second you hear them. My friends and I can’t get enough of her, and are completely devastated. Her most recent concert was 21+  and we couldn’t attend. Chappell, if you’re reading this, please, please let us 19 year olds into your next concert. I’m begging. 

Chappell sings about a relationship with a guy who is not taking it seriously, and the oh so complicated roller coaster of emotions that comes with it, one obviously being their desire for each other. 

Notable lyrics: “Knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out”

Additionally:  “I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner”

Need I say more? 

  1. Pussy is God – King Princess

King Princess is the crazy gay best friend you never had. Their vocals and lyricism never miss, and she creates songs that are slow and emotional, or sensual and powerful. 

I don’t think I have to tell you what this song is about…

Notable lyrics: “Your pussy is God and I love it/Gonna kiss me real hard, make me wanna it/You know that it’s God, baby, when you’re around her/I’ve been praying for hours”

Mikaela…

  1. Did you come? – girl in red

girl in red is an icon in the queer music scene. Her ability to produce banger after banger is unbelievable. Her lyrics, unique sound, and voice allow her to tell beautiful stories of queerness, and in this case, the anger after a devastating heartbreak.

In this song, which I would argue is one of her best songs of all time, Marie sings about a breakup where her significant other brutally cheats on her, and the obvious anger that comes with it.  

Notable lyrics: “Was she good? Just what you liked?/Did you cum? How many times?/Did you do the things you know I like?/Roll your tongue, make her cum twenty times?”

  1. Becky’s So Hot – FLETCHER

If you’ve got that one ex you can’t seem to get over, Fletcher is the gal for you. 

Fletcher wrote this song about her ex-girlfriend’s new girlfriend, who yes, is named Becky in real life. And yes, we all know who her ex-girlfriend is, and all the drama that came with this song. It’s known on TikTok as the “Fletcher effect,’ and after this song was written, many well known internet lesbian couples broke up and caused a ton of drama on the app. 

Notable lyrics: “Someone saw you out on Friday, saw you walking sideways/Guess you’re gettin’ fucked real good now” 

Additionally: “’Cause Becky’s so hot in your vintage t-shirt/Ooh, she the one I should hate/But I wanna know how she taste”

How she taste?! Gay. 

  1. Bloom – Troye Sivan  

Troye Sivan is truly the blueprint for what every queer indie artist desires to be. Catchy lyrics, narrative storytelling, and a true online presence, this man has a song for every gay experience ever. 

One could argue this is about a lovely hike with some beautiful scenery, but we all know that is not what Troye was trying to sing about. If I really wanted to be a lit nerd and analyze this song, one could even suggest the location he’s in is the Garden of Eden, and woah, wouldn’t that be some religious symbolism and conflict between queerness and Christianity. 

Notable lyrics: “It’s true, baby/I’ve been saving this for you, baby/Take a trip into my garden/I’ve got so much to show ya/The fountains and the waters/Are begging just to know ya”

  1. Moment’s Silence – Hozier 

No one, and I mean no one, does lyrics like Hozier does. I’m convinced Andrew Hozier-Byrne is a romantic poet of the 21st century. If you need a song about religion, Greek gods, and the beauty of women, this is your guy. I have no word to express the beauty in his voice and lyricism. Hozier is honestly the best lyricist I have ever heard. The things this man sings. I wish I could possess a single ounce of literary talent this man has. 

All you need to do is read the lyrics to know what this song is most definitely about…

Notable lyrics: “A moment’s silence when my baby puts the mouth on me”

  1. Boyfriend – Dove Cameron

Dove Cameron is mostly well known for her multiple roles on Disney, but her music career has exploded due to her iconic queer pop songs I, and many others, can’t seem to get enough of. 

Dove wrote “Boyfriend” about an experience she had meeting another woman, where the night ended back at her place. This song is full of role reversal and feminism, and I am here for it. 

Notable lyrics: “I could do the shit that he never did/Up all night, I won’t quit”

  1. Nonsense – Sabrina Carpenter 

This is one of the best pop songs of 2022. The rhyming. The lyricism. 

Another song I don’t need to explain the context of: 

Notable lyrics: “I’m talkin’ hope nobody knocks/I’m talkin’ opposite of soft/I’m talkin’ wild, wild thoughts”

Additionally: “How quickly can you take your clothes off pop quiz?”

I Got a Conan Gray Inspired Tattoo

On my adventure to become an even hotter and sexier person I knew one thing had to be done: I needed to get a tattoo. I had always thought that maybe somewhere down the road I would get a tattoo if I came up with a design I absolutely loved. However, I am super picky about tattoos, and preferred ones that were fine lines in black or colored ink. I had seen a lot of ugly tattoos and did  not want to be the owner of one. 

Up until my nineteenth year of life a design like that had never spoken to me. Then, one day on TikTok I saw someone get lyrics from a Conan Gray song tattooed on their arm in Conan’s handwriting. This thought had never even occurred to me. When Conan’s most recent album, Superache, came out in June of 2022, he sold vinyls with pictures, a poster, and lyric sheets he had written in his own handwriting. 

In the back of my mind, I loved this idea and considered it for myself, but I am indecisive, so I sat with it for a while. Plus, I had the “Astronomy” lyrics sheet that had a tiny Saturn and stars drawn on it, and I had been considering getting that tattooed somewhere, but never decided where I wanted it. Later, I decided I wanted lyrics from my favorite song, “People Watching.” It’s been my favorite song for years, plus that song is definitely aspec and queer.

I was worried it would be a bit cringe to get a tattoo inspired by my favorite artists. What if he’s no longer my favorite artist in two years? What if he does something super crazy and gets totally and completely canceled by society? (We all know that wouldn’t happen, Conan is too pure for this world). I never thought I would be one of those fangirls who practically dedicated their life to an artist, and maybe I’m not there yet, but let’s be honest, Conan is a huge part of my life. 

The idea of a tattoo was in my head, and I knew I eventually had to get one. I considered behind my ear, and on my finger, but none of those places seemed just right. After scrolling on Pinterest, I saw lots of cute tattoos on people’s ribs, and decided I would be even hotter and sexier with a rib tat. Have you ever met an uncool unsexy person with a rib tat? I think not. 

I had considered getting the words “people watching” tattooed on my ribs, but on another Pinterest scroll, I saw a graphic that said “love and emotion” and I knew what had to be done. 

Here’s all the reasons I decided to get “love and emotion” tattooed on my body forever:

  1. Conan brings me the most joy I have ever felt in my whole entire silly little life. 
  2. “People Watching” is my favorite song of all time. 
  3. Love and emotion is so me. I am so full of love, and I am so full of emotion.
  4. Rib tats are hot. 
  5. The way Conan sings “love and emotion” in “People Watching” is so angelic and beautiful I knew I needed it on my body forever.
  6. If this song ends up not being my most favorite, looking back on this and knowing how much joy and happiness this brought me at the age of nineteen would be a lovely little memory to have. 
  7. If for some reason I ended up hating it, I could easily cover it up and never see it. 
  8. It’s good for the plot. 

I had the idea of getting a Conan lyric in the back of my mind for at least four months, and in January Fully committed to “love and emotion.” At first, I decided I would sit with it until the fall, and get a tattoo at the end of 2023 if I still wanted it.

That clearly didn’t happen. 

One day, in the middle of January, I was walking back from math class, and “People Watching” came on in my headphones. There must have been something in the air that day because that song had never sounded so good, and I knew, I just knew, that I needed it on my body forever. Plus, I had the playlist on shuffle (Conan’s Complete Collection), and the song that came on right after was once again “People Watching.” I took that as a sign. (The song was added to the playlist twice, once as a single and once when the entire Superache album was added. What’s the chance that song plays back to back?!)

After that, I told my dear friend Rana my epiphany, and we began looking for a tattoo artist (since she wanted a tattoo as well). She found the location, and we did our separate research on the artists who worked there, coincidentally having the same favorite artist, who we immediately booked with. I decided to book for after my birthday in February (giving myself a whole month to wait). I knew I wanted to get my tattoo when I was 19, mostly because it sounded like a good age for a tattoo, and 18 seemed too young and irresponsible. Ironically enough, I ended up getting the tattoo three days after my 19th birthday, so maybe some of my 18th year decision making was still with me. 

Rana and I weren’t able to get a tattoo appointment for the same day, so I watched her get hers first, and got mine the next day. Watching her get her tattoo got rid of almost all of my nerves, and replaced them with pure excitement. Rana got a rose on her left inner arm, and I can honestly say (not even as her friend) that it is the prettiest rose I have ever seen. The lines are so incredibly thin and the detail work is crazy good. I have truly never seen such a beautifully detailed tattoo like it before. Our artist did an amazing job. 

At my appointment, I adjusted the words from the “People Watching” lyric sheet a tiny bit, in order to make the lines straighter and adjust Cone’s handwriting so it was clear enough to my liking. 

I was hardly nervous. I was just so excited, and even once the tattoo needle was out, my nerves remained only a slight flicker. 

Now. You know what everyone says about rib tattoos. That they hurt. I got my tattoo on the right side of my body, in a middle space between my stomach and right rib cage, so it’s visible when I wear a tiny top or a bikini. I would give the pain a 6/10. It definitely stung and was uncomfortable, but it was totally bearable. I would go through it again. Maybe if it was on my actual rib cage, on top of the bones, it would have hurt a lot more. 

I was at the appointment for about an hour and fifteen minutes, but the actual tattoo process took about thirty minutes. First the artist did the outline of the words, then went back and filled them in. I focused on my breathing to distract from the stinging, and talked to my two friends who accompanied me. (I ended up paying $170 for it including tip). 

Once the tattoo was done, I obviously got to look at it, and I was overjoyed. It looked so cool. The tattoo was bigger than what I originally had in mind, but in order for it to look good over time, a bigger size was necessary for it to last well, and size and location actually turned out perfect, and I had an awesome artist who I would definitely go to again and again. 

Even after I got the tattoo, and still now, I can’t believe that I am actually a person with permanent ink on my body. 

Future Jadey will insert info about the healing process here: 

The hardest part about the first few days of healing was that it was covered in a clear bandage, so I could see the ink begin to bleed as my tattoo healed and liquid and gunk buildup under the wrap. That meant I couldn’t see my tattoo very clearly. All I wanted to do was look at it!! I kept returning to the photos I had taken in order to see it crisp and clear. I thought it might get irritated when I worked out, but it didn’t at all.  (I waited until the third day to work out). 

After one week I was surprised to report that everything was perfect. I took the bandage off after three days, and began a routine of washing and moisturizing the spot twice a day. I thought it might be painful, or annoying to sleep on, but that was not the case. There was no itching, and no discomfort whatsoever. 

A final update: after two weeks it’s totally fine?! I thought it would itch or feel like something, but it didn’t. It did peel a bit, but it was hardly noticeable. I kept comparing the healing process to that or an ear piercing, as that was the most similar experience I had to compare it to. And let me tell you, a tattoo is way better than a piercing. I got my helix pierced four months ago, and it still hurts if I sleep on it wrong. My tattoo on the other hand is almost too easy to sleep on. 

Now…the question is. Jadey. Will you get another tattoo? The answer is…

Probably. 

I have a few vague ideas of what I would want, but I am in no rush whatsoever to get another. I would like to get some more piercings first, and that costs just as much as a tattoo, and unfortunately for me, my blog doesn’t make me any money, so I’ll be waiting a while for another round of anything. 

Alright. That’s enough talking. Of course I love it. It’s Conan. I’m excited for it to be summer so I can show it off and see how it looks in a few months when it’s completely healed. 

If you were looking for a sign to get a tattoo, this is it. 

Sometimes Asexuality Makes Me Sad

Recently, I had the realization that sometimes my asexuality makes me sad. 

Up until this point in time I had never really thought that. Obviously, it brings me a lot of joy, as it is something I talk about quite a lot and even created a whole blog to discuss. I talked about it a little when I made a few breakup posts, and wrote about how I feared there might not be someone out there for me because I’m ace. I still know that’s not true. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t those thoughts in the back of my mind. It’s hard to know that my asexuality, something I love about myself, is a flaw to others. It’s an issue to them, rather than a feature. And I know that it limits those who want to date me. It might be challenging to find another ace person to date. And while I know it’s possible I could be happy dating an allo person, I still worry my asexuality might be a burden. That it might prevent someone from feeling fulfilled in a relationship with me. Obviously, if that was the case, I shouldn’t be in a relationship with that person. But that would inevitably lead to quite a sad breakup.

I know my asexuality is special. I know I’m special. I know there are people out there in the world who would be so lucky to know me and be my friend, let alone date me and have the opportunity to be loved by me. Because I am so full of love. I have so much love and joy to give and I look forward to the day when I meet the person I get to spend the rest of my life with. I know it’ll be a love story for the pages. However, it’s different when I tell that to myself. It’s different when I tell myself how compassionate and cool and kind I am, compared to when someone else does. Trust me, I know there are people in my life who think this. I know my friends and family love me. They do think I’m amazing. I don’t need them to verbalize that to know it. But, it’s different when there’s something about you that is so unique, so different from the experience of those around you.

I think it brings me more sadness especially because I am a sex-averse asexual (as opposed to being sex-neutral or sex favorable). I don’t want to have sex. I don’t want to do anything sexual. It would make me extremely uncomfortable. Heck, I don’t even want to kiss someone on the lips. 

That in itself is a whole other topic of sadness. I know I’ve written about this before, but at this point in time, I wish I was an asexual that likes kissing. I hope that desire goes away eventually. But I know it’s okay because our society is so consumed with sex and romance that it can be hard to unlearn things. I don’t need to kiss someone to experience intimacy or show my love. There are so many other ways I can do that. Even though it’s silly of me, I do hope that maybe I will meet someone and want to kiss them. Is that possibly an aphobic thing for me to think about? Probably. But oh well. I know it won’t happen and I can think whatever I want about myself. It just seems so fun and cute. Oh well.

It’s not easy being queer. And unfortunately, the longer I live out and proud as I do, the more I realize that. I live in my own little gay bubble full of joy and rainbows. I talk about being queer and make it a big part of my life because it is. It is so important to me. That is not the reality of queerness. Like many other marginalized communities, being in the queer community is full of heartache. That is the brutal reality of my life. Of my community’s life. And it’s something that isn’t going to go away. Who knows. It might never. 

My asexuality makes me sad. I’m sad people don’t understand it. I’m sad it limits my relationships and dating pool. I’m sad people have so many misconceptions and stereotypes about me and my community. I’m sad there is so little asexual representation in the media. I’m sad I don’t get to experience the spark of a first kiss or the giddy experience of telling my friends a cute boy asked for my number. There are experiences I miss out on because I’m ace and queer and that is something I have to come to terms with.

Alright. That’s enough sadness for today. It maybe didn’t help that I listened to Phoebe Bridgers the whole time I wrote this.

Exposing My Journal Entries From My Sexuality Crisis

At the end of 2020 when my sexuality crisis started, I did what any person trying to salvage their emotional state does; I began journaling. 

Side note, I still journal to this day if I’m overthinking or need to rant. My blog has kind of turned into my journal, and I can confidently say writing about events in my life has brought me a lot of peace and happiness. 

Now that I’m back from college for winter break, I have access to the very journal I wrote in, and decided to make a very entertaining blog post by going through it and writing my thoughts about that time. Instead of laughing at myself (although I will be doing a little of that) I decided it would be much more beneficial to give advice that I could have used during that time, and possibly provide advice for anyone else having a sexuality crisis as I did. 

I will start by saying that if you are questioning a label or your sexuality for quite some time, it’s probably because that is your label. Straight cisgender people don’t spend every waking hour questioning if they’re trans or aromantic or bisexual. If a label is swimming around in your mind, it’s probably who you are. Not always, but oftentimes that is the case. 

Okay, onto the journal. The first entry was from December 9th 2020. Out of the many bullet points I wrote (lots of which you can find here) the one that sticks out to me is “I would be okay if someone assumed I wasn’t straight.” 

For all of the statements you’re going to read and wonder how I had these thoughts and still thought I was straight, I will admit that in the very very back depths of my mind during this time I did know that I was probably queer, it just wasn’t something I was fully admitting to myself. 

The next day I wrote about the release of Evermore followed by a statement that said “I wouldn’t be too mad if I liked girls. I mean, having a pretty girlfriend would be cool. But am I ACTUALLY ATTRACTED to women?!” 

Unfortunately for me I wasn’t aware of asexuality yet, and was definitely struggling to confirm if I was attracted to women when I was unaware I was not sexually attracted to anyone. 

In a full circle moment I also wrote “One day I’ll look back on this when everything is figured out. Today is not that day.” Two years later, it’s very comforting to know how confident I am in my sexuality. I’m sure Past Jadey would be very happy and proud of Future/Present Jadey. I also wrote about how I wished I knew about the LGBTQIA+ community when I was younger. At the ripe old age of 17, I felt that I was late in the game to knowing my sexuality. This is obviously not the case. I was, and still am, quite young. I have a lot of things figured out about myself that others older than me don’t, yet I also have so much more to learn. It is unfortunate that many queer people, especially youth, have to figure out all of this information by themselves. Thankfully social media has become a very easy way to learn about the community and has normalized our existence even more. 

December 25th 2020:

I thought I could be bi with a strong preference for men. Ironically, right after I said that, I stated that having a crush on a girl would feel “Warm. Fuzzy. Sweet. Dare I say right?” 

I truly laughed out loud reading that.

Dare I say right?!? That is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard!!! 

January 21st 2021:

“I have a crush on a girl lmao.” 

It’s the casual “lmao” for me. The lowercase letters. The laughing at my situation. 

Wow. Look at me finally admitting things to myself. My first girl crush. A big deal. Looking back, the person I had a crush on is pretty cool, so I’m not surprised I pined over her for a while. Sometimes you look back on the crush you had and want to projectile vomit all over the floor. I’m happy to say that is not the case, and honestly makes me enjoy looking back on this because there’s nothing mortifying I have to face. 

February 15th 2021:

 I “feel very comfortable/happy with being unlabeled.” Honestly I still have a lot of love for calling my sexuality unlabeled. It was, in a sense, a label I used for a long time and found a lot of comfort in. 

September 22nd 2021:  

I am “still unlabeled and very gay.” 

December 2022 Jadey agrees that even now that is a very accurate statement. My preference for men was definitely deteriorating at this time. 

My entries became a lot less frequent as I began to figure out my sexuality. 

The last update was April 12th 2022:

I started identifying as asexual and still have my romantic attraction unlabeled. 

As of now, December 2022, I identify as asexual and queer. I feel incredibly confident in my asexuality, and mostly confident in my romantic attraction. I know who I like and who I don’t like, yet I’ve never found a label that fully fits my feelings. I use queer in a loose term to voice the fluidity and complexity of my romantic attraction. However, going through this journal has really reminded me how I enjoy not labeling my romantic attraction. I think queer sounds cool. I think unlabeled sounds cool. Maybe I’ll use both. Who knows. 

It was quite an adventure to look back on this, and I’m sure I will continue to read through it from time to time if I’m ever in need of some lighthearted entertainment. 

Since this post is going up on Christmas, I thought I should take this opportunity to acknowledge the love and acceptance I receive as a queer person, and to verbalize how incredibly thankful I am that I get to be so visibly out. Unfortunately, this is a difficult time for my community, and my heart goes out to them. I hope you all have a merry Christmas, and if you want to get me a present, you can keep it very small and share my blog with your one hundred closest friends.