Category: Uncategorized

The Underlying (but obvious) Queerness in Ever After High

If you don’t know…I am addicted to crocheting. I learned how to crochet over winter break in December, and have made many, many projects since then. Now it’s summer break and I have all the time in the world to crochet (besides going to work obviously, I have to make money for yarn somehow). I love crocheting and making clothes and buying yarn and spending hours watching tutorials and creating never-ending lists of projects I want to make.

However, something I think many crocheters could agree with is that background noise is necessary, and sometimes music doesn’t quite cut it. This obviously means I need a television show to watch; specifically one that is easy to follow since I’ll be staring at a ball of yarn 80% of the time.

I’ve watched YouTube, movies, listened to music, and crocheted in silence. But, a gal can only rewatch Heartstopper so many times before she needs a new show. Thankfully for me, I have stumbled upon a category that I love, and, as you probably guess by the title of this post, that category is children’s cartoons.

My love of cartoons blossomed with the show The Loud House, and grew immensely when I watched The Owl House (I clearly like shows about houses). Both of those shows have explicit queer representation, and are newer shows, so for this blog post, I won’t be talking about them, but just know they’re great and The Loud House has an awesome spin off show about a multi-generational Mexican-American family called The Casagrandes.

I usually spend an unreasonable amount of time scrolling on Netflix searching for something to watch, and just the other week I stumbled upon a television show based on a book series I read in the fifth grade: Ever After High. I remembered loving the books and even collecting the dolls, so I obviously had to dive right into the show to see if it was as good as I remember. Obviously it was, because it was so, so queer. Now, this show is actually “straight” because there is no obvious explicit queer representation, but listen, I have eyes, and the queer-coded-ness of this show is clear.

Today I’ll be talking about the seemingly obvious queerness in television that is made for children through Ever After High. I’ve also been watching Gravity Falls (which is SO good), but I haven’t finished the series yet, so I’ll save that analysis for another day.

In case you’ve never heard of the show here’s a quick summary:

Ever After High is a boarding school in the fairytale world that hosts the sons and daughters of fairytale characters as they lead up to Legacy Day, where they sign the Storybook of Legends to pledge to follow in their parents footsteps. However, Raven Queen, the daughter of the Evil Queen, refuses to follow in her mother’s footsteps, causing conflict among characters and forcing differences between the Royals and Rebels, those who are following their destiny, and those who aren’t.

Here are all of the reasons Ever After High is queer:

Stereotypically Queer Hair and Outfits

Blah blah blah we know there is no way that your clothes or your appearance makes you queer, but, there are definitely some trends in the appearance of queer people; alternative styles, androgyny, dyed hair, and over the top – or camp – outfits. Those things don’t make you queer, but they are common in the queer community and in Ever After High.

Going along with these stereotypes, all we have to do is simply look over at our Ever After High characters for 0.2 seconds and you can see how obviously queer they look. They have bright colorful hair, camp outfits, and they love a theme. Their outfits are arguably different from past Disney fairytales, and in my opinion, take a lot of inspiration from drag culture. All of the girls have intense eye makeup, big colorful hair, and beautifully detailed and elaborate dresses.

The appearance of the characters in this show look queer, and their names are spin offs of their fairytale parents, once again, something found in drag culture!

LGBTQIA+ Flag Coding

Throughout the show it is super easy to see the color patterns of many LGBTQIA+ flags. This is seen mainly through the outfits the characters wear in their signature colors.

Raven Queen wears a lot of purple and black, with hints of white and gray, obvious colors of the asexual flag.

Darling Charming wears light pink, blue and white, colors of the trans flag.

Apple White wears red, pink and white, sunset colors that match the lesbian flag.

Characters Go Against the Status Quo

Even if we ignore the queerness of the character’s appearance, their actions are inherently queer due to many of the characters going against the status quo. It is expected that the students follow their parents’ destinies by signing the Storybook of Legends and continue to keep tradition alive. However, our main character, Raven Queen, doesn’t want to grow up to be like her mother. She wants to create her own future and choose her own destiny, to be herself without others telling her how to live just because it is seemingly “tradition.”

And They Were Roommates!

Apple White (the daughter of Snow White) and Raven Queen start out as enemies, due to Raven going against the status quo and Apple needing Raven to play her part in order for her story to go according to plan. Apple convinces the headmaster to have her switch roommates and live with Raven to try to get her back on the straight and narrow path. However, they begin to see each other’s sides and are roommates during this entire time. They become friends, and there is some serious lesbian tension going on between them. It’s giving enemies to friends to lovers.

“Patriarchal” Expectations

Although there is no actual patriarchy in this fairytale land, there is definitely a larger force holding up expectations that the younger generation of fairytale characters to follow.

Apple grew up with a classic example of a heterosexual patriarchal mother. Her mom is white, youthful, feminine, and beautiful. She literally had her prince charming save her. This caused Apple to grow up seeing one way of life, and now as a teenager learns that there is more than one path for her to take.

Apple accidentally eats a poison apple, and her boyfriend, Prince Charming, who she had been dating because history expects them to end up together, doesn’t save her. His kiss doesn’t wake her up. Instead, his sister, Darling Charming, gives Apple mouth-to-mouth, which wakes her from her sleep. Once Apple realizes that Daring might not be her prince charming, she is no longer interested in him. She has the ability to see past what is expected of her to be interested in other boys…or girls…as well as focus on her platonic friendships.

I would just like to acknowledge that the writers of this show had to know what they were doing when they let a princess kiss Apple to wake her from her sleep instead of a prince…gay.

Now, here’s some other aspects that makes me believe the characters are queer (plus which identities I think they have):

Apple White -femme lesbian. She’s totally in love with Raven.

Raven Queen – biromantic asexual. Her outfit gives ace flag and obviously we have to have an ace character. Plus, she likes a boy, Dexter Charming (who I totally ship her with), but I can also see her being with Apple or her best friend, Maddie.

Madeline (Maddie) Hatter – pansexual and uses all pronouns and neopronouns. I have no reasoning for this one other than that it just makes sense.

Cerise Hood – she/they bisexual. She looks so bisexual. The red and black outfit. The bangs and silver strip of dyed hair. Plus, she is the daughter of Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, but keeps her wolf identity hidden which is so queer coded and genderfluid/non-binary/demigirl. (I haven’t decided which but all I know is that Cerise is so not cisgender).

Alistair Wonderland – trans. A very large portion of the characters in this show are the same gender as their parents, but Alistair, son of Alice, isn’t, and he just looks so trans masc.

Darling Charming – trans lesbian. Her outfit is giving trans flag and she literally saved Apple with a kiss. Gay.

God. I love this show. I love a queer analysis. I can’t wait to watch more cartoons and write about how gay they are.

Why Do Lesbians Love Hozier?

Since it is pride month, I thought it would only be appropriate to answer one of the burning questions about the queer community. Why do lesbians love Hozier?

If you are unaware, Andrew Hozier-Byrne is an Irish singer, songwriter, and musician with quite a large fan base, most popularly known for his hit song “Take Me To Church” off of his first self-titled album Hozier.

Hozier has a fanbase that is predominantly made up of queer people, specifically queer women. Lesbians (and other wlw) claim Hozier as a sapphic ally. An article by the Rolling Stone interviews Hozier about his allyship and even titled the piece “Accidental Sapphic Icon Hozier Stands With His LGBTQI+ Fans.”

So, let’s get down to the bottom of this. Why do the gays love Hozier?

Hozier Celebrates Women

Hozier is known for his outstanding lyricism, and the way he writes about women, usually his partner, is no exception. He writes about the beauty of women without sexualizing them. He respects women and celebrates them rather than viewing them as an object.

It is rare for straight, cisgender, white men in the music industry to do this. Many famous male artists often write about having sex with women, and have women in their music videos as objects for the male gaze, standing around in little clothing and dancing, never adding to the plot of the music video itself. They get famous off of their sexist and misogynistic portrayal of women, rather than profound lyricism and instrumental skills.

Hozier Embodies The Lesbian Dream

Hozier lives in Ireland and keeps to himself. I would bet money that he lives in the woods and spends his time cooking fresh produce from his garden. He stays off the internet, disconnected from society, and writes songs about nature and the beauty of women. As a sapphic woman, I know for a fact that I would love nothing more than to live in a cottage in the middle of the woods as a hermit and write about women.

Hozier’s an Ally

Hozier is known for sticking up for the queer community, women’s rights (especially reproductive rights), and people of color.

It is incredibly easy to find videos of him on stage with pride flags fans give to him. In one video posted on TikTok he delicately places a trans flag on his mic stand and says “Solidarity to our trans siblings.”

The music video for “Take Me To Church” brings light to homophobia in the Catholic Church, calling out its discrimination and hurtful practices.

Additionally, Hozier illustrates his activism through his music with songs such as “Nina Cried Power,” “Eat Your Young,” and “Swan Upon Leda,” the ladder written in response to the overturn of Roe v. Wade.

Hozier Dresses Like a Lesbian

Jean jackets. Button ups. High top Converse. Shaggy hair. Hozier is a fashion icon in the sapphic community. If you look up a picture of Hozier and compare it to a chapstick lesbian it would be hard to tell them apart.

(For those who don’t know, Urban Dictionary defines a chapstick lesbian as “A lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, often dressing in comfortable or sensible clothing”).

He Has Nice Hands

He does.

It seems to be a joke/stereotype/truth of sorts in the queer community that queer women pay attention to hands because well…hands do a lot, and having nice hands makes someone hotter.

Now, that doesn’t apply to me as an asexual, but aesthetic attraction is real, and I can agree that Hozier has lovely hands that do in fact match his aura.

Okay. I hope this burning question has been answered for you during this pride month.

Over and out,

Jadey

20 Things That Are Just True Gay Culture

In honor of pride month (the best month of the year) I thought it would only be fitting to enlighten my hetero readers and laugh with my queer ones on things that are just honest and true aspects of gay culture.

Here’s a mandatory disclaimer: obviously there’s no one way to look or be or act queer…this list is simply things that a lot of the members of the queer community relate to and find funny/relatable/true for themselves and their friends in the community. If these are relatable to you, yay! And if they’re not, that doesn’t make your identity any less valid.

The following is a list of things that I, a queer, Gen Z, asexual, agree are 100% a part of gay culture:

Tattoos

Specifically left and right hand tattoos as well as any and all tarot card tats.

Trader Joe’s

Trader Joe’s is for every type of gay. The vegans. The vegetarians. And the gays with stomach issues who need dairy free or gluten free products.

Oat Milk

The gays love saving the planet, and oat milk is the most environmentally friendly milk, and is claimed to be the creamiest. (I personally think soy and cashew are the creamiest but that’s another conversation).

Dyed Hair, Piercings, and Unconventional Haircuts

This is just like the tattoo thing, anything that will set your appearance apart from the norm is inherently queer in a gay way and a different/odd/other definition of queer way. Having fashion colored hair, lots of piercings (especially lots of face piercings and nose rings), and haircuts that scream androgyny or shaggy/skater boy/mullet are so queer.

Cuffed Jeans

If you’re queer you cuff your jeans. End of discussion.

High Top Converse

Low rise Converse are for straight people and high top are for the gays. I don’t exactly know why, but probably because high tops are cooler and they cover your exposed ankle after cuffing your jeans.

Walking Fast

Gay people walk fast. It’s in our blood and gives us less time to be hate crimed!

Brunch

Gays either love or passionately hate brunch. I am a gay who loves brunch. If someone was walking fast for no apparent reason I might say “Wow! They’re walking faster than a gay late for brunch!” (I’m dead serious this is in my vocabulary and gays also are always on time if not early).

Being Good at Everything

Now. No one is good at everything (besides me). But gay people have nothing if not the audacity to tell themselves they can do anything. Painting a house? Sure. Building a table? Easy. Running for mayor? I’m gay, aren’t I?

Theatre

Gays love a performance. They love the theater. Drag. Drama. Camp. Glitz and glitter. We love a theme. We love an event.

Plus, are you really queer if you didn’t do theater in high school or love your English teacher?

Being Incredibly Indecisive

Gay people cannot make decisions. Ask a group of gays where you want to go for lunch and you’ll never go anywhere. Plus, think of all the bisexual, pansexual, agender, and non-binary people out there. They don’t even have to choose their gender or who to date! You think a genderfluid pansexual is going to make a choice? Think again.

Grandmother Hobbies

Ask a gay how old they are and they’ll tell you. Ask a gay how old they mentally are and they’ll say 75. Gays love hobbies that your grandmother would do at the retirement home. This includes, but is not limited to; crocheting, knitting, baking, sewing, gardening, and jewelry making.

Having Very Niche Collections

Very niche interests is a queer thing, and a neuro-divergent thing as well, since a lot of members of the LGBTQIA+ community are also nuero-divergent! This could include, but is not limited to collecting crystals, plants, records, stuffed animals, and figurines (of cats, frogs, or dragons).

Thrifting

With the way oat milk is being charged at coffee shops in this economy you better believe the gays are thrifting and saving their money buying second hand clothes. We gotta save money for our $8 oat milk matcha lattes and hair dye. Plus, it’s environmentally friendly and you can find unique pieces or customize things yourself!

Vegetarian or Veganism

This one goes hand in hand with the oat milk saving-the-environment and gays-have-stomach-issues thing. I know a lot of vegetarian and vegan people, and I’m pretty sure all of them are queer.

Layering Clothes

Tank top. T-shirt. Long sleeves. Pants. Belt. Funky socks. Jewelry. Hair clips. It’s a difficult time for the gays in summer when they can’t wear twenty pieces of clothing. Once again it’s for the aesthetic. It’s camp.

Rings and Funky Earrings

This goes hand in hand with the layering clothes because gays love accessories. Want to tell if someone’s gay? Check to see if they have a ton of rings (especially thumb rings) and/or hand tats.

Having Gay Friends

The only unrealistic thing about movies starring LGBTQIA+ people in the 21st century is that they have straight friends. Gay people have gay friends. Somehow you all started out straight in middle school but slowly came out. The gays subconsciously find each other.

Tumblr

Tumblr is for the niche topic gays as well as the emo ones. Additionally, the gays love other websites where one can post memes and other things – to me this has the same energy as Pinterest and fan accounts on Insta.

Eyeliner

If a gay person could only choose one makeup product it would be eyeliner. So many colors. So many shapes. It adds so much to a look and it truly looks good on everyone.

Here’s a list of the ones I relate to:

Tattoos, Trader Joe’s, oat milk, dyed hair, cuffed jeans, high top Converse, beng good at everything (duh), being indecisive, having grandmother hobbies, having niche collections (nail polish), being vegetarian, wearing rings and funky earrings, having gay friends, and loving eyeliner.

I also somewhat relate to walking fats, brunch, theater, thrifting, and layering clothes. However I don’t walk incredibly fast, feel very passionately about brunch (although I enjoy it), I didn’t do theater (but I loved all my English teachers), I only thrift occasionally, and I don’t layer my clothes too heavily.

The only thing on this list that doesn’t apply to me is Tumblr. I was never an emo Tumblr kid back in like 2012 or whenever.

Okay that’s all. I hope you found this educational and so so funny as always. Happy pride month!!! Yay gay!!

The Inherent Queerness of Being a Fangirl

I never thought I’d be a fangirl.

Sure, I liked music. There were celebrities I kept somewhat up to date on and enjoyed hearing about. But, I was never that into it. I know we all went to middle school with that one person who loved Panic! At The Disco or the girl just head over heels in love – obsessed – with a boy band. But, that was something other people did – it was never me. (Side note: fangirls can obviously be of any gender – but for the sake of this post that’s the term I’ll be using).

Then I started listening to Conan Gray.

And, if you know anything about me, you know that I am completely head over heels in love with Conan Gray.

I turned into a fangirl.

I listen to Conan practically everyday. I have posters up in my room. I kid you not I’m wearing his merch as I write this. I have a tattoo in his handwriting of lyrics from my favorite song by him. So yeah, one could say I’m a fan. However, my love for Conan isn’t obsessive in a bad way. I don’t want to marry Conan or date him, and I’m perfectly okay with the fact that I will probably never meet him, and he’ll never know who I am. That’s just kinda how these things work. However, I love Conan for who he is, not for some celebrity facade. Conan is real. He’s funny. He’s honest and relatable. And yes he’s beautiful and talented, but his lyrics tell more truth than any publicity Instagram post ever could. Conan’s words and presence had brought so much joy and happiness into my life, how could I not love him for that? How could I not want the very best for him, and be so proud of him as a person, and of his career?

I had thought about writing this post for a while, and the time came now just as I finished reading I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman. I Was Born For This follows Jimmy, a member of popular boy band The Ark, and Angel, a fangirl of The Ark, and their inevitable meeting and influence on each other’s lives. Let me tell you, this book was so relatable. Angel loved these boys for who they were, the music they made, and the joy they brought her. She simply wanted the best for them. It was so relatable that I had to talk about it and wrote a blog post of my own fangirl-ness.

All of that leads me to the question of Conan – and other celebrities – largely queer fanbase. Yes, my generation is very gay, but there is something so inherently queer about being a fangirl – idolizing someone you’ve never, and probably will never, meet. And why do I, a very queer person, feel such community, such understanding, in my fandom?

Let’s discuss four reasons why being a fangirl is inherently queer:

Representation

The queer community- while growing – is still incredibly underrepresented and members of the LGBTQIA+ community find representation where it is not explicitly given. Think about the Gaylor or Larrie theories – fans who think Taylor Swift is queer and Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were/are dating while in One Direction. Yeah some fans do genuinely believe that, but others simply find representation in their lyrics and lifestyles.

However, there are many more well-known artists who are queer- and do provide crucial representation for their fans. Conan Gray doesn’t label his sexuality. He sings about liking boys and girls and uses gender-neutral pronouns when discussing love interests. I love that about him. I can listen to Conan’s music and relate as as queer person, as an asexual person, and as someone who also doesn’t worry about labeling their romantic orientation.

Conan, without directly saying anything, lets me know that being queer is okay, and I can sing about, or fall in love with anyone no matter their gender.

Being a Fangirl Breaks Heteronormative and Patriarchal Expectation

One might argue that being a fangirl is incredibly straight. Young teenage girls who are obsessed with conventionally attractive boys is a perfect example of typical heteronormativity.

I’m here to argue that is not the case at all. Sure, there are some people who love a celebrity of the opposite sex and truly want to date or marry them. But, for a majority of the world that is not the case. And that assumption, that every girl is in love with a boy, is rooted in heteronormativity. Additionally, fangirls are seen as obsessive, controlling, and crazy. One might even suggest that is similar to the mad women trope – that women who can’t get their male lover to reciprocate feelings are therefore hyper-sexual and mad. And even if we ignore that, fangirls are seen as way less than fans of other people. Men are obsessed with football players and that is perfectly acceptable. But the second a girl starts talking about her favorite artist – the hobby of listening to music – she’s obsessive, and her hobby is seen as less than simply because she’s a female.

Liking a band or an artist rebels against the patriarchy by doing exactly what we are told not to do. When society tells people they shouldn’t be so involved in a fandom or that they should have “real” hobbies, continuing to love and support artists is protest in itself.

Chosen Family

Having a super niche interest about anything can actually be isolating. No one really gets your love or fascination with it, and to be honest, people just don’t care.

Meeting others who have the same love for something – whether it’s Conan Gray or not – brings mutual understanding and brings people together. People understand your excitement, your joy, your sadness, because they feel it too. Finding those who accept you for you, niche interests and all, has very queer undertones due to the idea of found family or chosen family – a group of people who bond based on shared experiences and interests.

Fandoms Are Online

Additionally, fandoms are built through online platforms. People make edits, write fanfiction, run fan accounts, all to share their love of someone or something. This continues to bring people together and share opinions and thoughts one might not have discovered on their own.

When I go on TikTok and see edits of Conan Gray, I like and comment and interact because other people get it. I see people make memes and post about what songs are their favorites, so I get to listen to them with a new lens that this is someone’s favorite song of all time. Someone could point out the percussion in a song I’ve listened to hundreds of times and never thought to pay attention to, and now that song is even better than it was before.

I love Conan Gray. I love seeing other people who love him. I love talking about him and listening to his music and having him be a part of my life makes me me. I turned into a fangirl, and I love it.

Why boygenius is Changing The Lives of Queer Listeners

In my last blog post I talked about how I wanted to have a post dedicated to boygenius and my deep, deep love for them. This is that post.

If you are unaware, boygenius (yes in lowercase letters) is a band, specifically a supergroup, made up of three queer women named Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and Lucy Dacus. They all had successful solo careers before they teamed up in 2018, forming a close friendship and later a band. They released their EP, boygenius, in 2018 and haven’t released anything else together until now. They got back together when the pandemic started, initiated by Phoebe Bridgers, just weeks after she released her album, Punisher.

Their album, the record, was released March 31st 2023 and contains songs about love, friendship, religion, and heartbreak.

But what’s so great about them that I need to write a whole blog post on it?

First of all, they’re an all queer band. We often see bands made up of boys who are usually straight white men. And, when we do get girl groups, they’re expected to sing about heartbreak and be everything society tells women they should be. boygenius not only breaks the expected girl group trope, but they do it in a queer way, singing about love, friendship, and mental health. Even the name of their band plays with the idea of men having superiority in the music industry. They poke fun at the patriarchy, sing about life, not just boys, and wear suits. Plus, fans call them “the boys” and I think that’s just adorable.

Additionally, many queer listeners can see themselves represented by each member. Phoebe is sarcastic, edgy, and bisexual. Lucy is kind, funny, and queer, and Julien is energetic, passionate, and gay.

Secondly, they’re activists. All three members actively speak out about political issues such as abortion and women and queer rights. In their song “$20,” lyrics further this claim when they sing “Pushing the flowers that come up/Into the front of a shotgun/So many hills to die on.”

Thirdly, they have a beautiful friendship. I am obsessed with watching interviews and clips from concerts with them because they are just so adorable. They smile, laugh, make jokes, hug, and even tackle each other on stage. You can see how pure and real their friendship is, and that provides so much hope and joy.

Fourthly, I am in love with Julien Baker. She is always so happy. She has such golden retriever energy. She has the most genuine, biggest smile I have ever seen. She’s adorable. She is only five feet tall and full of energy. She is so intelligent. She speaks eloquently in interviews and you can tell how passionate she is about being an artist and a role model. Her laugh is contagious. She is covered in tattoos and wears masc outfits that make my gay heart fall head over heels. She has a guitar that says “queer joy” and every time I see it I could truly cry.

I could obviously say the same for each member, but I do have a favorite, so I’m not going to shut up about her.

And lastly, I’m seeing them in concert and I could literally explode. I’m so happy. I truly have no words to describe how excited I am to see them. They are so gay, and I am so gay, and I didn’t even realize how important it was for me to be in that kind of environment with other queer listeners listening to a bunch of queer people sing about being queer. It is so validating. It is so heartwarming. It fills me with so much hope. And it hasn’t even happened yet. I just know how fantastic it is going to be.

Now. I say they’re changing lives, and I can for certain say they changed my life, but probably not in the grand way you’re thinking. They didn’t show up to my house and give me a million dollars or save my puppy from a burning fire. They simply exist. All they do is show the queer community that we can exist and be ourselves and form genuine relationships and be happy. But, we don’t have to be happy all the time, especially when we’re listening to their music.

You already know you’ll be getting an updated blog post once I see them perform in July. Until then!

10 Songs That Aren’t About Romance or Sex

We all know by now that I am nothing if not a hopeless romantic. However, that is not the case for my entire community. Some aces and aros out there don’t enjoy consuming media that is about romance or sex so this blog post is for them (you’re welcome). Plus, it seems difficult to create a good song not about love when that is all we hear about on the radio so props to all these people for doing just that.

Here’s ten great songs not about love or sex:

(Can We Be Friends?) – Conan Gray

I haven’t mentioned the love of my life Conan Lee Gray very recently in a blog post and it’s starting to feel like a crime. Oh Conan. I have nothing bad to say about this man just as I have nothing bad to say about this song. His song is short, sweet, and incredibly intimate. If you need a song for that one special friend (or friends) in your life this is the perfect song for them.

Notable lyric: “Could you be my best friend?/Can we be friends?”

Additionally: “So, if anybody fucks with you/I’ll knock their teeth out (yeah)”

The little “yeah” is followed by a tiny laugh and it really gets me good every time.

Mood Ring – Lorde

I love this song mostly because the whole thing is satire and commentary on trying to connect with oneself through spirituality. The whole song is politically charged and if I’m going to listen to a song I love when it comments on corruption in society.

Notable lyric: “You can burn sage, and I’ll cleanse the crystals/We can get high, but only if the wind blows”

Brutal – Olivia Rodrigo

Maybe I just wanted another opportunity to talk about Conan Gray as he is best friends with Olivia, but this song is a banger and all about teen angst which I’m sure Conan approves of.

Notable lyric: “And I’m not cool and I’m not smart/And I can’t even parallel park”

I am cool, and I am smart, but if Miss Rodrigo has been right about anything it’s the fact that I can’t parallel park.

Eat Your Young – Hozier

Every time I talk about music I talk about Hozier because that man is just that talented. He recently released three songs before he releases his third album later this year and I already know it is going to be a masterpiece. This song is about the famine in Ireland and the things people had to do for money to provide for their families.

Notable lyric: “Skinning the children for a war drum/Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns”

Literally oh my god. Andrew. I-

Satanist – boygenius

When I tell you I am in love with boygenius you better believe it. I somewhat recently started listening to Phoebe Bridgers, who makes up one third of the supergroup boygenius, and decided to listen to their debut record after a five year hiatus from when they released their EP. The other members, Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker, are also extremely talented, and although I don’t listen to their music quite as much, I am head over heels in love with Julien Baker. She has golden retriever energy and is so silly and happy I could just pass away. Additionally, they are an all queer band and I think I have to write a completely separate blog post on how important they are to me, their friendship, and the massive gay crush I have on Julien.

Notable lyric: “Will you be a satanist with me?/Mortgage off your soul to buy your dream”

Additionally: “Will you be an anarchist with me?/Sleep in cars and kill the bourgeoisie”

So edgy so punk so cool.

The Kids Are All Dying – FINNEAS

The first time I listened to this song I knew it was going to be one of my favorites. And it is. It is so good. Truly everything about it. The message. The sound. The music video. The irony.

Notable lyric: “How can you sing about drugs? Politicians are lying”

Additionally: “Bang Bang/Knocking on my door/”Do you have a dollar? Would you like to fund a war?/What’s your carbon footprint and could you be doing more?””

Chinese Satellite – Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is such a unique artist. Sometimes I’ll listen to a song by her or boygenius and think to myself “wow this whole poem is a metaphor” and then I’ll read what it’s about and it will be about the most literal specific situation ever. This song feels like it could be a breakup song upon first listen but it’s actually about Phoebe’s relationship with faith and the fact that she doesn’t believe in god.

Notable lyric: “You were screaming at the Evangelicals/They were screaming right back from what I remember”

Fan Behavior – Isaac Dunbar

The first time I listened to this song was blasting it in the car and my jaw was literally on the floor. I have no words to describe how good this song is. A true hype song. Isaac’s voice is just inexplicably good and this song truly makes me speechless.

Notable lyric: “Hey, I just wanna say “hey” to let you know your blow/And all you did was feed my ego”

Number One Fan – MUNA

I mentioned this song in my blog post titled “How I Became Confident in Myself, My Sexuality, and Being Unlabeled” Where I obviously discussed how I’m hot and sexy and love myself. And at the bottom of that post I said you could just listen to this song because this song is about self love and is a pop banger.

Notable lyric: “”Oh my God like, I’m your number one fan/So iconic, like big, like stan, like/I would give my life just to hold your hand/I’m your number one fan”

no body, no crime – Taylor Swift

It wouldn’t be a music discussion without mentioning the music industry herself, Taylor Alison Swift. This song goes out to all the misogynistic men who think she only writes about boys and heartbreak. A song about the hypothetical murder of her best friend? Creativity and lyricism is unmatched.

Notable lyrics: “Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy”

There we go. Ten songs about anything other than romantic relationships.

I’ve Been Out For A Year!

I’ve been out for a year! (almost)

Exactly one year ago on April 20th 2022 I came out.

*sarcastic applause*

(For the sake of my posting schedule we can just pretend that it is in fact the 20th).

It was 5:17 P.M…

No. I have no idea what time it was. But it was a Wednesday, and I found myself sitting on the couch explaining my sexuality to my parents.

Although I have had this blog for quite some time, I have never shared my coming out story which is often a first area of discussion amongst queer communities. This story is one I feel comfortable sharing with my close friends and other queer individuals I meet throughout my life, however, I have no desire to share it with the whole internet. Maybe one day I will, but today is not that day. My coming out experience was not bad, but it wasn’t amazing. I was accepted with open arms and my family is very supportive. However, it was very emotional, and not something I love thinking about, as there were things I wish would have gone better. You never really understand how actually draining it is to come out until you have to do it, especially for the first time.

Nevertheless, here we are, and I’m really gay.

When I first came out I was still pretty “secretive” about my sexuality. It was hard to say “I’m asexual,” or “I’m queer” out loud. Today it’s practically as easy as saying my own name. I always knew there would be a time when I finally figured out my sexuality and lived out and proud as so many others did, and wow, why don’t you look at that, here we are!

In order to celebrate here are some things I have experienced, learned, and found out about myself as a very gay person.

I love rainbows.
I love gay jokes.
I don’t have to dress gay to find comfort in my sexuality. Although this was something I did at first, my style has evolved to feel like my own, and not a stereotype of what queerness is supposed to look like. Although, I do happen to dress pretty stereotypically queer because it’s what I like and it makes me happy.
I find myself not wanting to read books or watch movies or listen to music that is not queer or queer coded.
I did not realize how badly I needed queer friends and community.
I love discussing my sexuality and the complexity of human feelings.
Everyday my desire to live in a cottage and write poetry and marry a pretty person and own a pet cow grows.
I still contemplate labels for my romantic orientation, but not for long, and I really vibe with not labeling my romantic orientation.
When me or my friends make sex jokes about me it’s really funny.
Allo people confuse me less than they used to.
I am becoming more sex-averse/repulsed as sex becomes a more common topic of discussion on my college campus.

Here I want to make a special thank you to my friends and queer people in my life no matter if we’re best friends or just mild acquaintances through school or social media.

Hi people in my life. Thank you for letting me be myself. Thank you for letting me make gay jokes and wear silly little gay outfits and for liking my posts on Instagram about pride and giving me suggestions for queer media and sending me queer memes and loving me for who I am. I have found so much joy and confidence in myself this past year; it is truly unbelievable. I am the happiest I’ve ever been and continue to find even more joy in my life.

Not me getting emotional writing that last paragraph.

Coming out has truly changed my life and I cannot even begin to fathom how different and unhappy I would be if I wasn’t able to be myself. I am so incredibly grateful to live in a place that is so accepting and be surrounded by queer people and allies who love me for who I am.

Okay. That’s enough cheesy emotional gushy stuff for one day.

Love,

Jadey ❤

Be As Queer As You Want

I have unfortunately come to the realization that there are in fact homophobic people in the world.

The other day I attended my college’s gay club, as one does, where the president shared a story about transphobia in his work place. This incited a lot of fear for him, as he is a trans man, and for his own safety, has not revealed that to any of his colleagues, who were making transphobic comments. Although he played it off a bit as a funny storytime, it was obviously a huge concern and something that saddened and worried everyone in the club.

(As a side note, I am so extremely grateful for this club, it provides me with so much comfort and acceptance. I am so happy whenever we meet, and I didn’t know this was the kind of community I needed until I got to experience it. I appreciate everything the leaders of this club do and the safe space they provide).

On top of that, my campus was holding elections for the school government, and a rumor went around that one of the senators running was racist and homophobic and had made numerous remarks that were labeled as microaggressions. I do not know what kind of homophobic things this person had said, but I had unfortunately heard (through trustworthy sources) that this person had made weird and uncomfortable remarks about race. So, it is unfortunately very likely that this person is homophobic as well. (I will make a note here as well, that this person received very rude and inappropriate messages due to these rumors, which she should not have received, but that does not disregard the comments she made).

I am saying all this as a preface for the following concerns I have recently had.

I worry that I am too explicitly queer. That I make my queerness too obvious. That I make being gay and asexual too much of my personality. That my gay outfits and jewelry and jokes and topics of discussion are too predictable. When I wear a shirt that says “heterosexuality? in this economy?” and then discuss queerness, I worry it is annoying. I cuff my jeans and dye my hair and listen to queer artists. I paint my nails colors of the rainbow and wear ace flag earrings and look queer.

These two events have made me realize that is not the case whatsoever.

I must continue to be as queer as possible. I must continue to be so loud and gay and obnoxious not only out of spite, but for those who cannot. I have to be as gay as possible so I can grow up and be a queer adult. Do you know how many out and proud queer adults I can think of who I genuinely know? None. The amount of queer adults I simply know of in my personal life is less than I could count on one hand. I do not know any trans adults. Think about that. I rarely see adult queer people out in public because they are closeted, they don’t exist, or they aren’t alive.

Additionally, straight people are everywhere. And they are oblivious. A few months ago I had a fellow peer ask me if there were any boys I had my eye on. I was dressed in a way I thought read extremely queer, and was taken aback by this comment, as it was one I hadn’t received in a very long time. (This was probably a genuine question to include me in conversation, which I appreciate, but the directness of assumed heteronormativity threw me for a loop). Moral of the story is; straightness is everywhere. It’s in movies and books and on the street. It’s assumed and it’s the majority. Most straight people don’t even realize the world is so heterosexual unless they are educated on queer topics because heterosexuality is so normalized.

I live in a bubble of privilege. I am a cisgender white woman. I go to a liberal arts school and have friends who are allies and queer themselves. My parents support me for who I am. I have never received any sort of hateful or life-threatening comments from outsiders. I will never experience life as a queer person of color. I will never experience the discrimination my trans friends face.

The following was supposed to be a separate blog post, but I thought it was fitting to include here. I wrote this because I genuinely love being a queer individual, and I must always remind myself that my explicit queerness is important and life-saving.

Here it is:

I love being gay. I love being queer. I love being asexual and not labeling my romantic orientation. I love that I get to marry a pretty person one day and have cat children. I love that I have such a unique life. I love that I get to go to pride parades and gay clubs and wear rainbows. I love that I get to make gay jokes and learn about the community and read gay books and listen to queer music and meet queer friends and post on the internet every week about my silly little gay life. I love wearing gay little outfits and dyeing my hair and cuffing my jeans and wearing rainbow Converse and Doc Martens. I love the comfort and acceptance within my community. I love how caring and accepting my community has made me.

It’s obvious that I am passionate about being queer. I have seen what happens when people are not accepted or have been taught that queerness is wrong and should be fixed.

That causes my community to die.

That needs to end. Now.

You should be as queer as you want, whatever that means to you. If that means you wear rainbow clothes and pronoun pins and dye your hair five different colors, then do that. If that simply isn’t you and you don’t feel the need to be so outwardly queer, or it would compromise your safety, don’t.

Your queerness is beautiful and special and it should be celebrated. No one should take that away from you.

Alright. Go off and be cool gay people (or allies).

I Got a Conan Gray Inspired Tattoo

On my adventure to become an even hotter and sexier person I knew one thing had to be done: I needed to get a tattoo. I had always thought that maybe somewhere down the road I would get a tattoo if I came up with a design I absolutely loved. However, I am super picky about tattoos, and preferred ones that were fine lines in black or colored ink. I had seen a lot of ugly tattoos and did not want to be the owner of one.

Up until my nineteenth year of life a design like that had never spoken to me. Then, one day on TikTok I saw someone get lyrics from a Conan Gray song tattooed on their arm in Conan’s handwriting. This thought had never even occurred to me. When Conan’s most recent album, Superache, came out in June of 2022, he sold vinyls with pictures, a poster, and lyric sheets he had written in his own handwriting.

In the back of my mind, I loved this idea and considered it for myself, but I am indecisive, so I sat with it for a while. Plus, I had the “Astronomy” lyrics sheet that had a tiny Saturn and stars drawn on it, and I had been considering getting that tattooed somewhere, but never decided where I wanted it. Later, I decided I wanted lyrics from my favorite song, “People Watching.” It’s been my favorite song for years, plus that song is definitely aspec and queer.

I was worried it would be a bit cringe to get a tattoo inspired by my favorite artists. What if he’s no longer my favorite artist in two years? What if he does something super crazy and gets totally and completely canceled by society? (We all know that wouldn’t happen, Conan is too pure for this world). I never thought I would be one of those fangirls who practically dedicated their life to an artist, and maybe I’m not there yet, but let’s be honest, Conan is a huge part of my life.

The idea of a tattoo was in my head, and I knew I eventually had to get one. I considered behind my ear, and on my finger, but none of those places seemed just right. After scrolling on Pinterest, I saw lots of cute tattoos on people’s ribs, and decided I would be even hotter and sexier with a rib tat. Have you ever met an uncool unsexy person with a rib tat? I think not.

I had considered getting the words “people watching” tattooed on my ribs, but on another Pinterest scroll, I saw a graphic that said “love and emotion” and I knew what had to be done.

Here’s all the reasons I decided to get “love and emotion” tattooed on my body forever:

Conan brings me the most joy I have ever felt in my whole entire silly little life.
“People Watching” is my favorite song of all time.
Love and emotion is so me. I am so full of love, and I am so full of emotion.
Rib tats are hot.
The way Conan sings “love and emotion” in “People Watching” is so angelic and beautiful I knew I needed it on my body forever.
If this song ends up not being my most favorite, looking back on this and knowing how much joy and happiness this brought me at the age of nineteen would be a lovely little memory to have.
If for some reason I ended up hating it, I could easily cover it up and never see it.
It’s good for the plot.

I had the idea of getting a Conan lyric in the back of my mind for at least four months, and in January Fully committed to “love and emotion.” At first, I decided I would sit with it until the fall, and get a tattoo at the end of 2023 if I still wanted it.

That clearly didn’t happen.

One day, in the middle of January, I was walking back from math class, and “People Watching” came on in my headphones. There must have been something in the air that day because that song had never sounded so good, and I knew, I just knew, that I needed it on my body forever. Plus, I had the playlist on shuffle (Conan’s Complete Collection), and the song that came on right after was once again “People Watching.” I took that as a sign. (The song was added to the playlist twice, once as a single and once when the entire Superache album was added. What’s the chance that song plays back to back?!)

After that, I told my dear friend Rana my epiphany, and we began looking for a tattoo artist (since she wanted a tattoo as well). She found the location, and we did our separate research on the artists who worked there, coincidentally having the same favorite artist, who we immediately booked with. I decided to book for after my birthday in February (giving myself a whole month to wait). I knew I wanted to get my tattoo when I was 19, mostly because it sounded like a good age for a tattoo, and 18 seemed too young and irresponsible. Ironically enough, I ended up getting the tattoo three days after my 19th birthday, so maybe some of my 18th year decision making was still with me.

Rana and I weren’t able to get a tattoo appointment for the same day, so I watched her get hers first, and got mine the next day. Watching her get her tattoo got rid of almost all of my nerves, and replaced them with pure excitement. Rana got a rose on her left inner arm, and I can honestly say (not even as her friend) that it is the prettiest rose I have ever seen. The lines are so incredibly thin and the detail work is crazy good. I have truly never seen such a beautifully detailed tattoo like it before. Our artist did an amazing job.

At my appointment, I adjusted the words from the “People Watching” lyric sheet a tiny bit, in order to make the lines straighter and adjust Cone’s handwriting so it was clear enough to my liking.

I was hardly nervous. I was just so excited, and even once the tattoo needle was out, my nerves remained only a slight flicker.

Now. You know what everyone says about rib tattoos. That they hurt. I got my tattoo on the right side of my body, in a middle space between my stomach and right rib cage, so it’s visible when I wear a tiny top or a bikini. I would give the pain a 6/10. It definitely stung and was uncomfortable, but it was totally bearable. I would go through it again. Maybe if it was on my actual rib cage, on top of the bones, it would have hurt a lot more.

I was at the appointment for about an hour and fifteen minutes, but the actual tattoo process took about thirty minutes. First the artist did the outline of the words, then went back and filled them in. I focused on my breathing to distract from the stinging, and talked to my two friends who accompanied me. (I ended up paying $170 for it including tip).

Once the tattoo was done, I obviously got to look at it, and I was overjoyed. It looked so cool. The tattoo was bigger than what I originally had in mind, but in order for it to look good over time, a bigger size was necessary for it to last well, and size and location actually turned out perfect, and I had an awesome artist who I would definitely go to again and again.

Even after I got the tattoo, and still now, I can’t believe that I am actually a person with permanent ink on my body.

Future Jadey will insert info about the healing process here:

The hardest part about the first few days of healing was that it was covered in a clear bandage, so I could see the ink begin to bleed as my tattoo healed and liquid and gunk buildup under the wrap. That meant I couldn’t see my tattoo very clearly. All I wanted to do was look at it!! I kept returning to the photos I had taken in order to see it crisp and clear. I thought it might get irritated when I worked out, but it didn’t at all. (I waited until the third day to work out).

After one week I was surprised to report that everything was perfect. I took the bandage off after three days, and began a routine of washing and moisturizing the spot twice a day. I thought it might be painful, or annoying to sleep on, but that was not the case. There was no itching, and no discomfort whatsoever.

A final update: after two weeks it’s totally fine?! I thought it would itch or feel like something, but it didn’t. It did peel a bit, but it was hardly noticeable. I kept comparing the healing process to that or an ear piercing, as that was the most similar experience I had to compare it to. And let me tell you, a tattoo is way better than a piercing. I got my helix pierced four months ago, and it still hurts if I sleep on it wrong. My tattoo on the other hand is almost too easy to sleep on.

Now…the question is. Jadey. Will you get another tattoo? The answer is…

Probably.

I have a few vague ideas of what I would want, but I am in no rush whatsoever to get another. I would like to get some more piercings first, and that costs just as much as a tattoo, and unfortunately for me, my blog doesn’t make me any money, so I’ll be waiting a while for another round of anything.

Alright. That’s enough talking. Of course I love it. It’s Conan. I’m excited for it to be summer so I can show it off and see how it looks in a few months when it’s completely healed.

If you were looking for a sign to get a tattoo, this is it.

Gender…?

Today we’re going to talk about something I rarely write about.

Gender.

Why? you ask. Well, I’ve never written about my own experience with gender for two reasons. The first one is that as a cisgender female, I felt I had little to say about my own experience as a person whose gender identity doesn’t affect the level of homophobia I face. Obviously, as a female, there are definitely issues that come with that due to our patriarchal society, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that my experiences as a woman, and the problems I could possibly face, are nowhere near the struggles and oppression my trans or non-binary friends and community face. There is truly no comparison, especially since I am a white cis female.

As for the second reason…I have a very difficult time trying to explain my gender. Not because I’m not cis, but because once I start thinking about it, I end up in a crisis, and suddenly gender and stereotypes and everything around me feel made up and all I can do is sit and stare at the wall thinking about how everything around me is fake.

Now. That’s a bit dramatic. But if you really think about it, there is no way to be a man or a woman. Everything we know about “how” to be a specific gender is merely holding up stereotypes upheld by the patriarchy. And when you strip all of those away and let go of those stereotypes you are left with literally nothing. There is no way to be a certain gender. The only way to experience gender is through feelings. And yes, those stereotypes can help many people feel connected to gender through physical appearance and perception, but that only helps add to the feeling.

For example; if you identified as a male, you could feel really connected to your gender by going to the gym, wearing masculine clothing, or having a short haircut. That’s great. But, even without all of those physical identifiers or actions, you can still identify as a man. Taking away those physical traits, or ones society perceives as masculine, doesn’t take away your identity as a male. I really hope that makes sense.

Anyway, onto my own gender.

Before I dived headfirst into the LGBTQIA+ community, I had never really questioned my gender. I had always been pretty stereotypically feminine. I wore dresses and makeup and painted my nails and had long hair. Once I got to a point of understanding my sexuality and basically going with the flow of “I like who I like,” the same ended up applying to my gender.

“I feel how I feel.”

Yes. I’m a female. I use she/her pronouns. People perceive me as a female because of how my body looks and how I present myself. That’s chill.

The thing is…I don’t really care how people perceive me. I don’t need people to go out of their way to use different pronouns for me. But, if someone referred to me with gender-neutral phrases or feminine ones, I’d just be going on my merry way. Masculine phrases aren’t my favorite, but I don’t have a problem with them, and at the end of the day they’re just words. I know this is not the case for everyone, and words definitely do have an effect, but for me, it’s not the biggest deal with how people perceive my gender. And honestly, if strangers out in the world saw me and referred to me with gender-neutral pronouns because they didn’t know how I identified, I would prefer that, because that is making a more accepting space for those who aren’t cisgender.

Additionally, stereotypically feminine things don’t necessarily make me feel more feminine. I paint my nails and wear makeup because it makes me feel like me. Not because it makes me feel more like a woman, maybe it does subconsciously, but I have never put on a dress and felt more like a woman. Plus, literally anyone of any gender could paint their nails or wear eyeliner and that doesn’t make them female.

I’m just me. I’m just a person living on planet earth going through life. I don’t need labels for how I exist. I’m doing just that. Existing.