Category: Queer Media

Ranking the Queer Books I Read in 2024

Hello everyone. Today I am putting my English major to use and ranking some of the queer books I read this year. As much as I would love to rate all the gay books I read, that would be practically every single book my eyes glanced upon, so I won’t be doing that. Plus no one wants to read a twenty page blog post and I surely don’t want to write one. So instead, here are my favorites, plus a few that dramatically let me down.

Filthy Animals – Brandon Taylor

Filthy Animals is a linked short story collection following a young man named Lionel, and his romantic and sexual exploration with two ballerinas. Lionel is struggling to make connections, especially since his recent suicide attempt. This novel focuses heavily on human connections and the way people hurt each other. Half of this collection is stand-alone stories, my favorite being “Anne of Cleves.”

I would like to personally thank my creative writing professor for having our class read Brandon Taylor because my life was changed. Taylor is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors, and that says a lot because being a creative writing major has made me become a book snob like you wouldn’t believe.

Taylor’s writing is rhythmic and accessible. It’s lyric in moments and honest all the way through. His characters are real people with real flaws. Taylor’s characters are queer, people of color, rich and poor. His diversity isn’t for the sake of diversity but simply because that shows humanity. This was truly a fantastic read.

Rating: 8/10

Would I recommend it? Yes, absolutely.

I’m giving it eight points because there were a few short stories I didn’t care for as much as others. However, that is not to say they weren’t well written and interesting.

The Great Americans – Brandon Taylor

Another Brandon Taylor “novel” that deserves its own commentary because it was that good. Now, I say this is a “novel” because that’s what the cover told me, but really it was a linked story collection, with longer stories than FA.

This was more lyric than Filthy Animals, and the stories were longer and all connected to each other. I was more invested in these characters. This was largely focused on a poet and some ballet dancers. I’m a sucker for the arts. For stories about young, queer adults, Taylor does a fantastic job of pushing the story forward through witty and honest dialogue. Taylor also goes deep into the mind of his characters, always writing in third person. He’s become a huge inspiration for my own work and I look forward to reading more of his writing.

Rating: 8/10

Would I recommend it? Definitely!

I’m docking points because I really wanted this to be a novel. The first short story was fifty pages, and I was invested in the main character. I was disappointed to switch to another story. Additionally, a few of the characters were similar, and I had to jog my memory to make sure I was understanding the story right for who I was reading about.

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth – Andrew Joseph White

TSBIT is a Victorian gothic horror where an autistic trans boy communes with spirits and battles ableism, misogyny, and transphobia in 1883 London.

I am rarely a sci-fi/fantasy/horror reader, but this novel was very well done. Usually I hate world building and think there’s never enough, but this world was laid out well enough and close enough to ours where I could jump right into the novel and never be confused.

This was my most captivating read all year. I thought about this book for weeks after. A realm between the human and spirit world. A school for disobedient girls. T4T romance. I was hooked. Even the cover art was jaw-dropping.

I also read White’s debut novel, Hell Followed With Us, which was good and very strange, but not as good as TSBIT. Now I’m reading his third novel, Compound Fracture, which is currently not my favorite read. If you’re going to read any Andrew Joseph White novel, make it TSBIT.

Rating: 9/10

Would I recommend it? Yes.

This Book is Gay – Juno Dawson

This book is gay? More like this book is bad. Dawson attempted to write a nonfiction book surrounding queer issues and queer people’s experience, but what came out of it was a horrible read. I couldn’t finish it. No wonder this book is banned. It was terrible. “Jadey…I don’t think that’s why they ban books.” I know. But in this case I’ll allow it.

The writing was bad. The jokes were not funny. And the stereotypes were abundant. That’s all I have to say about that. Truly a terrible read.

Rating: 2/10.

Would I recommend it? Only to my enemies.

Here We Go Again – Alison Cochrun

Two ex-childhood best friends have to get together for a cross country road trip per their dying former English teacher’s request. Of course, these two friends are hella gay and have feelings for each other and end up falling back in love.

Alison Cochrun always writes demisexual characters and for that I must personally thank her. It’s always a nice surprise to pick up a novel and have discussions of asexuality.

It turns out when one of the characters in your novel is dying…they’re actually going to die. This book made me sob. Tears were pouring out of my eye sockets. I shed approximately a million tears. Read this at your own risk.

Rating: 7.5/10

Would I recommend it? If you want to cry and read about gay people, yes.

Exhibit – R.O Kwon

R.O Kwon was a guest author at my university this year and hearing her read and answer questions was a very cool experience. She came dressed in all black and read a scene involving kink and queer women. Awesome.

Exhibit follows a Korean woman named Jin, who is struggling with her marriage as her husband suddenly decides he wants kids and she doesn’t. At a party, she meets a ballerina named Lidija, and they hit it off. Jin starts an affair with Lidija while exploring her interest in BDSM, something her husband isn’t comfortable with.

I was disappointed by this novel. Don’t get me wrong, the writing was beautiful. It was phenomenal. However, it was prestigious. There were lyric lines that made me stop and re-read because they were so good, but they added absolutely nothing to the plot. While the premise of the book was interesting, a young woman getting into BDSM while having an affair with her husband, it wasn’t flushed out enough. There were many subplots going on that were unnecessary and never finished. There were so many interesting ideas about relationships, kink, family bonds, curses and superstitions, career goals, feminism, but it was all too much to really dive deep into the themes and say something.

For a book about kink it was shockingly vanilla.

Rating: 6/10

Would I recommend it? Unfortunately no.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue – V.E Schwab

A young woman named Addie makes a bargain that for eternal life every person she meets will forget her. For hundreds of years she lives a life of solitude until she meets Henry.

If you know me, you know I never take a BookTok recommendation. I have been let down time and time again. Thankfully, this book was recommended to me by a friend, and only later did I see it on BookTok.

This novel started out slow, but grew to be complex and interesting. The writing was absolutely beautiful. The plot was interesting. I thought it would be gayer. There were hints of bisexuality. Nothing crazy…Because Addie lived for so many years, it was interesting to see her live across centuries. Turns out you experience a lot when you live for over 300 years.

However, I would say this is overhyped. I’ve seen people be absolutely mesmerized with this novel and wish they could read it for the first time again. That’s a bit extreme. It’s certainly not a five star read, but it is very well done. This novel is euro-centric and mostly heterosexual, so do with that information what you will.

Rating: 8/10

Would I recommend it? Sure!

Alright. That’s all. Hopefully 2025 will be full of pure, perfect literature.

Ten Songs for When You Have a Big Gay Crush (or need to manifest one)

A new school year is upon us, and everyone knows that could only mean one thing: new suitors. Now, unfortunately I have long been the victim of unrequited crushes, so today’s post is simply setting my intentions for the school year. For people to like me back. For people to be honest about their feelings. For someone to throw rocks at my window and write me letters confessing their undying love to me.

Really, I’m just doing some light manifesting.

In order to do that I’ve decided to share with you my top ten songs I love to listen to when I have a big ol’ gay crush on someone. So without further ado, here’s that list.

“Ain’t Together” – King Princess

King Princess is probably one of the gayest people alive yet it seems as though none of the gays listen to her, so I’m here to change that. Her voice is beautiful. Her lyrics are awesome. She’s just my type and hot as hell.

This song is for the people in a situationship. The people who know there’s something up but don’t know where they lie. The people in homoerotic friendships, aka the people absolutely going through it.

Notable lyrics: “And I can’t watch this fall apart / We say, “I love you”, but we ain’t together”

Favorite lyrics: “Being chill, being chill with you / Oh, it kills, I ain’t chill at all, at all”

“Touching Yourself” – The Japanese House

This is actually one of my favorite songs to ever exist. This song comes on and I’m dancing. Suddenly I’m no longer asexual and I’m experiencing sexual attraction for the first time because this song is so hot. The mood is set and that mood is horny.

This song is for the people who are too far away – emotionally or physically – from the person they like. This is for the people who just want to touch the person they are crushing on but know they can’t.

Notable lyrics: “Know I shouldn’t need it but I want affection / Know I shouldn’t want it but I need attention”

Favorite lyrics: “I wanna touch you but you’re too far away / And when you call me, I’m all over the place now”

“Picture You” – Chappell Roan

Chappell Roan is my Roman Empire. Why? Because I’ve been a fan for years. I’ve been a fan since before” Red Wine Supernova” and “HOT TO GO!” I’ve been a loyal, avid, and enthusiastic Chappell listener since before the release of her debut album. She was my tiny talented indie artist and now everyone knows who she is. And of course, they should. She’s incredibly talented. But now she has freak fans and huge sold out venues and I’m worried I’m never going to see her in concert again and it’s no longer cool to listen to her music because every gay person and their mother listens to her.

This song is for the yearners. The people who are too afraid to say how they feel, so all they can do is hope that the person they like likes them back. This song is tragic and it hurts so good.

Notable lyrics:” Do you picture me like I picture you?”

Favorite lyrics: “Do you feel the same? I’m too scared to say”

“Ew” – Towa Bird

Towa Bird just released her debut album, and I will admit, it is certainly a debut album. However, she can shred guitar and sings about being gay, so I do like some of her songs. She’s also really hot, so that’s a plus.

This song is for the people who hate sharing their emotions. Who thinks being vulnerable is cringe. Who wants to be in love but the idea of it makes them sick. Overall, Towa Bird wrote this song about me.

Notable lyrics: “The way I feel about you stuck in my throat / I’m lovesick, I’m dying / I know it’s gross”

Favorite lyrics: “Love songs falling out my mouth”

“If I Can’t Have You” – Shawn Mendes

My heterosexual pop girly roots are making an appearance in this post. Shawn Mendes. He is capital “F” Fine. Now, I’m not an avid Shawn listener, but it would simply be a lie to say that I can’t get down with some of his music, because this song is an absolute banger. It hits every time.

This song is for the overthinkers. The girlies who feel clinically insane when they have a crush. Who feels the weight of the world on their chest when they think about the possibility that their crush may not like them back.

Notable lyrics: “You know that I hate to admit it / But everything means nothing if I can’t have you”

Favorite lyrics: “I can’t write one song that’s not about you”

“First Time” – Lucy Dacus

There’s a couple Lucy Dacus songs that shake me to my core and have an absolute chokehold on me with no plans of letting go. This is one of those songs.

This song is for the sapphics. The first time lovers. The girls who would upend their life for a chance to experience true love just once. The girls who let themselves fall hard and worry about the repercussions later.

Notable lyrics: “I can’t go back to who I was before I met you / I can’t undo what I’ve done, I wouldn’t want to”

Favorite lyrics: “I am just the fool you took me for”

“Gorgeous” – Taylor Swift

If there’s one thing Taylor Swift can do right, it’s right a song about being in love.

This is for the people who love to stare. Who hate not getting what they want. This song is for the people who want someone they can’t have.

Notable lyrics: “You’re so gorgeous / I can’t say anything to your face /’Cause look at your face”

Favorite lyrics: “You should think about the consequence / Of your magnetic field bein’ a little too strong”

“Girls Make me Wanna Die” – The Aces

The title says it all. Sometimes the crush you have hurts so bad it feels as though it simply would be better to be euthanized. Take me out to a pasture and pull the trigger.

This song is for the girls who can’t seem to fall in love. Who hate online dating. Who want to have a hot girlfriend but unfortunately don’t.

Notable lyrics: “These girls that make me wanna die”

Favorite lyrics: “She’s wearing my beat-up jean jacket so damn well”

“Disaster” – Conan Gray

It wouldn’t be an Average Asexual blog post if I didn’t mention Conan Gray at least once. And this was a hard one, because Conan has a lot of amazing songs. I’m an avid listener of “The King” when I have a crush to boost my self confidence, only to turn around and listen to “Footnote” and cry when Cone sings “So I’ll stop being pretentious and loathing our friendship.”

But, those songs don’t fit the danceable gay pop I have going, so “Disaster” it is.

This song is for the worriers. The people who want to protect their heart because they feel too much and don’t want to wallow in the heartbreak.

Notable lyrics: “’Cause the potential of us, it was keepin’ me up all night long”

Favorite lyrics: “Is it purely platonic to call me, like, every night?”

“(You) on My Arm” – Leith Ross

Leith Ross. My hero. My savior. My asexual icon. Leith Ross is criminally underrated and so is this song.

This song is for the daydreamers. The people who simply want to whisper “I love you” and hold someone’s hand.

Notable lyrics: “I wanna buy you / Pretty little things / And never ever lie to you / Watch you get dressed / And compliment your taste”

Favorite lyrics: “And nothing, no terrible dream / Could ever wake us / I don’t wanna wake up”

Alright. That’s enough manifesting for one post. We can’t get greedy after all. And here’s the link to my playlist affectionately titled “being normal (i have a crush and need to be euthanized).”

More Asexual Books You Should (and shouldn’t) Read

I wrote a blog post a couple months ago about books on asexuality that you should (or shouldn’t) read, and since then I’ve read a few more so it only makes sense that I should make a part two. And as always, I am gladly accepting recommendations/suggestions for books and authors to read!

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality – Sherronda Brown

At the end of the first blog post I mentioned that I was currently reading Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda Brown, and oh my god that book changed my life.

Now, this could sound stupid to some, but this book really opened my eyes to white supremacy and how everything (sex, gender, patriarchy, politics) boils down to white nationalism. And sure, I knew about this, but as a white person, I live in a little bubble of privilege and am clearly naive to the difficulties surrounding race, because I’ll never experience life as a person of color. The way whiteness is so deeply tied to society and heteronormativity and sexuality is so deeply rooted it is almost unfathomable. And it is so interesting to learn how asexuality, and especially Black asexuality, goes against these cultural norms. This book discussed race, the hyper-sexualization of Black girls, the fear of the Black phallus, BLM categories on Pornhub, disability, colonization, discrimination of aces in the queer community, asexuality as a white identity, and literally so much more. If you’re interested in critical race theory, or queer and gender theory, I’m sure you would find this book fascinating.

Rating: 8/10

Would I recommend it? Yes 100%.

Would I read again? Yes. This book is definitely a scholarly one, so it is not the easiest read, but it is incredibly interesting and super educational.

How to be Ace – Rebecca Burgess

Like the last blog post, this was another book that, to my surprise, was a graphic novel. And by now we probably know I’m not the biggest graphic novel fan, but that did mean that I could read this book in a day. As an ace person who occasionally just wants to read a silly little book about another ace person, this was a great option. Rebecca simply just talked about how they realized they were ace and the experiences they had surrounding that (mostly in university) and how that coincided with their OCD and anxiety. The illustrations were cute and it had a happy ending so I don’t have any complaints.

Rating: 7/10

Would I recommend it? Sure!

Would I read again? Probably not. It was good, and an easy read, but I don’t find myself reaching for graphic novels often.

The Charm Offensive – Alice Cochrun

When I picked this book up I didn’t expect any characters to be ace, but the main character is demisexual! This book was one I saw on BookTok, and if you know me, you know I have let BookTok screw me over again and again. I see a book on BookTok, everyone says they love it. I get said book. I read book. I don’t like book. I get upset everyone told me to read mediocre book. I go on BookTok. I pick up another book. The cycle continues.

Well thank god this book broke that cycle.

The Charm Offensive follows Dev and Charlie through a split POV as Dev works on a television show – basically The Bachelor – and ends up falling for the bachelor himself, Charlie. This is obviously an issue as Charlie has just realized he’s gay, and is most definitely supposed to fall in love with a woman on the show he signed up for to fix his reputation. This book was so cute. It was funny and sweet and I read it so quickly. Plus, there’s a tiny short story the author published called A Charmed Christmas that gives a quick update on the characters in the future.

Charlie is demisexual and Dev, who is allo, is nothing but supportive of this part of his identity. The ace representation was subtle, but nevertheless there, and that’s all I could ask for.

Rating: 8/10.

Would I recommend it? Yes!!

Would I read again? In a couple years I could definitely see myself picking this one back up for an easy, uplifting read.

Kiss Her Once for Me – Alice Cochrun

Because I loved TCO so much I obviously had to read another book by Alice. And to (slightly less) of my surprise, the main character was once again demisexual. I would bet a decent amount of money this isn’t a coincidence and Alice herself is demi, so that means I’m probably supporting ace authors by buying her books and that’s a win/win situation!

KHOFM is a Christmas romance, though I think you could read it any time of year. Ellie and Jack had a meet-cute a year ago on Christmas that lasted only a single day, and due to some events we learn about later cause Ellie to run from the situation, leaving this perfect woman behind. In the present Ellie is still heartbroken over this amazing Christmas love affair. However, she is struggling to make ends meet, so she decides to join a crazy fake-marriage plan with her boss who promises to give her part of his inheritance he’ll earn only when he’s married. Ellie and Jack end up meeting again, and Ellie has to figure out if she should stay loyal to her faux-fiancé or follow her true feelings.

This was super cute and wasn’t as predictable as you might think. Plus, the character’s met at Powell’s Bookstore, and I’m currently writing a screenplay where the characters meet as Powell’s which is a crazy, but cool, coincidence.

Rating: 7.5/10

Would I recommend it? Yes!

Would I read again? Like Alice’s other book I could see myself reading this again a couple years from now.

Asexual Erotics – Ela Przybylo

Asexual Erotics is not for the weak. Be warned: this book is a challenging read. And as someone very interested in queer theory, someone who consumes queer media, reads queer and feminist theory for fun, and is currently in school for a minor in gender and sexuality studies, this book had me scratching my head in confusion.

This book is incredibly academic. However, it is also incredibly interesting. While there are some paragraphs and sentences my brain skims over with lack of comprehension, there are certainly some amazing lines. Working on Audre Lorde’s theory of erotic, Przybylo defines erotics as “energy of collective struggle to end oppression” and ties this theory into race, lesbian bed death, feminist theory, spinsters, and the asexual child.

In order to explain this, here’s some sentences I found incredibly interesting:

“Ianna Hawkins Owens discusses how compulsory heterosexuality has uneven racial histories, such that whiteness has tended to emulate an ‘asexuality-as-ideal’ as demonstrative of a form of innocence, moral, control, and restraint, while black people have often been positioned as hypersexual so as to justify enslavement, lynching, and other instruments of racism.”

“Kathryn Kent argues that in the postbellum period and the early twentieth century, marriage signified differently for white women and black women such that white women sought self-autonomy through refusing marriage while black women sought self-determination and entry into the public sphere through marrying.”

I haven’t completed this book in total yet, and I’m currently about half way through. I found the introduction to be interesting, and the first and second chapter to be interesting but definitely more theorizing than actually proving anything. However, the second half of the book covers topics I think will peak my interest, so I’ll let you know when I finish,

Rating: TBD

Would I recommend it? Yes! However this is not for the faint of heart.

Would I read again? I can see myself using this as an academic piece in classes and discussions on asexuality. I would probably re-read certain parts and not the book in its entirety.

Love Lies Bleeding, Young Royals, and More Queer Media I’ve Recently Consumed

If there’s one thing about me, it’s that if I watch, read, or even look at something, it’s going to be queer. In honor of that, here’s my thoughts on some queer media I’ve consumed over the past month:

Love Lies Bleeding

Last week I saw Love Lies Bleeding in theater, and it was crazy. First of all, I will state my bias and say that I am down bad for Kristen Stewart. She is, truly, so fine. So, was my main objective for seeing this movie my desire to stare at Kristen Stewart on screen for ninety minutes? Yes. Plus, I love gay people, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a gay movie in theaters.

Starting with the positives, this movie truly captures every lesbian experience and stereotype. Only lesbians will meet, have sex, and move in with each other the next day. Only lesbians will point a gun at their girlfriend to make out with her three seconds later. And, only lesbians will flee their home, bringing only their fluffy orange cat with them.

This movie was entertaining. Kristen Stewart was hot as hell. The auditory and visual components of this movie were insanely cool and the acting was genuinely good. I gave it a seven out of ten, although I could be convinced it was a 6 if you really tried due to the whack ending.

There were lesbians, murder, cover-ups, family drama, corrupt police officers, body builders, and some really weird bugs. Plus, the gay people in the movie didn’t die, so I consider that a win.

Now, that doesn’t mean this movie was perfect, because I certainly have some questions for the director. The ending was crazy. I assume it was a metaphor, but I could have gone without it. Also, there was a trauma induced throwing up scene, where Kristen Stewart was yakked out of the mouth of her jacked girlfriend, where she was a slimy larvae looking creature, and that was just plain weird. Plus, a lot of people died, and no one saw the murders happen?! I know the police are corrupt, but damn, not a single neighbor saw a body being dragged down the stairs?

If you want to see an entertaining- grungy-80s-horror-lesbian-film, this is the movie for you. 7/10.

Late to The Party

Taking a completely different direction from that movie, two weeks ago I finished Kelly Quindlen’s novel, Late to The Party. I had heard really good things about this on TikTok (my first mistake) so I decided it was one I needed to read. Upon getting this book in my possession I did in fact realize that dear Kelly is the same person who wrote She Drives Me Crazy which I thought was just an overall bad book with annoying characters and juvenile writing. Unfortunately for me, and for Kelly, her writing hasn’t really seemed to improve since her last book. However, I did like this book more, but that’s not to say it didn’t have its faults.

First of all, the main character was annoying as hell. The writing was mediocre and the one word I would use to describe this book would be cringe. The main character had serious pick me energy, and blamed literally everyone else for her issues when they were in fact all her fault. The main character was 17 and was convinced she wasn’t a real teenager because she hadn’t kissed a girl or gone to a party. She was acting like she was the least cool person ever. Let’s be real right now, this chick just got her license and she’s acting like she’s forty and never tasted ice cream. Get a grip.

Unfortunately being a creative writing major has ruined my ability to enjoy books, because the entire time I was reading this I was workshopping it in my head and giving it some serious edits. But it did make me feel hopeful for the future because if a novel with this mediocre writing could be published, surely someone will want to publish me when I write my own novel.

That was a lot of negativity. I promise there were aspects of this book I liked. I did appreciate how the book didn’t focus on the character’s coming out. I prefer queer books where the characters are simply just queer. And, I am a sucker for a coming-of-age book. Plus, I may or may not have been close to tears or crying multiple times during this book. It was actually sweet, and I love young gay people meeting other gays and falling in love. It was kind of giving found family and I love that.

I was also pissed when I went on GoodReads and found that everyone and their grandma was giving this book a five out of five. Come on…

If you want a mediocre but sweet book about young gay kids that simultaneously makes you want to chuck your book across the room and cry happy tears, this is the book for you. 5/10.

“Alley Rose”

Conan Gray’s third album is being released on April 5th, and he’s released his fourth single, so of course I’m feeling super normal and not at all insane about it.

But seriously, this song is so good. And I know what you’re thinking. Jadey, you absolutely eat up every single thing Conan does. And to that I would say, you’re completely right. However, with the last few singles, upon first listen I wasn’t crazy in love. Don’t get me wrong, they’re bops, but it took some time for them to grow on me. But when “Alley Rose” came out, oh my god. I was speechless. I was flabbergasted. I was shaking in my boots. I was listening on repeat 24/7.

If you want a heartbreaking love song with one of the best bridges Conan has ever written, this song is for you. 9/10.

Young Royals

The third and final season of Young Royals came out and I’m going to be so for real right now…if this story wasn’t about gay people it would be painfully boring. This show is incredibly slow. There’s about one sentence every five minutes. Plus, it’s in Swedish, so I have to decide between subtitles or an English voiceover that doesn’t match the mouths.

To continue being honest, I also haven’t finished the season yet…and if it doesn’t end with Simon and Wilhelm smiling and being happily in love I’m going to actually be so upset.

I won’t give this a for sure rating just yet…but I can assume I’ll give it a solid 7/10.

A Bit Fruity

Matt Bernstein is the creator of the podcast A Bit Fruity, and if I could say one thing to Matt it would simply be “I love you.” If you are in the least bit liberal, or even know someone liberal, you probably follow, or at least have seen someone repost, Matt’s Instagram. Matt posts a lot about queer news and education about the community. They’re funny, critical, and somewhat recently started a podcast. And it’s saying a lot that I love it so much because I am not a podcast girly. I can appreciate one, but they can get boring. Never Matt’s! They’re funny, well-thought out, and so so interesting. As someone deeply interested in queer theory and politics surrounding queerness, this podcast was literally made just for me. I’m truly hooked every episode. New episodes are released on Tuesdays every other week, and let me tell you, Tuesday cannot come soon enough.

Definitely another 9/10.

Let’s Talk About “ace song” by Izzie Burton

As one does, I was scrolling on TikTok, and, thanks to the algorithm knowing me better than I know myself, came across a video of a person using a filter to tell you what asexual stereotype you are (there is also an aromantic one if anyone was curious). I got “You may of thought that wanting sex in high school was overrated.” Now, besides the minor grammatical errors in that statement, that is true, and although that was fun, I was mostly intrigued by the song that played with the filter. Upon my first listen it seemed to be a song about asexuality so I did some investigating (I clicked two buttons) and found out what song it was. Turns out the person who uploaded it was Izzie Burton and it was an ace song, which was literally called “ace song.” I immediately went to Spotify to see if the full version was out. (If you don’t know, a lot of people tease parts of songs on TikTok before they’re released.)

It was out, which was a great surprise to me, because as we all probably know by now, there are not a lot of asexual songs out there. There are a few songs that have been claimed as ace songs, but many of them are not written by people who identify as asexual. So, I was very interested to see what this song was about.

Unfortunately, “ace song” is not a happy song, but it was certainly one that represented the ace experience well. I decided it was only necessary to do an analysis of the song (being the English major that I am) and discuss the importance of ace voices.

To me, this song was the opposite of “We’ll Never Have Sex,” a song written by Leith Ross celebrating asexuality. “ace song” was a really cool alternate version of the ace experience. “We’ll Never Have Sex” is one of my favorite songs, discussing a simple relationship filled with love for the sake of love, without sex. However, it’s very important to have multiple narratives of asexuality. There seems to be (with a lot of minority experiences) a single narrative. There are assumptions made about the community that aren’t always true. “ace song” gives another experience of a relationship and the truth that ace relationships can be challenging and upsetting.

Izzie Burton is a singer who has been releasing music on all streaming platforms since 2022. She produces very stripped down songs with minimal production where her voice is the prevalent instrument. “ace song” is accompanied by a soft guitar track. I haven’t been able to find the full lyrics online so the lyrics here are simply what I heard.

The song starts out with the lyrics “I don’t want to kiss you, or maybe I do,” and damn we’re getting right into a classic ace experience. I personally relate heavily to this line, as an ace who likes the idea of kissing, but doesn’t actively participate in it. I want to want to kiss people. It sounds fun and romantic. But the actual idea of kissing someone makes me feel icky and uncomfortable.

That line is followed by “You said that you understood/I don’t think you do.” Burton seems to be singing about a romantic partner in this song, but this line is universal in the ace experience. No one, besides other aces, understand the ace experience. It’s quite a niche identity, and experiencing sexual attraction is portrayed as a universal experience. To no fault of their own, some of the most important people in my life will never know how I truly experience life. My mom and sister and best friends will never truly understand no matter how much research they do. They simply will never experience asexuality.

Later, Burton sings “I just want love.” Arguably, that’s what everyone wants. It doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual, but everyone wants to feel loved and accepted. When wondering about her feelings of love, she asks “But is it something I’m not capable of?” Although this is an ace experience, it reminds me of the aromantic experience, and the difficulty aros face with feeling like something might be wrong with them because they don’t experience romantic attraction (which there is obviously nothing wrong about that, aro people slay).

It seems that her partner seemed like a good fit, but Burton reveals that they are not when she sings “I thought you’d be different/that made it just hurt worse.” I understood this relationship to be one where Burton dates someone who is allosexual. They claim to respect her asexuality, but yet their actions say otherwise, hurting Burton more than a simple rejection of her asexuality from the start.

Then we have the most painful line: “But when you said something’s wrong/we both know that you meant me.” WOAH. I was nearly in tears hearing that for the first time. Burton expresses the painful realization that her partner isn’t happy in the relationship, and the blame is put on her due to her asexuality. Being an ace person, I can’t help but wonder if my asexuality, something I can’t control, is what deters people from dating me. Would people be interested in me if I wasn’t ace? Is my asexuality going to leave me alone and unloved? It’s a difficult thing to work through, and Burton lays the truth out so simply through such a difficult situation. I can imagine that nothing hurts worse than being rejected for a core part of who you are. This is definitely a large reason many ace people feel broken or not good enough, because our allonormative society views sex as a necessary part of relationships.

The last verse reminds me of Phoebe Bridger’s “Waiting Room.” In that song, Bridgers repeats the line “Know it’s for the better,” nearly forty times until the listener becomes numb to the sound. Although Burton doesn’t sing her line nearly that much, she does repeat the line “Just hold me, could that be enough?” quite a bit. The repetition of this line portrays her deep desire for acceptance and a relationship without sex. I relate to this line heavily, as I too desire a relationship where love is shown through simple forms of physical touch like being held by the person you love.

Anyway. Another day another ace analysis. I think this song is super slay and a great emotional song about the ace experience. I hope Izzie comes out with more songs about her ace identity. I know myself and other ace community members appreciate her art and look forward to more.

You can listen to the song on YouTube here.

Asexual Books You Should and Shouldn’t Read

As an English major, an asexual, and a writer, I think it is only fitting that I discuss what asexual books are good, and which ones are…not so good. Now, I have obviously not read every book about asexuality to ever exist, but I have read a couple, and I definitely have opinions on them. I am always looking to read more about asexual characters and experiences, so maybe one day we’ll have a part two.

Also, there is an issue with underrepresentation with ace stories, so my selection to choose form is not incredibly large. However there are a good number of ace stories I haven’t read, and definitely plan to work my way through.

Anyway, here are the books on asexuality that you should and shouldn’t read:

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex – Angela Chen

Ace was the first book I read on asexuality, and arguably the most well known book about the ace experience. I really enjoyed this book, and out of all the books I’ve listed, I found this one the most educational. There were some personal stories shared by the author about her romantic partner that I found frustrating to read. That was mostly due to the author’s insecurity and struggle with her ace identity. It was a very personal thing to include, it just wasn’t relatable to me as an ace person. She discussed great points of intersectionality in the community such as race, gender nonconformity, and disability. This was certainly the most thought provoking read on asexuality.

Rating: 4.5/5 (I previously gave this book a 10/10 when I talked about it here but I think that might be a touch too high).

Would I recommend it? Yes! I would recommend this to people in the community, other queer people, and allies looking for a deep dive into understanding the ace experience.

Would I read again? Yes!

I Am Ace – Cody Daigle-Orians

I Am Ace is written by social media content creator Cody Daigle-Orians. Cody is best known for their YouTube Channel, Ace Dad Advice. I occasionally watch their videos and decided to read their book to support an ace creator, my local bookstores, and to see if I, a reasonably well-educated ace, could learn anything from a book that was deemed one for “beginners.”

Turns out I had so many more opinions than I thought I would.

First of all, I hate the font. The font is weird and not dark enough and there is so much space in the margins and the words that are too big just jump all the way down to the next line leaving big awkward gaps where words are supposed to be. There were a lot of sentences in parentheticals which felt odd to me. The format of the book itself felt out of place. There were big bold questions and bullet points and lists and it didn’t read like a novel at times.

Additionally, and this is something I’ve found throughout Cody’s content, there was a lot of repetition about the stereotypes of asexuality. Listen, it is important to bring awareness to stereotypes and prejudices in the community, but as an ace person who has heard those, and has never experienced them myself, it was quite annoying. I don’t need to be reminded that people think I’m broken and weird. And even if I had heard those things about my sexuality, I don’t need to be reminded of it!

There were also a lot of bad analogies and ones that just didn’t make sense to me.

I learned about fictosexual and felt aphobic. Fictosexual is where people only experience sexual attraction to fictional characters and not people…listen…I’m all for supporting other aces…but are some of these micro labels going a bit too far?!

There were a few good things about this book. The personal anecdotes Cody told about themselves and their partners were interesting. There were some good discussions at times about ace joy and experiences, but overall the cons outweigh the pros.

Rating: 2/5

Would I recommend it? Probably not. I could see this beginning good for an ally wanting an introduction to quality, but honestly there are better books.

Would I read again? No.

A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexuality – Molly Muldoon and Will Hernandez

This book was exactly what it was titled. This was a graphic novel written by two aces to give new or younger aces an introduction into the community.

I read it in one sitting and even had my mom read it who found it educational but also confusing.

Because it was a beginner guide I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to learn, but even I learned something new! Turns out axolotls are a mascot for the ace community. I don’t know exactly why, probably because of the ace-olotl meme. But I don’t really need a reason. They’re cool so I’ll take them.

The only thing this book didn’t discuss was the more inner-community jokes and stereotypes such as aces love cake and garlic bread (those things were on the cover but weren’t discussed at length). It didn’t mention ace rings, but honestly I could see them making a part two and it would be really cute.

Rating: 4/5

Would I recommend it? Yes! This book would be great for anyone. Aces, allos, other queer people, young people, older people, everyone!

Would I read again? Yes but it was so short and simple I didn’t feel the need to go out of my way to relearn anything or revisit it because I knew a lot already.

Gender Queer: a Memoir – Maia Kobabe

I got this book for free at school during banned book week and read it in one day

While writing this post I decided to read the reviews, and oh boy were people mad. Now, I don’t know what libraries this book was in, but according to some very angry people it was in elementary school libraries.

I doubt that.

However, if it were, people definitely have a right to be mad because this book is not for kids, however it is definitely for those over the age of thirteen, and if this were in a high school library that would be acceptable. There are some sexual images, but honestly they were quite mild. If I, a sex averse ace, can handle them certainly an allosexual 60 year old republican can too.

This book was good, I can see this book being important for those figuring out their gender. This person shared real struggles,and although they were not ones I faced, and I sometimes did not agree with how e handled things, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad book. This was one person’s real experience, and e are obviously a talented individual who just wanted to share eir story.

No, this book was not indoctrinating kids. No, this book was not pornography as some angry republicans think. This book is for teenagers and adults looking to read a book about someone who isn’t a cisgender straight white man.

Out of all the books I read on this list this one is the least about asexuality. Although the author is asexual, this story was more about eir journey to figure out eir gender and eir asexuality was more of a subplot. This was also the only book I’ve read where someone uses exclusively neopronouns. At times the author seemed to be a bit insecure and lacked confidence to truly express themselves. This is obviously a relatable issue, but can be somewhat difficult (and by difficult I mean kind of annoying) to read. This person also talked about eir experience with receiving pap smears, and honestly I hope they talk to someone about it because they had an awful experience. I do think however they could have included more about how e should have handled that because it came across as scary and painful and overall bad, perpetuating the idea that reproductive health is scary and something you should avoid which is not a message we need to be sending.

Rating: 3/5

Would I recommend it? Sure!

Would I read again? Probably not. It was good but personally I’m not a big graphic novel person so I don’t typically reach for this kind of book.

Loveless – Alice Oseman

I talked (or yelled) about this novel here.

As for fictional books representing asexuality, this is probably the most popular, and for good reasons. This is the only book on this list where the character is also aromantic. I usually read books about asexual alloromantic characters because that speaks to my experience the most. The diversity in this book was great, the topics discussed were relatable, and friendship was prioritized.

Rating: 5/5

Would I recommend it? Yes 100%!

Would I read again? Definitely. Everytime I see this book in stores I think about how I want to reread it.

I’m currently reading Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda Brown, so I’m sure one day I’ll have another post dedicated to ace books. Until then!

Sex Education’s New Asexual Character Isn’t What Asexual Viewers Wanted

This post contains discussion of the fourth season of Sex Education and spoilers are included. Read at your own risk!

Sarah “O” Owens is Sex Education’s new and explicitly asexual character. She’s edgy, a woman of color, and a sex therapist. She’s breaking stereotypes of what it means for someone to be asexual. Heck, asexual activist Yasmin Benoit worked with the show to create the script to create O. This was an opportunity for asexuality to be portrayed positively in an extremely popular television show.

I was so excited. I knew if Yasmin, a creator I’ve been following for well over a year, created this character, she was going to be awesome.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I dislike this character immensely. She’s mean. She’s cold. She’s a bully.

All and all, she is unlikeable.

Now, from my understanding this wasn’t supposed to be the case. Yasmin took to Instagram a few days after the new season was aired stating that “some important moments were cut out or changed” from the original script, making O out to be a less likable character. According to the comments on that post by other aces, they find this is upsetting, but not surprising.

Important aspects of the character, including intersectionality of race, privilege, and acephobia were cut from the show. Yasmin states that “There was meant to be a scene of O receiving acephobic bullying in camp & deflecting by shifting focus to Ruby.” Unfortunately these lines were removed, and O was made out to be a bully, making fun of her friends to seemingly fit in with the other popular girls at camp when the girls were younger.

Yasmin even goes to say that “portraying an asexual character as inherently “cold” was dangerous.” I agree. We all know there are many asexual stereotypes out there, and portraying an explicit ace character as someone rude and selfish continues to push the narrative that asexual people are emotionless, robotic, and broken.

Understandably, “O was not meant to be a villain. She was a WOC being pushed out of a space she had found success in by a white guy who thought he deserved to be there more than her.” O does come across unlikeable, but that isn’t too shocking for the show. Many of the characters make frustrating decisions and at times are unlikeable, however, O seemed to have no likable qualities until later in the show.

Supposedly, O was “meant to be the target of a petty smear campaign that led her to being outed.” Some scenes from the episode where O was outed must have been changed, because as a viewer, and most importantly as an ace person, it did not seem crucial for O to come out in front of the entire school. I watched this episode, cringing at the debate knowing that O was going to come out, but praying that it wouldn’t happen. It was too predictable. The idea made me uncomfortable. Obviously it still happened.

There’s a scene where Otis and O are stuck in an elevator, or lift, as the British say, and they’re forced to talk to each other even though they’re rivals, campaigning to win the spot to have the only on-campus sex clinic. Why can’t there be two clinics…I guess that wouldn’t make for a good plot.

During this scene, O reveals how she just wanted to fit in with the other kids, and deeply regrets what she did to Ruby. She began learning about sex to seem educated around her peers, which became a passion for her and she ended up starting her clinic. Sadly, she asks “Who wants to have sex advice from someone who doesn’t have sex?”

Obviously, I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. I’m glad they portrayed the isolation that many aces feel, including myself. It is really strange to have everyone around you feel the same way, and you be the only one who doesn’t understand.

During this conversation Otis asks her if she said she was ace just to make him look bad, suggesting she is lying about her sexuality. I had a visceral reaction to this comment, cringing at how ignorant and aphobic it was. This was obviously meant to highlight aphobia and teach Otis, as well as the viewers how many ace people feel isolated, and aphobic comments do a lot of harm.

Finally, O seemed to come around after a more touching scene. She became friendlier with everyone, including Otis, who let O have her clinic on campus after seeing how much it meant to her.

I’m obviously upset that this character who was explicitly ace was very unlikeable. I really wanted a relatable ace character, and I feel as though I did not relieve that. O is breaking a lot of stereotypes for what it means to be asexual, and I so appreciate that, however I wish she did what the community expected of her.

This just goes to show that asexual representation is needed even more, and the media needs to put in more work to represent our community.

Songs About Sex That This Asexual Loves

As the owner of a gay blog and a music enthusiast I thought it was time for another blog post about music – this time with some irony. Today I am going to be sharing ten songs about sex that I, an asexual, love.

Now. It isn’t really that ironic that asexuals listen to songs about sex. There are so many songs out there, and a lot of mainstream songs are about love or sex. I am an asexual that loves pop songs, and as a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, there is nothing I love more than a good love song.

However, there are some asexuals or aromantics who prefer not to listen to music about romance or sex. They find it annoying, or gross, or honestly, pop-ey love songs are just not their preferred genre. Occasionally there will be songs about sex that I do not like, but I am unsure if that is because I’m ace or because the song is just bad. Usually the problem with songs is that the word choice is incredibly explicit. There are certain words that portray a pretty graphic sexual image and I find that (shockingly) gross. It just so happens that a lot of the songs I listen to happen to be about romance instead of sex. Then again, there are definitely as few that are as sexual as it gets.

Here are some songs about sex that this asexual loves:

Gummy – Isaac Dunbar

Isaac Dunbar is the king of indie alternative pop songs. If you’re looking for a song with witty lyrics, intense beat drops, and catchy harmonies, this is the guy for you. And, in my very correct opinion, he is extremely underrated. His most recent album, Banish The Banshee, has quickly moved up my list of favorite records. His song “Gummy,” the second track on this album, is very explicitly about sex, and it is so good.

In “Gummy” Isaac sings about an experience he had while under the influence of a certain special type of candy, and shouts about all of the things he is going to talk about, whether society approves or not.

Notable lyrics: “I’m talking ’bout sex” (obviously)

Additionally: “She likes my afro and my cheeky foreplay/We slow dance/She confessed, ‘Isaac, I thought you were gay’”

Dress – Taylor Swift

We all know Miss Taylor Alison Swift is the queen of pop music in every single genre. Indie, country, and electro pop, this gal can do it all. The following song is a fan favorite for its lyrics, relatable desire, and queerness (which you can read about here). I will admit, it is rare for Taylor to sing songs about sex as she has held up a good girl image for so long, but this song, off of her 2017 album Reputation, lets us know that Taylor is in fact, done protecting her reputation, and is going to write about whatever she wants.

Swift writes about a lover she is friends with, but wants oh so much more.

Notable lyrics: “Only bought this dress so you could take it off”

Additionally: let us be aware of the sensual gasps and beat drops throughout this piece.

Casual – Chappell Roan

I have a feeling Miss Roan is going to blow up once her album releases and she will be a household name. Chappell creates beautiful narrative pop ballads that will have you obsessed the first second you hear them. My friends and I can’t get enough of her, and are completely devastated. Her most recent concert was 21+ and we couldn’t attend. Chappell, if you’re reading this, please, please let us 19 year olds into your next concert. I’m begging.

Chappell sings about a relationship with a guy who is not taking it seriously, and the oh so complicated roller coaster of emotions that comes with it, one obviously being their desire for each other.

Notable lyrics: “Knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out”

Additionally: “I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner”

Need I say more?

Pussy is God – King Princess

King Princess is the crazy gay best friend you never had. Their vocals and lyricism never miss, and she creates songs that are slow and emotional, or sensual and powerful.

I don’t think I have to tell you what this song is about…

Notable lyrics: “Your pussy is God and I love it/Gonna kiss me real hard, make me wanna it/You know that it’s God, baby, when you’re around her/I’ve been praying for hours”

Mikaela…

Did you come? – girl in red

girl in red is an icon in the queer music scene. Her ability to produce banger after banger is unbelievable. Her lyrics, unique sound, and voice allow her to tell beautiful stories of queerness, and in this case, the anger after a devastating heartbreak.

In this song, which I would argue is one of her best songs of all time, Marie sings about a breakup where her significant other brutally cheats on her, and the obvious anger that comes with it.

Notable lyrics: “Was she good? Just what you liked?/Did you cum? How many times?/Did you do the things you know I like?/Roll your tongue, make her cum twenty times?”

Becky’s So Hot – FLETCHER

If you’ve got that one ex you can’t seem to get over, Fletcher is the gal for you.

Fletcher wrote this song about her ex-girlfriend’s new girlfriend, who yes, is named Becky in real life. And yes, we all know who her ex-girlfriend is, and all the drama that came with this song. It’s known on TikTok as the “Fletcher effect,’ and after this song was written, many well known internet lesbian couples broke up and caused a ton of drama on the app.

Notable lyrics: “Someone saw you out on Friday, saw you walking sideways/Guess you’re gettin’ fucked real good now”

Additionally: “’Cause Becky’s so hot in your vintage t-shirt/Ooh, she the one I should hate/But I wanna know how she taste”

How she taste?! Gay.

Bloom – Troye Sivan

Troye Sivan is truly the blueprint for what every queer indie artist desires to be. Catchy lyrics, narrative storytelling, and a true online presence, this man has a song for every gay experience ever.

One could argue this is about a lovely hike with some beautiful scenery, but we all know that is not what Troye was trying to sing about. If I really wanted to be a lit nerd and analyze this song, one could even suggest the location he’s in is the Garden of Eden, and woah, wouldn’t that be some religious symbolism and conflict between queerness and Christianity.

Notable lyrics: “It’s true, baby/I’ve been saving this for you, baby/Take a trip into my garden/I’ve got so much to show ya/The fountains and the waters/Are begging just to know ya”

Moment’s Silence – Hozier

No one, and I mean no one, does lyrics like Hozier does. I’m convinced Andrew Hozier-Byrne is a romantic poet of the 21st century. If you need a song about religion, Greek gods, and the beauty of women, this is your guy. I have no word to express the beauty in his voice and lyricism. Hozier is honestly the best lyricist I have ever heard. The things this man sings. I wish I could possess a single ounce of literary talent this man has.

All you need to do is read the lyrics to know what this song is most definitely about…

Notable lyrics: “A moment’s silence when my baby puts the mouth on me”

Boyfriend – Dove Cameron

Dove Cameron is mostly well known for her multiple roles on Disney, but her music career has exploded due to her iconic queer pop songs I, and many others, can’t seem to get enough of.

Dove wrote “Boyfriend” about an experience she had meeting another woman, where the night ended back at her place. This song is full of role reversal and feminism, and I am here for it.

Notable lyrics: “I could do the shit that he never did/Up all night, I won’t quit”

Nonsense – Sabrina Carpenter

This is one of the best pop songs of 2022. The rhyming. The lyricism.

Another song I don’t need to explain the context of:

Notable lyrics: “I’m talkin’ hope nobody knocks/I’m talkin’ opposite of soft/I’m talkin’ wild, wild thoughts”

Additionally: “How quickly can you take your clothes off pop quiz?”