Tag: LGBTQIA+

20 Things That Are Just True Gay Culture

In honor of pride month (the best month of the year) I thought it would only be fitting to enlighten my hetero readers and laugh with my queer ones on things that are just honest and true aspects of gay culture.

Here’s a mandatory disclaimer: obviously there’s no one way to look or be or act queer…this list is simply things that a lot of the members of the queer community relate to and find funny/relatable/true for themselves and their friends in the community. If these are relatable to you, yay! And if they’re not, that doesn’t make your identity any less valid.

The following is a list of things that I, a queer, Gen Z, asexual, agree are 100% a part of gay culture:

Tattoos

Specifically left and right hand tattoos as well as any and all tarot card tats.

Trader Joe’s

Trader Joe’s is for every type of gay. The vegans. The vegetarians. And the gays with stomach issues who need dairy free or gluten free products.

Oat Milk

The gays love saving the planet, and oat milk is the most environmentally friendly milk, and is claimed to be the creamiest. (I personally think soy and cashew are the creamiest but that’s another conversation).

Dyed Hair, Piercings, and Unconventional Haircuts

This is just like the tattoo thing, anything that will set your appearance apart from the norm is inherently queer in a gay way and a different/odd/other definition of queer way. Having fashion colored hair, lots of piercings (especially lots of face piercings and nose rings), and haircuts that scream androgyny or shaggy/skater boy/mullet are so queer.

Cuffed Jeans

If you’re queer you cuff your jeans. End of discussion.

High Top Converse

Low rise Converse are for straight people and high top are for the gays. I don’t exactly know why, but probably because high tops are cooler and they cover your exposed ankle after cuffing your jeans.

Walking Fast

Gay people walk fast. It’s in our blood and gives us less time to be hate crimed!

Brunch

Gays either love or passionately hate brunch. I am a gay who loves brunch. If someone was walking fast for no apparent reason I might say “Wow! They’re walking faster than a gay late for brunch!” (I’m dead serious this is in my vocabulary and gays also are always on time if not early).

Being Good at Everything

Now. No one is good at everything (besides me). But gay people have nothing if not the audacity to tell themselves they can do anything. Painting a house? Sure. Building a table? Easy. Running for mayor? I’m gay, aren’t I?

Theatre

Gays love a performance. They love the theater. Drag. Drama. Camp. Glitz and glitter. We love a theme. We love an event.

Plus, are you really queer if you didn’t do theater in high school or love your English teacher?

Being Incredibly Indecisive

Gay people cannot make decisions. Ask a group of gays where you want to go for lunch and you’ll never go anywhere. Plus, think of all the bisexual, pansexual, agender, and non-binary people out there. They don’t even have to choose their gender or who to date! You think a genderfluid pansexual is going to make a choice? Think again.

Grandmother Hobbies

Ask a gay how old they are and they’ll tell you. Ask a gay how old they mentally are and they’ll say 75. Gays love hobbies that your grandmother would do at the retirement home. This includes, but is not limited to; crocheting, knitting, baking, sewing, gardening, and jewelry making.

Having Very Niche Collections

Very niche interests is a queer thing, and a neuro-divergent thing as well, since a lot of members of the LGBTQIA+ community are also nuero-divergent! This could include, but is not limited to collecting crystals, plants, records, stuffed animals, and figurines (of cats, frogs, or dragons).

Thrifting

With the way oat milk is being charged at coffee shops in this economy you better believe the gays are thrifting and saving their money buying second hand clothes. We gotta save money for our $8 oat milk matcha lattes and hair dye. Plus, it’s environmentally friendly and you can find unique pieces or customize things yourself!

Vegetarian or Veganism

This one goes hand in hand with the oat milk saving-the-environment and gays-have-stomach-issues thing. I know a lot of vegetarian and vegan people, and I’m pretty sure all of them are queer.

Layering Clothes

Tank top. T-shirt. Long sleeves. Pants. Belt. Funky socks. Jewelry. Hair clips. It’s a difficult time for the gays in summer when they can’t wear twenty pieces of clothing. Once again it’s for the aesthetic. It’s camp.

Rings and Funky Earrings

This goes hand in hand with the layering clothes because gays love accessories. Want to tell if someone’s gay? Check to see if they have a ton of rings (especially thumb rings) and/or hand tats.

Having Gay Friends

The only unrealistic thing about movies starring LGBTQIA+ people in the 21st century is that they have straight friends. Gay people have gay friends. Somehow you all started out straight in middle school but slowly came out. The gays subconsciously find each other.

Tumblr

Tumblr is for the niche topic gays as well as the emo ones. Additionally, the gays love other websites where one can post memes and other things – to me this has the same energy as Pinterest and fan accounts on Insta.

Eyeliner

If a gay person could only choose one makeup product it would be eyeliner. So many colors. So many shapes. It adds so much to a look and it truly looks good on everyone.

Here’s a list of the ones I relate to:

Tattoos, Trader Joe’s, oat milk, dyed hair, cuffed jeans, high top Converse, beng good at everything (duh), being indecisive, having grandmother hobbies, having niche collections (nail polish), being vegetarian, wearing rings and funky earrings, having gay friends, and loving eyeliner.

I also somewhat relate to walking fats, brunch, theater, thrifting, and layering clothes. However I don’t walk incredibly fast, feel very passionately about brunch (although I enjoy it), I didn’t do theater (but I loved all my English teachers), I only thrift occasionally, and I don’t layer my clothes too heavily.

The only thing on this list that doesn’t apply to me is Tumblr. I was never an emo Tumblr kid back in like 2012 or whenever.

Okay that’s all. I hope you found this educational and so so funny as always. Happy pride month!!! Yay gay!!

The Inherent Queerness of Being a Fangirl

I never thought I’d be a fangirl.

Sure, I liked music. There were celebrities I kept somewhat up to date on and enjoyed hearing about. But, I was never that into it. I know we all went to middle school with that one person who loved Panic! At The Disco or the girl just head over heels in love – obsessed – with a boy band. But, that was something other people did – it was never me. (Side note: fangirls can obviously be of any gender – but for the sake of this post that’s the term I’ll be using).

Then I started listening to Conan Gray.

And, if you know anything about me, you know that I am completely head over heels in love with Conan Gray.

I turned into a fangirl.

I listen to Conan practically everyday. I have posters up in my room. I kid you not I’m wearing his merch as I write this. I have a tattoo in his handwriting of lyrics from my favorite song by him. So yeah, one could say I’m a fan. However, my love for Conan isn’t obsessive in a bad way. I don’t want to marry Conan or date him, and I’m perfectly okay with the fact that I will probably never meet him, and he’ll never know who I am. That’s just kinda how these things work. However, I love Conan for who he is, not for some celebrity facade. Conan is real. He’s funny. He’s honest and relatable. And yes he’s beautiful and talented, but his lyrics tell more truth than any publicity Instagram post ever could. Conan’s words and presence had brought so much joy and happiness into my life, how could I not love him for that? How could I not want the very best for him, and be so proud of him as a person, and of his career?

I had thought about writing this post for a while, and the time came now just as I finished reading I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman. I Was Born For This follows Jimmy, a member of popular boy band The Ark, and Angel, a fangirl of The Ark, and their inevitable meeting and influence on each other’s lives. Let me tell you, this book was so relatable. Angel loved these boys for who they were, the music they made, and the joy they brought her. She simply wanted the best for them. It was so relatable that I had to talk about it and wrote a blog post of my own fangirl-ness.

All of that leads me to the question of Conan – and other celebrities – largely queer fanbase. Yes, my generation is very gay, but there is something so inherently queer about being a fangirl – idolizing someone you’ve never, and probably will never, meet. And why do I, a very queer person, feel such community, such understanding, in my fandom?

Let’s discuss four reasons why being a fangirl is inherently queer:

Representation

The queer community- while growing – is still incredibly underrepresented and members of the LGBTQIA+ community find representation where it is not explicitly given. Think about the Gaylor or Larrie theories – fans who think Taylor Swift is queer and Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were/are dating while in One Direction. Yeah some fans do genuinely believe that, but others simply find representation in their lyrics and lifestyles.

However, there are many more well-known artists who are queer- and do provide crucial representation for their fans. Conan Gray doesn’t label his sexuality. He sings about liking boys and girls and uses gender-neutral pronouns when discussing love interests. I love that about him. I can listen to Conan’s music and relate as as queer person, as an asexual person, and as someone who also doesn’t worry about labeling their romantic orientation.

Conan, without directly saying anything, lets me know that being queer is okay, and I can sing about, or fall in love with anyone no matter their gender.

Being a Fangirl Breaks Heteronormative and Patriarchal Expectation

One might argue that being a fangirl is incredibly straight. Young teenage girls who are obsessed with conventionally attractive boys is a perfect example of typical heteronormativity.

I’m here to argue that is not the case at all. Sure, there are some people who love a celebrity of the opposite sex and truly want to date or marry them. But, for a majority of the world that is not the case. And that assumption, that every girl is in love with a boy, is rooted in heteronormativity. Additionally, fangirls are seen as obsessive, controlling, and crazy. One might even suggest that is similar to the mad women trope – that women who can’t get their male lover to reciprocate feelings are therefore hyper-sexual and mad. And even if we ignore that, fangirls are seen as way less than fans of other people. Men are obsessed with football players and that is perfectly acceptable. But the second a girl starts talking about her favorite artist – the hobby of listening to music – she’s obsessive, and her hobby is seen as less than simply because she’s a female.

Liking a band or an artist rebels against the patriarchy by doing exactly what we are told not to do. When society tells people they shouldn’t be so involved in a fandom or that they should have “real” hobbies, continuing to love and support artists is protest in itself.

Chosen Family

Having a super niche interest about anything can actually be isolating. No one really gets your love or fascination with it, and to be honest, people just don’t care.

Meeting others who have the same love for something – whether it’s Conan Gray or not – brings mutual understanding and brings people together. People understand your excitement, your joy, your sadness, because they feel it too. Finding those who accept you for you, niche interests and all, has very queer undertones due to the idea of found family or chosen family – a group of people who bond based on shared experiences and interests.

Fandoms Are Online

Additionally, fandoms are built through online platforms. People make edits, write fanfiction, run fan accounts, all to share their love of someone or something. This continues to bring people together and share opinions and thoughts one might not have discovered on their own.

When I go on TikTok and see edits of Conan Gray, I like and comment and interact because other people get it. I see people make memes and post about what songs are their favorites, so I get to listen to them with a new lens that this is someone’s favorite song of all time. Someone could point out the percussion in a song I’ve listened to hundreds of times and never thought to pay attention to, and now that song is even better than it was before.

I love Conan Gray. I love seeing other people who love him. I love talking about him and listening to his music and having him be a part of my life makes me me. I turned into a fangirl, and I love it.

Let’s Remember the “A” This Pride Month

Hopefully the following things I am about to say do not sound like a complaint (although they are a little) and instead sound like valid and understandable points. Yay!

We need to remember the “A” this pride month. And honestly, we need to remember all of the letters after the “T.”

Pride month is coming, and with that, corporations are going to participate in what the queer community likes to call rainbow capitalism, which is where companies attempt to capitalize off of pride month by making rainbow and queer-targeted products for the sole purpose of making money. It may seem like they’re being allies and supporting the community, but in reality they are simply doing it out of greed and are doing nothing for the queer community. The rest of the year they aren’t donating money, signing petitions, or hiring queer employees.

A lot of those companies are going to celebrate the LGBT community, or maybe the LGBT+ community. And if we’re oh, so lucky, the LGBTQ+ community will be celebrated.

I totally understand saying LGBT+, because let’s be real, the whole acronym is a mouthful. But simply not including the plus? How hard is it to add a plus, and if we’re honest, the main 8 syllables in LGBTQIA+.

Words are much more impactful than we seem to think. Cutting out letters from the acronym, especially when not considering the plus, cancels out voices and experiences of other minority communities. There is already so much discrimination and individual challenges each sexual orientation or gender identity faces, we simply shouldn’t add to that by ignoring letters, because in this case, letters are people, experiences, and important parts of identity.

I didn’t realize how much it impacted me until last pride month, when my Instagram feed was covered in rainbows, celebrating those who are gay and trans, and I didn’t see myself in any of those posts. I distinctly remember seeing “LGBT” everywhere, and rarely seeing the A. How hard is it to include the other letters? If you’re celebrating the entire community, why not truly celebrate the entire community?

Language matters. Including all of the letters, the flags, having diverse people in interviews, in ads, as models for rainbow merchandise, shows the queer community that we are valid. Ignoring letters and identifying within the community suggest those letters, those real life human beings, are not as important. They’re easily forgotten.

However, it’s not all about me. It would be selfish to say that it is. But this is about a broader community. The “A” is often forgotten. Asexual and aromantic communities are much more likely to be in the closet and be offered conversion therapy, so why are we always forgotten and rarely celebrated? We have a history of finding each other online, yet when it comes to pride month where every social media platform has a rainbow profile picture and flags in every post, asexuals, the online community, is rarely involved.

Additionally, pride parades can be quite a sexualized place. Although it is totally valid and important to celebrate the sexual part of your identity, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences that piece, and being inclusive with language and celebrating different orientations encapsulates every queer identity. And I’m not a parent, but lots of young queer people and little kids attend with their families, so maybe showing off your kinks and fetishes at pride parades while wearing leashes and leather is not the most family friendly choice…

It is obviously important to celebrate the queer community now and moving forward, and it is amazing that being queer is so widely accepted in the United States that companies are making products that target a queer demographic. But, we still have a long way to go. Corporations should be donating money to queer organizations. They should be advocating for the passage of gender-affirming healthcare and a federal ban to conversion therapy. They should be using their platform to spread awareness and support the community.

Now. Simply not saying additional letters does not actually wipe away the intersex or aromantic or pansexual population. Wearing slutty clothing to pride does not offend asexuals. However, when being an ally, or even a member of an oppressed community, language is impactful, especially when actions in the past (and unfortunately the present) have been harmful to queer people. Pride month, and every month, is a time to celebrate differences and let love be love.

Alright. That’s enough from me. Pride month is so soon, and I am so excited to buy rainbow stickers and wave my little flag at a parade.

Sobriety, Weddings, and Violins: Things That Make Me Wonder “Is That an Ace Thing?”

Today I am going to be listing off things, thoughts, actions, interests, any other descriptive word, that makes me wonder “Is that an ace thing?” Sometimes I’ll be going about my day and have a realization, and I will wonder if that is a universal feeling, a me feeling, or just an ace thing. So, if you’re ace, please weigh in. I think some of these things are going to be ace experiences, and others might be funny coincidences. Nevertheless, let’s begin.

Aces Enjoy Being Sober

Now. As an underage college student I obviously have never touched a drop of alcohol in my life. Edibles? I have never heard of such a thing. Marijuana? Couldn’t be me…(cough cough hint hint nudge nudge). So…the following statements are totally and surely hypothetical.

I will start by saying that no matter your age, but especially as a college student, it is incredibly important to use substances responsibly and with people you feel safe with. Thankfully I have a lovely group of friends who support me whether I choose to endeavor into adult substances or choose to remain sober, and most of the time I choose to be, as they say, stone cold sober. Now. I have never had a bad experience under the influence and have always consumed a non-concerning amount of alcohol. However, I rarely do because I just don’t have that much interest in it. Sure, it’s fun to try. It’s a different group activity than what I usually do. But I just don’t see the major appeal. In my mind that groups into the face thing with the no sex bit. Why drink alcohol or have sex when I could eat a cookie and watch a movie?

There has been a study done which I’ll link here (link!) that discusses how ace people are less likely to drink. The culture with drinking is usually surrounded by hookup culture, and that obviously is not the ideal spot for a majority of asexual or aromantic people.

Clothes Don’t Sexualize You

Let’s see if I can explain this correctly. You can wear sexy clothes and be sexy in them if you decide that. If you just think they’re cute, and enjoy wearing them but are sexualized, that’s a societal issue. And there’s an aura, an energy, about those who wear hot or sexy clothes for the purpose of being hot or sexy.

It’s ultimately up to the person to decide if something they’re wearing or doing is sexual. If I put on a tiny top and called it “slutty,” I would say that in a sense that I’m showing a lot of skin and society would probably sexualize me. But, in my ace mind, I’m simply wearing a shirt I look hot in, and by no means am trying to get people to notice me.

Does that make sense? Wear what you want and I don’t care. As long as your clothing doesn’t impact your life or is so revealing that it is actually going to bother others…wear what you want. It doesn’t matter.

I Don’t Want Kids

Plenty of people don’t want kids for a variety of reasons. Plenty of heterosexual, cisgender people don’t want kids. I think my no-kids view has to do with my asexuality, but also with the fact that I just don’t love children. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited to be the cool aunt. I can’t wait until my nieces and nephews (or niblings) visit me in my future cottage and I read them books and teach them cool things and am the coolest, most funny aunt ever. However, I feel no desire to raise them for the next 18+ years. That seems like so much work. Work I wouldn’t enjoy. I would rather raise cats and a pet cow.

Also, it is possible that I would have to be pregnant to have kids. And there is truly not a single brain cell in my mind that can imagine that. I have no desire to be pregnant. To birth a child. If I had kids I would adopt, and I thought that for a while until recently when I realized I don’t want kids at all. From a young age I knew I wanted to adopt if I had children and looking back that must have been a subconscious asexual thing.

Maybe if my future partner really wants kids and I get older I might want them. Never say never as they say. But also…it seems unlikely.

Weddings Are Way Too Big a Deal

Weddings seem like way too much work for what they are. So many people. So many details. So. Much. Money. Not to mention weddings feel super heteronormative and Jesus-y. Not my vibe. (Obviously not all, this is just a general claim).

Now, I’m not saying it’s all bad. Because I want to be proposed to so badly. However, I do not want a gigantic wedding. Instead, I would love a little party with my family and friends where we can listen to music and eat cake and I have an opportunity to wear a dress that isn’t white and have a stunning moss agate wedding ring. My future partner and I can sign the papers ahead of time and do the legal thing. It doesn’t need to be a huge deal. I think there’s an aspect of straight culture that is all “get married and you can stop trying” when in reality I want to get married because it’s romantic and I can have a party to celebrate queer love.

Additionally, I want to keep my last name. I have a memory of being in the fifth grade and thinking how I would keep my last name unless my husband had a really good one that was even better than mine. Obviously I don’t want the husband part but my point still stands. And, I am no way opposed to a hyphenated last name. Imagine I write a gay little book and I get to have my name on it as well as my partner’s last name added right on the end of mine. That’s adorable.

Aces Always Play an Instrument

I have never met an ace person who does not play an instrument. I play the violin, and if I think back to every ace person I know now or knew in high school it is 100% true that they are in some kind of music program. This one must be a coincidence but it is pretty funny that every ace person I know lives in the music department of their school.

Aces Are Hot and in a Relationship

I have never met an ugly ace person. I have never met an uncool ace person. And I also have never met an ace person who hasn’t been in a relationship or is currently in one. Aces pull people. Probably because we’re hot. And if you’re ace and not in a relationship it’s probably because you don’t want to be or you’re simply waiting for your perfect ace partner to come along.

This probably ties back with the previous point that aces are cool and musicians are cool. When I tell you how happy I would be if I had a musician/rocker girlfriend or partner. Hot.

Alright. That’s all. What was this but another blog post scraping my brain for silly ace experiences.

Why boygenius is Changing The Lives of Queer Listeners

In my last blog post I talked about how I wanted to have a post dedicated to boygenius and my deep, deep love for them. This is that post.

If you are unaware, boygenius (yes in lowercase letters) is a band, specifically a supergroup, made up of three queer women named Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and Lucy Dacus. They all had successful solo careers before they teamed up in 2018, forming a close friendship and later a band. They released their EP, boygenius, in 2018 and haven’t released anything else together until now. They got back together when the pandemic started, initiated by Phoebe Bridgers, just weeks after she released her album, Punisher.

Their album, the record, was released March 31st 2023 and contains songs about love, friendship, religion, and heartbreak.

But what’s so great about them that I need to write a whole blog post on it?

First of all, they’re an all queer band. We often see bands made up of boys who are usually straight white men. And, when we do get girl groups, they’re expected to sing about heartbreak and be everything society tells women they should be. boygenius not only breaks the expected girl group trope, but they do it in a queer way, singing about love, friendship, and mental health. Even the name of their band plays with the idea of men having superiority in the music industry. They poke fun at the patriarchy, sing about life, not just boys, and wear suits. Plus, fans call them “the boys” and I think that’s just adorable.

Additionally, many queer listeners can see themselves represented by each member. Phoebe is sarcastic, edgy, and bisexual. Lucy is kind, funny, and queer, and Julien is energetic, passionate, and gay.

Secondly, they’re activists. All three members actively speak out about political issues such as abortion and women and queer rights. In their song “$20,” lyrics further this claim when they sing “Pushing the flowers that come up/Into the front of a shotgun/So many hills to die on.”

Thirdly, they have a beautiful friendship. I am obsessed with watching interviews and clips from concerts with them because they are just so adorable. They smile, laugh, make jokes, hug, and even tackle each other on stage. You can see how pure and real their friendship is, and that provides so much hope and joy.

Fourthly, I am in love with Julien Baker. She is always so happy. She has such golden retriever energy. She has the most genuine, biggest smile I have ever seen. She’s adorable. She is only five feet tall and full of energy. She is so intelligent. She speaks eloquently in interviews and you can tell how passionate she is about being an artist and a role model. Her laugh is contagious. She is covered in tattoos and wears masc outfits that make my gay heart fall head over heels. She has a guitar that says “queer joy” and every time I see it I could truly cry.

I could obviously say the same for each member, but I do have a favorite, so I’m not going to shut up about her.

And lastly, I’m seeing them in concert and I could literally explode. I’m so happy. I truly have no words to describe how excited I am to see them. They are so gay, and I am so gay, and I didn’t even realize how important it was for me to be in that kind of environment with other queer listeners listening to a bunch of queer people sing about being queer. It is so validating. It is so heartwarming. It fills me with so much hope. And it hasn’t even happened yet. I just know how fantastic it is going to be.

Now. I say they’re changing lives, and I can for certain say they changed my life, but probably not in the grand way you’re thinking. They didn’t show up to my house and give me a million dollars or save my puppy from a burning fire. They simply exist. All they do is show the queer community that we can exist and be ourselves and form genuine relationships and be happy. But, we don’t have to be happy all the time, especially when we’re listening to their music.

You already know you’ll be getting an updated blog post once I see them perform in July. Until then!

10 Songs That Aren’t About Romance or Sex

We all know by now that I am nothing if not a hopeless romantic. However, that is not the case for my entire community. Some aces and aros out there don’t enjoy consuming media that is about romance or sex so this blog post is for them (you’re welcome). Plus, it seems difficult to create a good song not about love when that is all we hear about on the radio so props to all these people for doing just that.

Here’s ten great songs not about love or sex:

(Can We Be Friends?) – Conan Gray

I haven’t mentioned the love of my life Conan Lee Gray very recently in a blog post and it’s starting to feel like a crime. Oh Conan. I have nothing bad to say about this man just as I have nothing bad to say about this song. His song is short, sweet, and incredibly intimate. If you need a song for that one special friend (or friends) in your life this is the perfect song for them.

Notable lyric: “Could you be my best friend?/Can we be friends?”

Additionally: “So, if anybody fucks with you/I’ll knock their teeth out (yeah)”

The little “yeah” is followed by a tiny laugh and it really gets me good every time.

Mood Ring – Lorde

I love this song mostly because the whole thing is satire and commentary on trying to connect with oneself through spirituality. The whole song is politically charged and if I’m going to listen to a song I love when it comments on corruption in society.

Notable lyric: “You can burn sage, and I’ll cleanse the crystals/We can get high, but only if the wind blows”

Brutal – Olivia Rodrigo

Maybe I just wanted another opportunity to talk about Conan Gray as he is best friends with Olivia, but this song is a banger and all about teen angst which I’m sure Conan approves of.

Notable lyric: “And I’m not cool and I’m not smart/And I can’t even parallel park”

I am cool, and I am smart, but if Miss Rodrigo has been right about anything it’s the fact that I can’t parallel park.

Eat Your Young – Hozier

Every time I talk about music I talk about Hozier because that man is just that talented. He recently released three songs before he releases his third album later this year and I already know it is going to be a masterpiece. This song is about the famine in Ireland and the things people had to do for money to provide for their families.

Notable lyric: “Skinning the children for a war drum/Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns”

Literally oh my god. Andrew. I-

Satanist – boygenius

When I tell you I am in love with boygenius you better believe it. I somewhat recently started listening to Phoebe Bridgers, who makes up one third of the supergroup boygenius, and decided to listen to their debut record after a five year hiatus from when they released their EP. The other members, Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker, are also extremely talented, and although I don’t listen to their music quite as much, I am head over heels in love with Julien Baker. She has golden retriever energy and is so silly and happy I could just pass away. Additionally, they are an all queer band and I think I have to write a completely separate blog post on how important they are to me, their friendship, and the massive gay crush I have on Julien.

Notable lyric: “Will you be a satanist with me?/Mortgage off your soul to buy your dream”

Additionally: “Will you be an anarchist with me?/Sleep in cars and kill the bourgeoisie”

So edgy so punk so cool.

The Kids Are All Dying – FINNEAS

The first time I listened to this song I knew it was going to be one of my favorites. And it is. It is so good. Truly everything about it. The message. The sound. The music video. The irony.

Notable lyric: “How can you sing about drugs? Politicians are lying”

Additionally: “Bang Bang/Knocking on my door/”Do you have a dollar? Would you like to fund a war?/What’s your carbon footprint and could you be doing more?””

Chinese Satellite – Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is such a unique artist. Sometimes I’ll listen to a song by her or boygenius and think to myself “wow this whole poem is a metaphor” and then I’ll read what it’s about and it will be about the most literal specific situation ever. This song feels like it could be a breakup song upon first listen but it’s actually about Phoebe’s relationship with faith and the fact that she doesn’t believe in god.

Notable lyric: “You were screaming at the Evangelicals/They were screaming right back from what I remember”

Fan Behavior – Isaac Dunbar

The first time I listened to this song was blasting it in the car and my jaw was literally on the floor. I have no words to describe how good this song is. A true hype song. Isaac’s voice is just inexplicably good and this song truly makes me speechless.

Notable lyric: “Hey, I just wanna say “hey” to let you know your blow/And all you did was feed my ego”

Number One Fan – MUNA

I mentioned this song in my blog post titled “How I Became Confident in Myself, My Sexuality, and Being Unlabeled” Where I obviously discussed how I’m hot and sexy and love myself. And at the bottom of that post I said you could just listen to this song because this song is about self love and is a pop banger.

Notable lyric: “”Oh my God like, I’m your number one fan/So iconic, like big, like stan, like/I would give my life just to hold your hand/I’m your number one fan”

no body, no crime – Taylor Swift

It wouldn’t be a music discussion without mentioning the music industry herself, Taylor Alison Swift. This song goes out to all the misogynistic men who think she only writes about boys and heartbreak. A song about the hypothetical murder of her best friend? Creativity and lyricism is unmatched.

Notable lyrics: “Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy”

There we go. Ten songs about anything other than romantic relationships.

How I Knew I Was Asexual!

I decided I needed to write an explicitly ace post because I haven’t done one in a while. This post might be really familiar if you’ve read “How I Knew I Was Asexual and Queer.” However, that blog post also discusses how I realized I was in fact, not straight and liked women, so I decided to make a post on how I knew I was asexual without all the other complicated parts.

The following is a list of things that made me realize I was asexual. Some things seem to be common amongst the ace community, and some seem to just be a me thing. Take these with a grain of salt.

Literally what is sexual attraction?

The biggest thing that made me realize I was asexual was that I had no idea what the heck sexual attraction was. And, as I quickly found out with many Google searches, no one thinks to write about it because you’re just supposed to know. Google would always tell me that it was a feeling to desire sexual contact with someone else. From my understanding (allos correct me here) that is true. However…THAT MAKES NO SENSE. How am I supposed to know if I feel that? Unfortunately there is no guide or chart to tell you if you feel sexual attraction, and I came to the conclusion that I do not want to have sex with people and have never felt a desire to…so I must be ace.

Somewhat relevant note here: I was around 17 when I started questioning this, so if you’re any younger I wouldn’t overthink anything, but obviously if that is a label you feel comfortable with, use it! There is no age limit on when you can label your sexuality and no one knows how you feel more than you do.

I kept coming back to the label asexual.

From my experience, if a label is swimming around in our brain for a long time, it may be the right one for you. For probably at least six months I questioned if I was ace…and everything I kept wondering and feeling was basically confirmation that I was …so I came out. And let me tell you, I was more nervous to come out as ace than I was to say I like girls. There was something so scary about coming out as ace because I was so afraid I would be wrong and put myself into a community where I don’t belong. (This was a fear because the ace community is so misunderstood and even smaller than the amount of people who like the same gender as them). Obviously, I truly belong. And even if I didn’t and no longer identified an ace later, that would be okay. I could just no longer use that label.

Additionally, once I came out as asexual I realized that I found even more comfort in others knowing that about me, and everything about myself that felt different from what others felt was validated.

Sex is gross!

This one’s self explanatory. I don’t want to touch someone else. I don’t want someone to touch me sexually. That would be…say it with me now…gross!

I call myself a sex-averse asexual (meaning I don’t have any desire to have sex or have positive feelings about doing it) but I think if I were to involve myself into a sexual situation I would be sex-repulsed (meaning I literally find it disgusting).

If I had sex it would be way off in the future.

I would always be so shocked when I realized that my high school peers were genuinely sexually active. Not only was I not in a relationship for most of high school, I always thought I would have sex later in life. Now as a college student I can confidently say that I am at that age where people have sex and I want none of it.

If I had sex it would be boring.

If for some reason I had sex I would not be the giver or do anything that isn’t so basic and vanilla. Probably because I don’t want to have sex at all!

I’ve never had a lot of crushes.

I have had five whole crushes in my lifetime. And three of them were boys and I no longer experience attraction to men. My friends seem to have a new crush every week. I have not found anyone on my college campus who I have any desire to date.

Maybe that’s because I’ve convinced myself that my tiny liberal arts college can’t possibly hold the love of my life/future person I’m going to marry. But more realistically I think it’s just an ace thing and I am somewhat realistic with my crushes, so if they’re in a relationship or likely allosexual my brain takes that option off of the table.

I never wanted to do anything sexual with my past crushes.

You’re telling me…people want to have sex with their crushes. They want to perform sexual activities. They want to make out with their crush. They want to kiss them on the lips?!

Absolutely not.

Never in my life has a thought about being sexual with a crush crossed my mind.

All I want to do with my crushes is get to know them and then hold their hand..because that’s cute. And not gross.

Labels with “sex” in them felt off.

When it came to labeling my sexuality as a whole, labels with “sexual” in them (such as bisexual or pansexual) felt wrong because they implied that I was experiencing sexual attraction to multiple genders. Although I have always felt a connection to the label panromantic, (for the implication that I like people and not necessarily parts) it is probably just because it has to do more with my asexuality and my fluid romantic orientation rather than the fact that I am attracted to every gender.

People have sexual fantasies.

People have sexual fantasies that they actually want to do in real life. Not only am I not having sexual fantasies but…well, there is no but.

What the heck is feeling horny?

Literally what does being horny mean. When do you feel horny? How often do you feel horny? Why is it called horny? Am I a car with a horn? (Sorry bad ace joke).

“You’ll start having new feelings as your body begins to change…”

I never understood what people meant when they said you’ll start looking at boys or girls differently when you reach puberty/middle school age. What do you mean I will? Sure I’ll have a little crush but that’s it. Turns out I was just a naive asexual and it turns out that is when people start to feel sexual attraction and start having those thoughts and feelings for the first time.

Also…people had crushes in middle school. (I had a singular crush in my three years of middle school).

People had crushes in elementary school?! I refuse to believe that. And by refuse I mean I just don’t understand and can not comprehend my eight year old self having a crush on little Timmy.

Wow. What am I but a confused ace? Thankfully my time being an out asexual has allowed me to understand some of these a bit better…or simply ignore them.

If you are also a confused ace (or possible ace) I hope this was somewhat helpful and not just a chaotic word vomit of everything that puzzles my little queer brain.

I think I’m going to listen to some Leith Ross now.

I’ve Been Out For A Year!

I’ve been out for a year! (almost)

Exactly one year ago on April 20th 2022 I came out.

*sarcastic applause*

(For the sake of my posting schedule we can just pretend that it is in fact the 20th).

It was 5:17 P.M…

No. I have no idea what time it was. But it was a Wednesday, and I found myself sitting on the couch explaining my sexuality to my parents.

Although I have had this blog for quite some time, I have never shared my coming out story which is often a first area of discussion amongst queer communities. This story is one I feel comfortable sharing with my close friends and other queer individuals I meet throughout my life, however, I have no desire to share it with the whole internet. Maybe one day I will, but today is not that day. My coming out experience was not bad, but it wasn’t amazing. I was accepted with open arms and my family is very supportive. However, it was very emotional, and not something I love thinking about, as there were things I wish would have gone better. You never really understand how actually draining it is to come out until you have to do it, especially for the first time.

Nevertheless, here we are, and I’m really gay.

When I first came out I was still pretty “secretive” about my sexuality. It was hard to say “I’m asexual,” or “I’m queer” out loud. Today it’s practically as easy as saying my own name. I always knew there would be a time when I finally figured out my sexuality and lived out and proud as so many others did, and wow, why don’t you look at that, here we are!

In order to celebrate here are some things I have experienced, learned, and found out about myself as a very gay person.

I love rainbows.
I love gay jokes.
I don’t have to dress gay to find comfort in my sexuality. Although this was something I did at first, my style has evolved to feel like my own, and not a stereotype of what queerness is supposed to look like. Although, I do happen to dress pretty stereotypically queer because it’s what I like and it makes me happy.
I find myself not wanting to read books or watch movies or listen to music that is not queer or queer coded.
I did not realize how badly I needed queer friends and community.
I love discussing my sexuality and the complexity of human feelings.
Everyday my desire to live in a cottage and write poetry and marry a pretty person and own a pet cow grows.
I still contemplate labels for my romantic orientation, but not for long, and I really vibe with not labeling my romantic orientation.
When me or my friends make sex jokes about me it’s really funny.
Allo people confuse me less than they used to.
I am becoming more sex-averse/repulsed as sex becomes a more common topic of discussion on my college campus.

Here I want to make a special thank you to my friends and queer people in my life no matter if we’re best friends or just mild acquaintances through school or social media.

Hi people in my life. Thank you for letting me be myself. Thank you for letting me make gay jokes and wear silly little gay outfits and for liking my posts on Instagram about pride and giving me suggestions for queer media and sending me queer memes and loving me for who I am. I have found so much joy and confidence in myself this past year; it is truly unbelievable. I am the happiest I’ve ever been and continue to find even more joy in my life.

Not me getting emotional writing that last paragraph.

Coming out has truly changed my life and I cannot even begin to fathom how different and unhappy I would be if I wasn’t able to be myself. I am so incredibly grateful to live in a place that is so accepting and be surrounded by queer people and allies who love me for who I am.

Okay. That’s enough cheesy emotional gushy stuff for one day.

Love,

Jadey ❤

Be As Queer As You Want

I have unfortunately come to the realization that there are in fact homophobic people in the world.

The other day I attended my college’s gay club, as one does, where the president shared a story about transphobia in his work place. This incited a lot of fear for him, as he is a trans man, and for his own safety, has not revealed that to any of his colleagues, who were making transphobic comments. Although he played it off a bit as a funny storytime, it was obviously a huge concern and something that saddened and worried everyone in the club.

(As a side note, I am so extremely grateful for this club, it provides me with so much comfort and acceptance. I am so happy whenever we meet, and I didn’t know this was the kind of community I needed until I got to experience it. I appreciate everything the leaders of this club do and the safe space they provide).

On top of that, my campus was holding elections for the school government, and a rumor went around that one of the senators running was racist and homophobic and had made numerous remarks that were labeled as microaggressions. I do not know what kind of homophobic things this person had said, but I had unfortunately heard (through trustworthy sources) that this person had made weird and uncomfortable remarks about race. So, it is unfortunately very likely that this person is homophobic as well. (I will make a note here as well, that this person received very rude and inappropriate messages due to these rumors, which she should not have received, but that does not disregard the comments she made).

I am saying all this as a preface for the following concerns I have recently had.

I worry that I am too explicitly queer. That I make my queerness too obvious. That I make being gay and asexual too much of my personality. That my gay outfits and jewelry and jokes and topics of discussion are too predictable. When I wear a shirt that says “heterosexuality? in this economy?” and then discuss queerness, I worry it is annoying. I cuff my jeans and dye my hair and listen to queer artists. I paint my nails colors of the rainbow and wear ace flag earrings and look queer.

These two events have made me realize that is not the case whatsoever.

I must continue to be as queer as possible. I must continue to be so loud and gay and obnoxious not only out of spite, but for those who cannot. I have to be as gay as possible so I can grow up and be a queer adult. Do you know how many out and proud queer adults I can think of who I genuinely know? None. The amount of queer adults I simply know of in my personal life is less than I could count on one hand. I do not know any trans adults. Think about that. I rarely see adult queer people out in public because they are closeted, they don’t exist, or they aren’t alive.

Additionally, straight people are everywhere. And they are oblivious. A few months ago I had a fellow peer ask me if there were any boys I had my eye on. I was dressed in a way I thought read extremely queer, and was taken aback by this comment, as it was one I hadn’t received in a very long time. (This was probably a genuine question to include me in conversation, which I appreciate, but the directness of assumed heteronormativity threw me for a loop). Moral of the story is; straightness is everywhere. It’s in movies and books and on the street. It’s assumed and it’s the majority. Most straight people don’t even realize the world is so heterosexual unless they are educated on queer topics because heterosexuality is so normalized.

I live in a bubble of privilege. I am a cisgender white woman. I go to a liberal arts school and have friends who are allies and queer themselves. My parents support me for who I am. I have never received any sort of hateful or life-threatening comments from outsiders. I will never experience life as a queer person of color. I will never experience the discrimination my trans friends face.

The following was supposed to be a separate blog post, but I thought it was fitting to include here. I wrote this because I genuinely love being a queer individual, and I must always remind myself that my explicit queerness is important and life-saving.

Here it is:

I love being gay. I love being queer. I love being asexual and not labeling my romantic orientation. I love that I get to marry a pretty person one day and have cat children. I love that I have such a unique life. I love that I get to go to pride parades and gay clubs and wear rainbows. I love that I get to make gay jokes and learn about the community and read gay books and listen to queer music and meet queer friends and post on the internet every week about my silly little gay life. I love wearing gay little outfits and dyeing my hair and cuffing my jeans and wearing rainbow Converse and Doc Martens. I love the comfort and acceptance within my community. I love how caring and accepting my community has made me.

It’s obvious that I am passionate about being queer. I have seen what happens when people are not accepted or have been taught that queerness is wrong and should be fixed.

That causes my community to die.

That needs to end. Now.

You should be as queer as you want, whatever that means to you. If that means you wear rainbow clothes and pronoun pins and dye your hair five different colors, then do that. If that simply isn’t you and you don’t feel the need to be so outwardly queer, or it would compromise your safety, don’t.

Your queerness is beautiful and special and it should be celebrated. No one should take that away from you.

Alright. Go off and be cool gay people (or allies).

Songs About Sex That This Asexual Loves

As the owner of a gay blog and a music enthusiast I thought it was time for another blog post about music – this time with some irony. Today I am going to be sharing ten songs about sex that I, an asexual, love.

Now. It isn’t really that ironic that asexuals listen to songs about sex. There are so many songs out there, and a lot of mainstream songs are about love or sex. I am an asexual that loves pop songs, and as a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, there is nothing I love more than a good love song.

However, there are some asexuals or aromantics who prefer not to listen to music about romance or sex. They find it annoying, or gross, or honestly, pop-ey love songs are just not their preferred genre. Occasionally there will be songs about sex that I do not like, but I am unsure if that is because I’m ace or because the song is just bad. Usually the problem with songs is that the word choice is incredibly explicit. There are certain words that portray a pretty graphic sexual image and I find that (shockingly) gross. It just so happens that a lot of the songs I listen to happen to be about romance instead of sex. Then again, there are definitely as few that are as sexual as it gets.

Here are some songs about sex that this asexual loves:

Gummy – Isaac Dunbar

Isaac Dunbar is the king of indie alternative pop songs. If you’re looking for a song with witty lyrics, intense beat drops, and catchy harmonies, this is the guy for you. And, in my very correct opinion, he is extremely underrated. His most recent album, Banish The Banshee, has quickly moved up my list of favorite records. His song “Gummy,” the second track on this album, is very explicitly about sex, and it is so good.

In “Gummy” Isaac sings about an experience he had while under the influence of a certain special type of candy, and shouts about all of the things he is going to talk about, whether society approves or not.

Notable lyrics: “I’m talking ’bout sex” (obviously)

Additionally: “She likes my afro and my cheeky foreplay/We slow dance/She confessed, ‘Isaac, I thought you were gay’”

Dress – Taylor Swift

We all know Miss Taylor Alison Swift is the queen of pop music in every single genre. Indie, country, and electro pop, this gal can do it all. The following song is a fan favorite for its lyrics, relatable desire, and queerness (which you can read about here). I will admit, it is rare for Taylor to sing songs about sex as she has held up a good girl image for so long, but this song, off of her 2017 album Reputation, lets us know that Taylor is in fact, done protecting her reputation, and is going to write about whatever she wants.

Swift writes about a lover she is friends with, but wants oh so much more.

Notable lyrics: “Only bought this dress so you could take it off”

Additionally: let us be aware of the sensual gasps and beat drops throughout this piece.

Casual – Chappell Roan

I have a feeling Miss Roan is going to blow up once her album releases and she will be a household name. Chappell creates beautiful narrative pop ballads that will have you obsessed the first second you hear them. My friends and I can’t get enough of her, and are completely devastated. Her most recent concert was 21+ and we couldn’t attend. Chappell, if you’re reading this, please, please let us 19 year olds into your next concert. I’m begging.

Chappell sings about a relationship with a guy who is not taking it seriously, and the oh so complicated roller coaster of emotions that comes with it, one obviously being their desire for each other.

Notable lyrics: “Knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out”

Additionally: “I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner”

Need I say more?

Pussy is God – King Princess

King Princess is the crazy gay best friend you never had. Their vocals and lyricism never miss, and she creates songs that are slow and emotional, or sensual and powerful.

I don’t think I have to tell you what this song is about…

Notable lyrics: “Your pussy is God and I love it/Gonna kiss me real hard, make me wanna it/You know that it’s God, baby, when you’re around her/I’ve been praying for hours”

Mikaela…

Did you come? – girl in red

girl in red is an icon in the queer music scene. Her ability to produce banger after banger is unbelievable. Her lyrics, unique sound, and voice allow her to tell beautiful stories of queerness, and in this case, the anger after a devastating heartbreak.

In this song, which I would argue is one of her best songs of all time, Marie sings about a breakup where her significant other brutally cheats on her, and the obvious anger that comes with it.

Notable lyrics: “Was she good? Just what you liked?/Did you cum? How many times?/Did you do the things you know I like?/Roll your tongue, make her cum twenty times?”

Becky’s So Hot – FLETCHER

If you’ve got that one ex you can’t seem to get over, Fletcher is the gal for you.

Fletcher wrote this song about her ex-girlfriend’s new girlfriend, who yes, is named Becky in real life. And yes, we all know who her ex-girlfriend is, and all the drama that came with this song. It’s known on TikTok as the “Fletcher effect,’ and after this song was written, many well known internet lesbian couples broke up and caused a ton of drama on the app.

Notable lyrics: “Someone saw you out on Friday, saw you walking sideways/Guess you’re gettin’ fucked real good now”

Additionally: “’Cause Becky’s so hot in your vintage t-shirt/Ooh, she the one I should hate/But I wanna know how she taste”

How she taste?! Gay.

Bloom – Troye Sivan

Troye Sivan is truly the blueprint for what every queer indie artist desires to be. Catchy lyrics, narrative storytelling, and a true online presence, this man has a song for every gay experience ever.

One could argue this is about a lovely hike with some beautiful scenery, but we all know that is not what Troye was trying to sing about. If I really wanted to be a lit nerd and analyze this song, one could even suggest the location he’s in is the Garden of Eden, and woah, wouldn’t that be some religious symbolism and conflict between queerness and Christianity.

Notable lyrics: “It’s true, baby/I’ve been saving this for you, baby/Take a trip into my garden/I’ve got so much to show ya/The fountains and the waters/Are begging just to know ya”

Moment’s Silence – Hozier

No one, and I mean no one, does lyrics like Hozier does. I’m convinced Andrew Hozier-Byrne is a romantic poet of the 21st century. If you need a song about religion, Greek gods, and the beauty of women, this is your guy. I have no word to express the beauty in his voice and lyricism. Hozier is honestly the best lyricist I have ever heard. The things this man sings. I wish I could possess a single ounce of literary talent this man has.

All you need to do is read the lyrics to know what this song is most definitely about…

Notable lyrics: “A moment’s silence when my baby puts the mouth on me”

Boyfriend – Dove Cameron

Dove Cameron is mostly well known for her multiple roles on Disney, but her music career has exploded due to her iconic queer pop songs I, and many others, can’t seem to get enough of.

Dove wrote “Boyfriend” about an experience she had meeting another woman, where the night ended back at her place. This song is full of role reversal and feminism, and I am here for it.

Notable lyrics: “I could do the shit that he never did/Up all night, I won’t quit”

Nonsense – Sabrina Carpenter

This is one of the best pop songs of 2022. The rhyming. The lyricism.

Another song I don’t need to explain the context of:

Notable lyrics: “I’m talkin’ hope nobody knocks/I’m talkin’ opposite of soft/I’m talkin’ wild, wild thoughts”

Additionally: “How quickly can you take your clothes off pop quiz?”