Tag: LGBT

Sex Education’s New Asexual Character Isn’t What Asexual Viewers Wanted

This post contains discussion of the fourth season of Sex Education and spoilers are included. Read at your own risk!

Sarah “O” Owens is Sex Education’s new and explicitly asexual character. She’s edgy, a woman of color, and a sex therapist. She’s breaking stereotypes of what it means for someone to be asexual. Heck, asexual activist Yasmin Benoit worked with the show to create the script to create O. This was an opportunity for asexuality to be portrayed positively in an extremely popular television show.

I was so excited. I knew if Yasmin, a creator I’ve been following for well over a year, created this character, she was going to be awesome.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I dislike this character immensely. She’s mean. She’s cold. She’s a bully.

All and all, she is unlikeable.

Now, from my understanding this wasn’t supposed to be the case. Yasmin took to Instagram a few days after the new season was aired stating that “some important moments were cut out or changed” from the original script, making O out to be a less likable character. According to the comments on that post by other aces, they find this is upsetting, but not surprising.

Important aspects of the character, including intersectionality of race, privilege, and acephobia were cut from the show. Yasmin states that “There was meant to be a scene of O receiving acephobic bullying in camp & deflecting by shifting focus to Ruby.” Unfortunately these lines were removed, and O was made out to be a bully, making fun of her friends to seemingly fit in with the other popular girls at camp when the girls were younger.

Yasmin even goes to say that “portraying an asexual character as inherently “cold” was dangerous.” I agree. We all know there are many asexual stereotypes out there, and portraying an explicit ace character as someone rude and selfish continues to push the narrative that asexual people are emotionless, robotic, and broken.

Understandably, “O was not meant to be a villain. She was a WOC being pushed out of a space she had found success in by a white guy who thought he deserved to be there more than her.” O does come across unlikeable, but that isn’t too shocking for the show. Many of the characters make frustrating decisions and at times are unlikeable, however, O seemed to have no likable qualities until later in the show.

Supposedly, O was “meant to be the target of a petty smear campaign that led her to being outed.” Some scenes from the episode where O was outed must have been changed, because as a viewer, and most importantly as an ace person, it did not seem crucial for O to come out in front of the entire school. I watched this episode, cringing at the debate knowing that O was going to come out, but praying that it wouldn’t happen. It was too predictable. The idea made me uncomfortable. Obviously it still happened.

There’s a scene where Otis and O are stuck in an elevator, or lift, as the British say, and they’re forced to talk to each other even though they’re rivals, campaigning to win the spot to have the only on-campus sex clinic. Why can’t there be two clinics…I guess that wouldn’t make for a good plot.

During this scene, O reveals how she just wanted to fit in with the other kids, and deeply regrets what she did to Ruby. She began learning about sex to seem educated around her peers, which became a passion for her and she ended up starting her clinic. Sadly, she asks “Who wants to have sex advice from someone who doesn’t have sex?”

Obviously, I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. I’m glad they portrayed the isolation that many aces feel, including myself. It is really strange to have everyone around you feel the same way, and you be the only one who doesn’t understand.

During this conversation Otis asks her if she said she was ace just to make him look bad, suggesting she is lying about her sexuality. I had a visceral reaction to this comment, cringing at how ignorant and aphobic it was. This was obviously meant to highlight aphobia and teach Otis, as well as the viewers how many ace people feel isolated, and aphobic comments do a lot of harm.

Finally, O seemed to come around after a more touching scene. She became friendlier with everyone, including Otis, who let O have her clinic on campus after seeing how much it meant to her.

I’m obviously upset that this character who was explicitly ace was very unlikeable. I really wanted a relatable ace character, and I feel as though I did not relieve that. O is breaking a lot of stereotypes for what it means to be asexual, and I so appreciate that, however I wish she did what the community expected of her.

This just goes to show that asexual representation is needed even more, and the media needs to put in more work to represent our community.

Hyper-Femininity, the Male Gaze, and Androgyny – How I Express my Sexuality Through Clothing

As I’ve talked about many times before, it’s difficult for me to articulate my gender in a way I feel makes sense. That’s because I feel a connection between my sexuality as as queer ace person and how I present myself as a person. Simply put, I express my sexuality through my clothing, so even though I’m a cisgender female, I also just simply feel like a queer asexual person as a whole. My asexuality allows me to see the world differently, so I don’t see people as being sexually attractive, and therefore don’t see myself as a sexual being. I’m simply just a gal living life who is queer.

Additionally, I know how my presentation is being read out in the world by the masses. I look very, very feminine a lot of the time. A lot of the time what feels feminine to me, what feels androgynous or masculine on my body, is not necessarily perceived from others the way it is perceived by me, the person picking out, wearing, and enjoying my clothes.

I would put my style into two categories: the first being a woodland fairy, and the second being a slightly emo middle school boy. The former is where I wear lots of earth tones, long skirts, little lacy tank tops, and of course extravagant matching eye shadow. The ladder is where I throw on jorts and a band t-shirt, probably with some eyeliner or a darker makeup look.

Some days I want to dress in a more masculine or androgynous way, and I’ve know I’ve won when my sister (in a joking way of course) says I “look like a they/them today.” Although that might not be the most politically correct way for her to say that, what she’s really saying is that I look queer and androgynous, so I take it as a compliment.

I love both of these looks equally, and recently have been really into doing my makeup. All through high school I did my makeup every single morning, but when I got to college, I didn’t bother. Why wear makeup when I could sleep in and hit ten hours of sleep? My second semester I did my makeup occasionally, and now, back at school for my sophomore year, I do it everyday.

I wear makeup because it’s fun. Just like painting my nails, which I religiously do, I use it to express myself, my creativity, and my queerness. I do understand that this makes me present as a very feminine person. I have long hair with streaks of orange, I wear full face of makeup, and my nails are long and always painted, obviously with rings stacked on my fingers.

Side note, I’ve never worn makeup because I felt like I had to, or because I wouldn’t be pretty without it. I wear makeup because yes, it’s a confidence booster, but it makes me feel good and I love the process of applying it, so I wear it for myself as cliche as that is. Just like my clothing, it’s a way for me to express myself no matter what other people think. But, I will say, I think people are impressed by my makeup, and when I do more extravagant looks with glitter and color, I do receive compliments. So it’s nice to know other people appreciate my artistry and self expression even if green eye shadow isn’t the most conventional look.

However, doing all of these things doesn’t make me feel more feminine as one might think. It doesn’t make me feel more like a girl. It simply makes me feel like me.

Long story short, I say all this to illustrate the point that just because I dress feminine a lot of the time, doesn’t necessarily mean I identify a lot with femininity. Although I do, a large part of my disconnect is due to my queerness and asexuality. I do not fit in the cisgender heterosexual idea of femininity because I am not those things. In the world of young female adults, I fit into some areas 100%, while others I am extremely disconnected from.

Also recently I’ve been incredibly annoyed with being referred to as certain feminine identifiers. For example, at my last job, my boss would say “Bye girls!” and the emphasis on girls felt really condescending. Or if a waiter says “What can I get you ladies?” First of all, you’re assuming the parties genders, and yeah, call me a snowflake, but my rule of thumb is, if someone looks queer, don’t assume their gender. And that’s probably just a personal annoyance, but oh well. Secondly, there’s a stupid patriarchal connotation with feminine words being less than, and even though I for one know women are not less than men, it feels…icky.

Recently I’ve been super interested in the idea of hyper-femininity. The other day, when I was doing research (kidding I was scrolling on TikTok) I heard someone say how cool it was that hyper-femininity is queer.

This blew my mind! I absolutely love that because dressing in a hyper femme way (one might call this a bimbo and, for example, where sexual clothing, pink, lots of glitter and heavy makeup) rejects the patriarchy because women, or people, are self aware of their femininity and they take control over it. Their clothing becomes politically conscious and they are empowered through sexuality and autonomy. (One would argue that this also submits to the patriarchy due to people dressing in a sexualized feminine way, which is what men want but I chose to ignore that claim).

In a way, this rejects the male gaze because men don’t typically go for the girl wearing bright pink eye shadow and matching earrings. And as a queer person, that’s pretty awesome.

When I first came out my style changed a bit, and became a bit more androgynous. I wanted to dress and look like other queer people did, so I dyed my hair, I wore flannels, and I bought rainbow shoes. I did things that read obviously queer. I wore love is love shirts. Now, I did this for myself. I have never, and will never, dress in a way that doesn’t make me feel like me, or dress in a way that pleases other people. I dressed stereotypically queer to make myself feel confident in my sexuality, and there is nothing wrong with that. I didn’t want to feel straight, and certain styles made me feel that way.

Now I am the most confident in my sexuality I have ever been, and my style makes me feel as queer as ever. I can never imagine not having dyed hair, or not wearing funky earrings and doing my makeup with bright, bold colors.

People have been assuming my sexuality my whole life, and there are certain ways people dress where people don’t assume your sexuality. Tomboys must be lesbians, and feminine boys must be gay. What about me? What about queer aces? Now I dress in a way that reads as queer, simply because I am queer. My clothes are queer because I am a queer person. My clothes are queer because they are on a queer body. My music taste and activities I do are queer because I am a queer person. I see the world through a queer lens because that is who I am.

Also, it’s finally come to my attention that I don’t dress for the male gaze. That might seem like a ridiculous statement after all of the things I’ve said, but men are weird and I don’t really understand them, so I often wondered why I’ve never been hit on by a man, or received any sort of male attention (not that I want it by any means, I was simply curious). Turns out, it’s because my appearance isn’t what men want. As I write this, I’m wearing more blush than Trixie Mattel, and my eye shadow is purple and green, and my hair has recently been dyed bright orange. That’s not what most men find conventionally attractive. Of course there is always an exception, and some certainly do, but the majority seem to want the long blonde hair, basic Lululemon wearing teenage girls that surround me at university. There’s nothing wrong with that style obviously, it’s just not me, and it is what straight cisgender men typically want. These girls wear natural makeup, if any, they have natural hair colors, and they wear leggings and crop tops. If I’m going to wear makeup, you’re going to notice. And if I’m in a boring outfit, it’s because I’m at the gym or in my pajamas going to bed.

However, thanks to the patriarchy, I am also a subject for male fantasy. I’m queer. I’m asexual. I’m unattainable. I’m a challenge. Some men would want to win the sex-rejecting sapphic. Thankfully I don’t know any men like that, and I try not to think about it because that is truly disgusting.

This was the second time I’ve written this blog post, so for my sanity, I hope it makes sense. All in all, there’s a direct correlation between my sexuality and my gender expression. That’s all I’ve got for this week, so until them, stay gay or *insert a better outro than that.*

I Tried out “Asexual Friendly” Dating Apps

For the sake of science I decided to try online dating…again.

We all know I had quite the time on Tinder (if you didn’t know that you can read about it here) and since then I have not had any romantic encounters or ventured onto any other dating apps. However, the other day my dear friend, Rana, who was a part of the Tinder Experiment asked me if there was an asexual dating app.

An ace dating app?! That was something I had never even thought of, so I quickly went onto the World Wide Web to check it out.

And to my disappointment, there was not one.

However, upon further research (aka skimming Reddit) I was informed about two dating apps that were portrayed as “asexual friendly” so I decided to do what any curious ace does, and download them. The apps recommended were HER and Taimi, but the first app that popped up when I researched Taimi was Zoe, and Taimi had poor reviews, so I downloaded Zoe as well as HER. There was another dating app I got ads for a lot on Tiktok, but I couldn’t remember the name, so these were the only two I looked at.

I first downloaded HER and did all the things. I made my little profile, put my name and pronouns, and uploaded a few pictures. I gave the basic information: I’m asexual and queer, 19, an Aquarius, I don’t drink or smoke, etc etc. My bio said “probs crocheting and listening to conan gray :).” Very creative? No. Very accurate? I’d have to say yes.

After that I began my swiping. Now, the following I’m going to say might be kinda rude. But I’m being honest about my experience, so here goes.

Everyone was ugly. Half of the pictures I swiped on looked like they had been taken on a toaster, and the other half seemed to be people trying to look hot or cool by including pictures of their boobs or them smoking. And sure…that’s what some people like, but that’s not my cup of tea.

Additionally, a lot of the people were overweight, and as someone who prioritizes their health and is at the gym five days a week, that was quite a turn off.

Because of all of that, I ended up swiping left on everyone. I know I have a somewhat specific type, but geez, how hard is it to upload a picture of your entire face, not just half?! It must have been an off day in the world of online dating because it wasn’t the cream of the crop as they say.

Listen, I’m clearly not an online dating pro…or even really an enthusiast, but come on. Like, at least choose a good picture for your profile?! And don’t even get me started on the people who just posted memes or pictures of their cat.

HER was basically the same experience as Tinder. I didn’t find people very attractive, no one was my type, and I permanently deleted my account.

I didn’t have much hope for the next app, but I did decide I wanted to try and keep it a bit longer than the first one because I downloaded HER for approximately ten minutes. I know I know, not a very good experiment, but what can I say, I’m an English major, not a STEM girly.

Zoe was a bit easier to navigate than HER, although I did have to add all the info about myself manually, the app didn’t direct me to it, plus the selections I could make for my interests were pretty limited. There wasn’t even a single option for crafts, crocheting, or CrossFit!

Also I couldn’t figure out how to get the distance out of kilometers so I actually had no idea how far away anyone was. I ended up swiping left on every single one of the people within a fifty kilometer radius of me, so I had to expand it to one hundred…which put my potential suitors out of state.

Much to my surprise, I actually saw one person who I thought was somewhat attractive so I swiped right. And a bit later a second because, for science, I should probably swipe on more people. Unfortunately they didn’t match with me, so after about thirty minutes I deleted the app.

So, are these “asexual friendly” dating apps actually good for ace people?

For what I was looking for, no.

There wasn’t an option to seek out other aces or just people looking for a nonsexual relationship which is what I would prefer. Having a specific section for romantic relationships would also eliminate a lot of the people looking for friends with benefits, a third, an experiment, or the people who put a whole lot of boob in their photos.

Is it possible to meet someone on these apps? Well yeah, of course. I personally don’t see myself turning to dating apps for a couple reasons. One, at the moment I’m perfectly happy being single. Maybe if I was a bit older, instead of a literal teenager I would put a bit more effort into finding a significant other. But let’s be real, what’s the chance I meet the love of my life at nineteen? Unless I’m actually in the year 1950 or unbeknownst to me, attending BYU, I’m gonna say pretty darn unlikely.

Secondly, I would prefer to meet someone in person. However, that doesn’t mean in the future I won’t try online dating, and heck, maybe my blog post in a couple months will be how I’m in the happiest relationship ever thanks to online dating. You never know what the universe has in store.

Now, it would be interesting if I met someone I actually liked on these apps, and instead had a story about how I’m talking to someone and excited about it, but alas, that is not my current situation. And honestly, I didn’t expect it to be. I downloaded the apps to see if I could easily meet other ace people, with a pretty sure hunch I wouldn’t. And I was right.

What did we learn from this experiment?

Someone needs to make a dating app for asexuals, or at least a dating app where one can filter the exact type of relationship they’re looking for.

I also learned that a lot of people on dating apps are high key uggo and don’t know how to post good pictures of themselves.

Also, a lot of people are overweight and smoke and drink.

I am never one to lower my standards, and honestly, anytime I hear someone say to anyone that their standards are too high or they should, god forbid, settle, my standards go up out of spite.

Alright. That’s all the info I got. Maybe my next blog post will be about a great new ace dating app I found, but until then, I’ll be staying away from online dates.

Your Burning Questions – Answering Very Specific and Personal Questions About My Asexuality

It’s been a while since my last blog post so here I am, today with a very specific and detailed account of my asexuality. It has come to my attention that even my very closest friends still don’t exactly understand my asexuality, so today I will be answering questions they have asked me and other questions other asexuals seem to receive quite frequently.

Now, here are two disclaimers before we begin. The first is my usual one. I am but one little asexual in the world of thousands, if not millions of us. This is just the experience of one asexual, and I do not speak for the whole community. My answers might resonate with other aces, but alas, they will not be the same for every ace person out there.

The other is that these questions are ones I have been asked by people who care about me and are trying to learn about my experience, or questions I came up with that I thought people might have. That’s to say these probably aren’t very appropriate questions to ask every ace person you meet, just like you wouldn’t ask a straight allosexual person about their sex life five minutes after meeting them. However, we all know that I share practically everything about my asexuality on the internet, so basically no questions are off limits for me.

In case you’ve forgotten or you’re new to my blog, I am asexual and queer. I technically don’t label my romantic orientation but I use terms such as gay and queer loosely to describe my romantic attraction to women and gender nonconforming people. I have liked boys in the past, but I don’t typically experience romantic attraction to them.

One piece of information that might be helpful to know before you read these questions is the split attraction model; a model that recognizes that romantic and sexual orientation are not the same for some people.

The main types of attraction I’ll be talking about is my lack of sexual attraction, my obvious romantic attraction, as well as platonic and aesthetic.

Nevertheless, here are some very specific answers to your burning questions about asexuality:

What do you want in a relationship?

I want a romantic relationship. I know everyone says this, but I want my partner to be my best friend, probably a little seriously more than your average person. I say this because of the comfort level with my friends. We insult each other, give each other brutally honest advice, make unhinged jokes, be comfortable in silence, and just enjoy their presence. I want my entire future romantic relationship to feel like that, without the strange pressure of trying to impress a significant other. However, I think some of the pressure is automatically removed from my relationships due to my lack of sexual attraction.

I want to be with someone who feels like a best friend with added romantic elements such as hand holding, cuddling, living together, and raising pet children. Yes, you could do that platonically, but I feel a desire to do that with someone who I love romantically. I am also not physically affectionate to my friends in any way, so I would reserve physical touch to be a way to express my love for a significant other. Hopefully that answers another common question of “How is your relationship different from a friendship?”

Do you want to have sex?

No.

Why not?

I simply do not have the capability to feel that way towards someone. Just like how people are gay, they just simply don’t feel the same way about the opposite gender. I just wasn’t made that way.

Here’s a metaphor for you: allosexual people are hungry. Asexual people are full of food. I’m never hungry. I don’t crave even one more bite to eat. Sure, I could try some food. If I really wanted to, I could physically eat. But my body and brain aren’t telling me to eat, so I’m not going to because eating more would make me feel way too full and uncomfortable. That’s how I feel about sex. Why do it if I don’t have a desire to?

Will you ever have sex?

No. I feel as time goes on and I understand my asexuality more, sex becomes something I want to do less. I’m gonna be a virgin for life, and I’m chill with that.

What if your partner is not asexual?

If I happen to date someone who is not asexual, they would have to be okay with having a completely nonsexual relationship. And if they wanted a sexual relationship then I would be open to the idea of an open relationship so my hypothetical future partner could sleep with however they wanted because they weren’t gettin’ any from me.

Would you feel guilty that you can’t satisfy your partner?

I’ve thought about this a lot, and a lot plays into my answer. First, we’re going to assume that I have met the perfect person. The one. The love of my life. The person I am going to marry. My one true love! And in this scenario, let’s pretend they are allosexual. They want to have sex. They enjoy sex. However, they are perfectly content with having a nonsexual relationship even though they do experience sexual attraction. Let’s even say that this relationship is monogamous, and my hypothetical partner doesn’t feel the need to sleep with other people. Long story short, this person is perfect for me.

Yes. I think I would feel some type of guilt. Only because I know how important sex is to people, although it is not the most important thing, I don’t think many people would disagree that it is a big part of their relationship. Knowing that, and knowing if my partner was not with me they would be doing that, I would feel some sort of sadness that that is something I cannot give to them. Heck, at times I want to be able to do that, it seems fun and romantic and intimate. But, I just don’t feel that type of attraction, and being in a sexual relationship would be very uncomfortable, and it’s just out of the picture. I love that person and I want them to be happy, so I would feel like I was taking away a part of their satisfaction within the relationship. However, this is all made up since I have never dated an allosexual person, and I know those feelings would fade with communication and trust of my partner.

Do you want to kiss people?

I personally do not want to kiss people on the lips. For me that falls under the sexual attraction part, although that is not the case for everybody. I would be comfortable kissing someone on the cheek or forehead, or even the shoulder or hand. To me that feels much more casual and romantic.

Do you feel arousal?

Alas, I am but a biological human being, so I, as well as many ace people, do feel arousal. However, from my understanding, allosexual people feel that arousal is directed at something (another human), while asexual people feel arousal directed at well…nothing. If someone is attractive I wouldn’t feel aroused towards them, but if I saw a steamy scene in a movie or read a smutty book it might make me feel some type of way. However, sometimes I feel the other type of way…which would be uncomfortable and grossed out depending on what I was seeing and/or reading.

If you could, would you not be asexual?

No. My asexuality is a part of me, and it’s a part of me that I love. I truly enjoy being asexual and I wouldn’t change that. If for some reason my asexuality could be “cured,” I wouldn’t feel any desire to fix it.

How would you have kids?

I don’t want kids. And if I had kids I would adopt. There is no way I’m getting pregnant by dating women and not having sex, so there is literally no way a baby could end up in my uterus, plus being pregnant is something I have never imagined for myself and is something I truly cannot fathom. Plus, I don’t want to go through the long and expensive process of IVF, so kids are a no from me.

What if your partner is really hot?

Just because I’m asexual doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes. If I came home and my partner was in, for example, wearing lingerie, aka looking super hot, I would simply admire their beauty and tell them how hot they look. I wouldn’t want them to take their clothes off. I would probably give them a hug and gay panic a little that I got so lucky and am dating the most beautiful person to ever exist. The aesthetic attraction I feel for them would be at an all time high.

To be honest before I started writing this I did not think I would have this many questions, so I hope you’re feeling informed. And if you have any other questions I’ll be happy to answer them in the comment section.

I’ll see you next week for another deep dive into my silly gay life.

The Underlying (but obvious) Queerness in Ever After High

If you don’t know…I am addicted to crocheting. I learned how to crochet over winter break in December, and have made many, many projects since then. Now it’s summer break and I have all the time in the world to crochet (besides going to work obviously, I have to make money for yarn somehow). I love crocheting and making clothes and buying yarn and spending hours watching tutorials and creating never-ending lists of projects I want to make.

However, something I think many crocheters could agree with is that background noise is necessary, and sometimes music doesn’t quite cut it. This obviously means I need a television show to watch; specifically one that is easy to follow since I’ll be staring at a ball of yarn 80% of the time.

I’ve watched YouTube, movies, listened to music, and crocheted in silence. But, a gal can only rewatch Heartstopper so many times before she needs a new show. Thankfully for me, I have stumbled upon a category that I love, and, as you probably guess by the title of this post, that category is children’s cartoons.

My love of cartoons blossomed with the show The Loud House, and grew immensely when I watched The Owl House (I clearly like shows about houses). Both of those shows have explicit queer representation, and are newer shows, so for this blog post, I won’t be talking about them, but just know they’re great and The Loud House has an awesome spin off show about a multi-generational Mexican-American family called The Casagrandes.

I usually spend an unreasonable amount of time scrolling on Netflix searching for something to watch, and just the other week I stumbled upon a television show based on a book series I read in the fifth grade: Ever After High. I remembered loving the books and even collecting the dolls, so I obviously had to dive right into the show to see if it was as good as I remember. Obviously it was, because it was so, so queer. Now, this show is actually “straight” because there is no obvious explicit queer representation, but listen, I have eyes, and the queer-coded-ness of this show is clear.

Today I’ll be talking about the seemingly obvious queerness in television that is made for children through Ever After High. I’ve also been watching Gravity Falls (which is SO good), but I haven’t finished the series yet, so I’ll save that analysis for another day.

In case you’ve never heard of the show here’s a quick summary:

Ever After High is a boarding school in the fairytale world that hosts the sons and daughters of fairytale characters as they lead up to Legacy Day, where they sign the Storybook of Legends to pledge to follow in their parents footsteps. However, Raven Queen, the daughter of the Evil Queen, refuses to follow in her mother’s footsteps, causing conflict among characters and forcing differences between the Royals and Rebels, those who are following their destiny, and those who aren’t.

Here are all of the reasons Ever After High is queer:

Stereotypically Queer Hair and Outfits

Blah blah blah we know there is no way that your clothes or your appearance makes you queer, but, there are definitely some trends in the appearance of queer people; alternative styles, androgyny, dyed hair, and over the top – or camp – outfits. Those things don’t make you queer, but they are common in the queer community and in Ever After High.

Going along with these stereotypes, all we have to do is simply look over at our Ever After High characters for 0.2 seconds and you can see how obviously queer they look. They have bright colorful hair, camp outfits, and they love a theme. Their outfits are arguably different from past Disney fairytales, and in my opinion, take a lot of inspiration from drag culture. All of the girls have intense eye makeup, big colorful hair, and beautifully detailed and elaborate dresses.

The appearance of the characters in this show look queer, and their names are spin offs of their fairytale parents, once again, something found in drag culture!

LGBTQIA+ Flag Coding

Throughout the show it is super easy to see the color patterns of many LGBTQIA+ flags. This is seen mainly through the outfits the characters wear in their signature colors.

Raven Queen wears a lot of purple and black, with hints of white and gray, obvious colors of the asexual flag.

Darling Charming wears light pink, blue and white, colors of the trans flag.

Apple White wears red, pink and white, sunset colors that match the lesbian flag.

Characters Go Against the Status Quo

Even if we ignore the queerness of the character’s appearance, their actions are inherently queer due to many of the characters going against the status quo. It is expected that the students follow their parents’ destinies by signing the Storybook of Legends and continue to keep tradition alive. However, our main character, Raven Queen, doesn’t want to grow up to be like her mother. She wants to create her own future and choose her own destiny, to be herself without others telling her how to live just because it is seemingly “tradition.”

And They Were Roommates!

Apple White (the daughter of Snow White) and Raven Queen start out as enemies, due to Raven going against the status quo and Apple needing Raven to play her part in order for her story to go according to plan. Apple convinces the headmaster to have her switch roommates and live with Raven to try to get her back on the straight and narrow path. However, they begin to see each other’s sides and are roommates during this entire time. They become friends, and there is some serious lesbian tension going on between them. It’s giving enemies to friends to lovers.

“Patriarchal” Expectations

Although there is no actual patriarchy in this fairytale land, there is definitely a larger force holding up expectations that the younger generation of fairytale characters to follow.

Apple grew up with a classic example of a heterosexual patriarchal mother. Her mom is white, youthful, feminine, and beautiful. She literally had her prince charming save her. This caused Apple to grow up seeing one way of life, and now as a teenager learns that there is more than one path for her to take.

Apple accidentally eats a poison apple, and her boyfriend, Prince Charming, who she had been dating because history expects them to end up together, doesn’t save her. His kiss doesn’t wake her up. Instead, his sister, Darling Charming, gives Apple mouth-to-mouth, which wakes her from her sleep. Once Apple realizes that Daring might not be her prince charming, she is no longer interested in him. She has the ability to see past what is expected of her to be interested in other boys…or girls…as well as focus on her platonic friendships.

I would just like to acknowledge that the writers of this show had to know what they were doing when they let a princess kiss Apple to wake her from her sleep instead of a prince…gay.

Now, here’s some other aspects that makes me believe the characters are queer (plus which identities I think they have):

Apple White -femme lesbian. She’s totally in love with Raven.

Raven Queen – biromantic asexual. Her outfit gives ace flag and obviously we have to have an ace character. Plus, she likes a boy, Dexter Charming (who I totally ship her with), but I can also see her being with Apple or her best friend, Maddie.

Madeline (Maddie) Hatter – pansexual and uses all pronouns and neopronouns. I have no reasoning for this one other than that it just makes sense.

Cerise Hood – she/they bisexual. She looks so bisexual. The red and black outfit. The bangs and silver strip of dyed hair. Plus, she is the daughter of Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, but keeps her wolf identity hidden which is so queer coded and genderfluid/non-binary/demigirl. (I haven’t decided which but all I know is that Cerise is so not cisgender).

Alistair Wonderland – trans. A very large portion of the characters in this show are the same gender as their parents, but Alistair, son of Alice, isn’t, and he just looks so trans masc.

Darling Charming – trans lesbian. Her outfit is giving trans flag and she literally saved Apple with a kiss. Gay.

God. I love this show. I love a queer analysis. I can’t wait to watch more cartoons and write about how gay they are.

Why Do Lesbians Love Hozier?

Since it is pride month, I thought it would only be appropriate to answer one of the burning questions about the queer community. Why do lesbians love Hozier?

If you are unaware, Andrew Hozier-Byrne is an Irish singer, songwriter, and musician with quite a large fan base, most popularly known for his hit song “Take Me To Church” off of his first self-titled album Hozier.

Hozier has a fanbase that is predominantly made up of queer people, specifically queer women. Lesbians (and other wlw) claim Hozier as a sapphic ally. An article by the Rolling Stone interviews Hozier about his allyship and even titled the piece “Accidental Sapphic Icon Hozier Stands With His LGBTQI+ Fans.”

So, let’s get down to the bottom of this. Why do the gays love Hozier?

Hozier Celebrates Women

Hozier is known for his outstanding lyricism, and the way he writes about women, usually his partner, is no exception. He writes about the beauty of women without sexualizing them. He respects women and celebrates them rather than viewing them as an object.

It is rare for straight, cisgender, white men in the music industry to do this. Many famous male artists often write about having sex with women, and have women in their music videos as objects for the male gaze, standing around in little clothing and dancing, never adding to the plot of the music video itself. They get famous off of their sexist and misogynistic portrayal of women, rather than profound lyricism and instrumental skills.

Hozier Embodies The Lesbian Dream

Hozier lives in Ireland and keeps to himself. I would bet money that he lives in the woods and spends his time cooking fresh produce from his garden. He stays off the internet, disconnected from society, and writes songs about nature and the beauty of women. As a sapphic woman, I know for a fact that I would love nothing more than to live in a cottage in the middle of the woods as a hermit and write about women.

Hozier’s an Ally

Hozier is known for sticking up for the queer community, women’s rights (especially reproductive rights), and people of color.

It is incredibly easy to find videos of him on stage with pride flags fans give to him. In one video posted on TikTok he delicately places a trans flag on his mic stand and says “Solidarity to our trans siblings.”

The music video for “Take Me To Church” brings light to homophobia in the Catholic Church, calling out its discrimination and hurtful practices.

Additionally, Hozier illustrates his activism through his music with songs such as “Nina Cried Power,” “Eat Your Young,” and “Swan Upon Leda,” the ladder written in response to the overturn of Roe v. Wade.

Hozier Dresses Like a Lesbian

Jean jackets. Button ups. High top Converse. Shaggy hair. Hozier is a fashion icon in the sapphic community. If you look up a picture of Hozier and compare it to a chapstick lesbian it would be hard to tell them apart.

(For those who don’t know, Urban Dictionary defines a chapstick lesbian as “A lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, often dressing in comfortable or sensible clothing”).

He Has Nice Hands

He does.

It seems to be a joke/stereotype/truth of sorts in the queer community that queer women pay attention to hands because well…hands do a lot, and having nice hands makes someone hotter.

Now, that doesn’t apply to me as an asexual, but aesthetic attraction is real, and I can agree that Hozier has lovely hands that do in fact match his aura.

Okay. I hope this burning question has been answered for you during this pride month.

Over and out,

Jadey

20 Things That Are Just True Gay Culture

In honor of pride month (the best month of the year) I thought it would only be fitting to enlighten my hetero readers and laugh with my queer ones on things that are just honest and true aspects of gay culture.

Here’s a mandatory disclaimer: obviously there’s no one way to look or be or act queer…this list is simply things that a lot of the members of the queer community relate to and find funny/relatable/true for themselves and their friends in the community. If these are relatable to you, yay! And if they’re not, that doesn’t make your identity any less valid.

The following is a list of things that I, a queer, Gen Z, asexual, agree are 100% a part of gay culture:

Tattoos

Specifically left and right hand tattoos as well as any and all tarot card tats.

Trader Joe’s

Trader Joe’s is for every type of gay. The vegans. The vegetarians. And the gays with stomach issues who need dairy free or gluten free products.

Oat Milk

The gays love saving the planet, and oat milk is the most environmentally friendly milk, and is claimed to be the creamiest. (I personally think soy and cashew are the creamiest but that’s another conversation).

Dyed Hair, Piercings, and Unconventional Haircuts

This is just like the tattoo thing, anything that will set your appearance apart from the norm is inherently queer in a gay way and a different/odd/other definition of queer way. Having fashion colored hair, lots of piercings (especially lots of face piercings and nose rings), and haircuts that scream androgyny or shaggy/skater boy/mullet are so queer.

Cuffed Jeans

If you’re queer you cuff your jeans. End of discussion.

High Top Converse

Low rise Converse are for straight people and high top are for the gays. I don’t exactly know why, but probably because high tops are cooler and they cover your exposed ankle after cuffing your jeans.

Walking Fast

Gay people walk fast. It’s in our blood and gives us less time to be hate crimed!

Brunch

Gays either love or passionately hate brunch. I am a gay who loves brunch. If someone was walking fast for no apparent reason I might say “Wow! They’re walking faster than a gay late for brunch!” (I’m dead serious this is in my vocabulary and gays also are always on time if not early).

Being Good at Everything

Now. No one is good at everything (besides me). But gay people have nothing if not the audacity to tell themselves they can do anything. Painting a house? Sure. Building a table? Easy. Running for mayor? I’m gay, aren’t I?

Theatre

Gays love a performance. They love the theater. Drag. Drama. Camp. Glitz and glitter. We love a theme. We love an event.

Plus, are you really queer if you didn’t do theater in high school or love your English teacher?

Being Incredibly Indecisive

Gay people cannot make decisions. Ask a group of gays where you want to go for lunch and you’ll never go anywhere. Plus, think of all the bisexual, pansexual, agender, and non-binary people out there. They don’t even have to choose their gender or who to date! You think a genderfluid pansexual is going to make a choice? Think again.

Grandmother Hobbies

Ask a gay how old they are and they’ll tell you. Ask a gay how old they mentally are and they’ll say 75. Gays love hobbies that your grandmother would do at the retirement home. This includes, but is not limited to; crocheting, knitting, baking, sewing, gardening, and jewelry making.

Having Very Niche Collections

Very niche interests is a queer thing, and a neuro-divergent thing as well, since a lot of members of the LGBTQIA+ community are also nuero-divergent! This could include, but is not limited to collecting crystals, plants, records, stuffed animals, and figurines (of cats, frogs, or dragons).

Thrifting

With the way oat milk is being charged at coffee shops in this economy you better believe the gays are thrifting and saving their money buying second hand clothes. We gotta save money for our $8 oat milk matcha lattes and hair dye. Plus, it’s environmentally friendly and you can find unique pieces or customize things yourself!

Vegetarian or Veganism

This one goes hand in hand with the oat milk saving-the-environment and gays-have-stomach-issues thing. I know a lot of vegetarian and vegan people, and I’m pretty sure all of them are queer.

Layering Clothes

Tank top. T-shirt. Long sleeves. Pants. Belt. Funky socks. Jewelry. Hair clips. It’s a difficult time for the gays in summer when they can’t wear twenty pieces of clothing. Once again it’s for the aesthetic. It’s camp.

Rings and Funky Earrings

This goes hand in hand with the layering clothes because gays love accessories. Want to tell if someone’s gay? Check to see if they have a ton of rings (especially thumb rings) and/or hand tats.

Having Gay Friends

The only unrealistic thing about movies starring LGBTQIA+ people in the 21st century is that they have straight friends. Gay people have gay friends. Somehow you all started out straight in middle school but slowly came out. The gays subconsciously find each other.

Tumblr

Tumblr is for the niche topic gays as well as the emo ones. Additionally, the gays love other websites where one can post memes and other things – to me this has the same energy as Pinterest and fan accounts on Insta.

Eyeliner

If a gay person could only choose one makeup product it would be eyeliner. So many colors. So many shapes. It adds so much to a look and it truly looks good on everyone.

Here’s a list of the ones I relate to:

Tattoos, Trader Joe’s, oat milk, dyed hair, cuffed jeans, high top Converse, beng good at everything (duh), being indecisive, having grandmother hobbies, having niche collections (nail polish), being vegetarian, wearing rings and funky earrings, having gay friends, and loving eyeliner.

I also somewhat relate to walking fats, brunch, theater, thrifting, and layering clothes. However I don’t walk incredibly fast, feel very passionately about brunch (although I enjoy it), I didn’t do theater (but I loved all my English teachers), I only thrift occasionally, and I don’t layer my clothes too heavily.

The only thing on this list that doesn’t apply to me is Tumblr. I was never an emo Tumblr kid back in like 2012 or whenever.

Okay that’s all. I hope you found this educational and so so funny as always. Happy pride month!!! Yay gay!!

The Inherent Queerness of Being a Fangirl

I never thought I’d be a fangirl.

Sure, I liked music. There were celebrities I kept somewhat up to date on and enjoyed hearing about. But, I was never that into it. I know we all went to middle school with that one person who loved Panic! At The Disco or the girl just head over heels in love – obsessed – with a boy band. But, that was something other people did – it was never me. (Side note: fangirls can obviously be of any gender – but for the sake of this post that’s the term I’ll be using).

Then I started listening to Conan Gray.

And, if you know anything about me, you know that I am completely head over heels in love with Conan Gray.

I turned into a fangirl.

I listen to Conan practically everyday. I have posters up in my room. I kid you not I’m wearing his merch as I write this. I have a tattoo in his handwriting of lyrics from my favorite song by him. So yeah, one could say I’m a fan. However, my love for Conan isn’t obsessive in a bad way. I don’t want to marry Conan or date him, and I’m perfectly okay with the fact that I will probably never meet him, and he’ll never know who I am. That’s just kinda how these things work. However, I love Conan for who he is, not for some celebrity facade. Conan is real. He’s funny. He’s honest and relatable. And yes he’s beautiful and talented, but his lyrics tell more truth than any publicity Instagram post ever could. Conan’s words and presence had brought so much joy and happiness into my life, how could I not love him for that? How could I not want the very best for him, and be so proud of him as a person, and of his career?

I had thought about writing this post for a while, and the time came now just as I finished reading I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman. I Was Born For This follows Jimmy, a member of popular boy band The Ark, and Angel, a fangirl of The Ark, and their inevitable meeting and influence on each other’s lives. Let me tell you, this book was so relatable. Angel loved these boys for who they were, the music they made, and the joy they brought her. She simply wanted the best for them. It was so relatable that I had to talk about it and wrote a blog post of my own fangirl-ness.

All of that leads me to the question of Conan – and other celebrities – largely queer fanbase. Yes, my generation is very gay, but there is something so inherently queer about being a fangirl – idolizing someone you’ve never, and probably will never, meet. And why do I, a very queer person, feel such community, such understanding, in my fandom?

Let’s discuss four reasons why being a fangirl is inherently queer:

Representation

The queer community- while growing – is still incredibly underrepresented and members of the LGBTQIA+ community find representation where it is not explicitly given. Think about the Gaylor or Larrie theories – fans who think Taylor Swift is queer and Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were/are dating while in One Direction. Yeah some fans do genuinely believe that, but others simply find representation in their lyrics and lifestyles.

However, there are many more well-known artists who are queer- and do provide crucial representation for their fans. Conan Gray doesn’t label his sexuality. He sings about liking boys and girls and uses gender-neutral pronouns when discussing love interests. I love that about him. I can listen to Conan’s music and relate as as queer person, as an asexual person, and as someone who also doesn’t worry about labeling their romantic orientation.

Conan, without directly saying anything, lets me know that being queer is okay, and I can sing about, or fall in love with anyone no matter their gender.

Being a Fangirl Breaks Heteronormative and Patriarchal Expectation

One might argue that being a fangirl is incredibly straight. Young teenage girls who are obsessed with conventionally attractive boys is a perfect example of typical heteronormativity.

I’m here to argue that is not the case at all. Sure, there are some people who love a celebrity of the opposite sex and truly want to date or marry them. But, for a majority of the world that is not the case. And that assumption, that every girl is in love with a boy, is rooted in heteronormativity. Additionally, fangirls are seen as obsessive, controlling, and crazy. One might even suggest that is similar to the mad women trope – that women who can’t get their male lover to reciprocate feelings are therefore hyper-sexual and mad. And even if we ignore that, fangirls are seen as way less than fans of other people. Men are obsessed with football players and that is perfectly acceptable. But the second a girl starts talking about her favorite artist – the hobby of listening to music – she’s obsessive, and her hobby is seen as less than simply because she’s a female.

Liking a band or an artist rebels against the patriarchy by doing exactly what we are told not to do. When society tells people they shouldn’t be so involved in a fandom or that they should have “real” hobbies, continuing to love and support artists is protest in itself.

Chosen Family

Having a super niche interest about anything can actually be isolating. No one really gets your love or fascination with it, and to be honest, people just don’t care.

Meeting others who have the same love for something – whether it’s Conan Gray or not – brings mutual understanding and brings people together. People understand your excitement, your joy, your sadness, because they feel it too. Finding those who accept you for you, niche interests and all, has very queer undertones due to the idea of found family or chosen family – a group of people who bond based on shared experiences and interests.

Fandoms Are Online

Additionally, fandoms are built through online platforms. People make edits, write fanfiction, run fan accounts, all to share their love of someone or something. This continues to bring people together and share opinions and thoughts one might not have discovered on their own.

When I go on TikTok and see edits of Conan Gray, I like and comment and interact because other people get it. I see people make memes and post about what songs are their favorites, so I get to listen to them with a new lens that this is someone’s favorite song of all time. Someone could point out the percussion in a song I’ve listened to hundreds of times and never thought to pay attention to, and now that song is even better than it was before.

I love Conan Gray. I love seeing other people who love him. I love talking about him and listening to his music and having him be a part of my life makes me me. I turned into a fangirl, and I love it.

Let’s Remember the “A” This Pride Month

Hopefully the following things I am about to say do not sound like a complaint (although they are a little) and instead sound like valid and understandable points. Yay!

We need to remember the “A” this pride month. And honestly, we need to remember all of the letters after the “T.”

Pride month is coming, and with that, corporations are going to participate in what the queer community likes to call rainbow capitalism, which is where companies attempt to capitalize off of pride month by making rainbow and queer-targeted products for the sole purpose of making money. It may seem like they’re being allies and supporting the community, but in reality they are simply doing it out of greed and are doing nothing for the queer community. The rest of the year they aren’t donating money, signing petitions, or hiring queer employees.

A lot of those companies are going to celebrate the LGBT community, or maybe the LGBT+ community. And if we’re oh, so lucky, the LGBTQ+ community will be celebrated.

I totally understand saying LGBT+, because let’s be real, the whole acronym is a mouthful. But simply not including the plus? How hard is it to add a plus, and if we’re honest, the main 8 syllables in LGBTQIA+.

Words are much more impactful than we seem to think. Cutting out letters from the acronym, especially when not considering the plus, cancels out voices and experiences of other minority communities. There is already so much discrimination and individual challenges each sexual orientation or gender identity faces, we simply shouldn’t add to that by ignoring letters, because in this case, letters are people, experiences, and important parts of identity.

I didn’t realize how much it impacted me until last pride month, when my Instagram feed was covered in rainbows, celebrating those who are gay and trans, and I didn’t see myself in any of those posts. I distinctly remember seeing “LGBT” everywhere, and rarely seeing the A. How hard is it to include the other letters? If you’re celebrating the entire community, why not truly celebrate the entire community?

Language matters. Including all of the letters, the flags, having diverse people in interviews, in ads, as models for rainbow merchandise, shows the queer community that we are valid. Ignoring letters and identifying within the community suggest those letters, those real life human beings, are not as important. They’re easily forgotten.

However, it’s not all about me. It would be selfish to say that it is. But this is about a broader community. The “A” is often forgotten. Asexual and aromantic communities are much more likely to be in the closet and be offered conversion therapy, so why are we always forgotten and rarely celebrated? We have a history of finding each other online, yet when it comes to pride month where every social media platform has a rainbow profile picture and flags in every post, asexuals, the online community, is rarely involved.

Additionally, pride parades can be quite a sexualized place. Although it is totally valid and important to celebrate the sexual part of your identity, it is important to remember that not everyone experiences that piece, and being inclusive with language and celebrating different orientations encapsulates every queer identity. And I’m not a parent, but lots of young queer people and little kids attend with their families, so maybe showing off your kinks and fetishes at pride parades while wearing leashes and leather is not the most family friendly choice…

It is obviously important to celebrate the queer community now and moving forward, and it is amazing that being queer is so widely accepted in the United States that companies are making products that target a queer demographic. But, we still have a long way to go. Corporations should be donating money to queer organizations. They should be advocating for the passage of gender-affirming healthcare and a federal ban to conversion therapy. They should be using their platform to spread awareness and support the community.

Now. Simply not saying additional letters does not actually wipe away the intersex or aromantic or pansexual population. Wearing slutty clothing to pride does not offend asexuals. However, when being an ally, or even a member of an oppressed community, language is impactful, especially when actions in the past (and unfortunately the present) have been harmful to queer people. Pride month, and every month, is a time to celebrate differences and let love be love.

Alright. That’s enough from me. Pride month is so soon, and I am so excited to buy rainbow stickers and wave my little flag at a parade.

Why boygenius is Changing The Lives of Queer Listeners

In my last blog post I talked about how I wanted to have a post dedicated to boygenius and my deep, deep love for them. This is that post.

If you are unaware, boygenius (yes in lowercase letters) is a band, specifically a supergroup, made up of three queer women named Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and Lucy Dacus. They all had successful solo careers before they teamed up in 2018, forming a close friendship and later a band. They released their EP, boygenius, in 2018 and haven’t released anything else together until now. They got back together when the pandemic started, initiated by Phoebe Bridgers, just weeks after she released her album, Punisher.

Their album, the record, was released March 31st 2023 and contains songs about love, friendship, religion, and heartbreak.

But what’s so great about them that I need to write a whole blog post on it?

First of all, they’re an all queer band. We often see bands made up of boys who are usually straight white men. And, when we do get girl groups, they’re expected to sing about heartbreak and be everything society tells women they should be. boygenius not only breaks the expected girl group trope, but they do it in a queer way, singing about love, friendship, and mental health. Even the name of their band plays with the idea of men having superiority in the music industry. They poke fun at the patriarchy, sing about life, not just boys, and wear suits. Plus, fans call them “the boys” and I think that’s just adorable.

Additionally, many queer listeners can see themselves represented by each member. Phoebe is sarcastic, edgy, and bisexual. Lucy is kind, funny, and queer, and Julien is energetic, passionate, and gay.

Secondly, they’re activists. All three members actively speak out about political issues such as abortion and women and queer rights. In their song “$20,” lyrics further this claim when they sing “Pushing the flowers that come up/Into the front of a shotgun/So many hills to die on.”

Thirdly, they have a beautiful friendship. I am obsessed with watching interviews and clips from concerts with them because they are just so adorable. They smile, laugh, make jokes, hug, and even tackle each other on stage. You can see how pure and real their friendship is, and that provides so much hope and joy.

Fourthly, I am in love with Julien Baker. She is always so happy. She has such golden retriever energy. She has the most genuine, biggest smile I have ever seen. She’s adorable. She is only five feet tall and full of energy. She is so intelligent. She speaks eloquently in interviews and you can tell how passionate she is about being an artist and a role model. Her laugh is contagious. She is covered in tattoos and wears masc outfits that make my gay heart fall head over heels. She has a guitar that says “queer joy” and every time I see it I could truly cry.

I could obviously say the same for each member, but I do have a favorite, so I’m not going to shut up about her.

And lastly, I’m seeing them in concert and I could literally explode. I’m so happy. I truly have no words to describe how excited I am to see them. They are so gay, and I am so gay, and I didn’t even realize how important it was for me to be in that kind of environment with other queer listeners listening to a bunch of queer people sing about being queer. It is so validating. It is so heartwarming. It fills me with so much hope. And it hasn’t even happened yet. I just know how fantastic it is going to be.

Now. I say they’re changing lives, and I can for certain say they changed my life, but probably not in the grand way you’re thinking. They didn’t show up to my house and give me a million dollars or save my puppy from a burning fire. They simply exist. All they do is show the queer community that we can exist and be ourselves and form genuine relationships and be happy. But, we don’t have to be happy all the time, especially when we’re listening to their music.

You already know you’ll be getting an updated blog post once I see them perform in July. Until then!