As one does, I was scrolling on TikTok, and, thanks to the algorithm knowing me better than I know myself, came across a video of a person using a filter to tell you what asexual stereotype you are (there is also an aromantic one if anyone was curious). I got “You may of thought that wanting sex in high school was overrated.” Now, besides the minor grammatical errors in that statement, that is true, and although that was fun, I was mostly intrigued by the song that played with the filter. Upon my first listen it seemed to be a song about asexuality so I did some investigating (I clicked two buttons) and found out what song it was. Turns out the person who uploaded it was Izzie Burton and it was an ace song, which was literally called “ace song.” I immediately went to Spotify to see if the full version was out. (If you don’t know, a lot of people tease parts of songs on TikTok before they’re released.)
It was out, which was a great surprise to me, because as we all probably know by now, there are not a lot of asexual songs out there. There are a few songs that have been claimed as ace songs, but many of them are not written by people who identify as asexual. So, I was very interested to see what this song was about.
Unfortunately, “ace song” is not a happy song, but it was certainly one that represented the ace experience well. I decided it was only necessary to do an analysis of the song (being the English major that I am) and discuss the importance of ace voices.
To me, this song was the opposite of “We’ll Never Have Sex,” a song written by Leith Ross celebrating asexuality. “ace song” was a really cool alternate version of the ace experience. “We’ll Never Have Sex” is one of my favorite songs, discussing a simple relationship filled with love for the sake of love, without sex. However, it’s very important to have multiple narratives of asexuality. There seems to be (with a lot of minority experiences) a single narrative. There are assumptions made about the community that aren’t always true. “ace song” gives another experience of a relationship and the truth that ace relationships can be challenging and upsetting.
Izzie Burton is a singer who has been releasing music on all streaming platforms since 2022. She produces very stripped down songs with minimal production where her voice is the prevalent instrument. “ace song” is accompanied by a soft guitar track. I haven’t been able to find the full lyrics online so the lyrics here are simply what I heard.
The song starts out with the lyrics “I don’t want to kiss you, or maybe I do,” and damn we’re getting right into a classic ace experience. I personally relate heavily to this line, as an ace who likes the idea of kissing, but doesn’t actively participate in it. I want to want to kiss people. It sounds fun and romantic. But the actual idea of kissing someone makes me feel icky and uncomfortable.
That line is followed by “You said that you understood/I don’t think you do.” Burton seems to be singing about a romantic partner in this song, but this line is universal in the ace experience. No one, besides other aces, understand the ace experience. It’s quite a niche identity, and experiencing sexual attraction is portrayed as a universal experience. To no fault of their own, some of the most important people in my life will never know how I truly experience life. My mom and sister and best friends will never truly understand no matter how much research they do. They simply will never experience asexuality.
Later, Burton sings “I just want love.” Arguably, that’s what everyone wants. It doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual, but everyone wants to feel loved and accepted. When wondering about her feelings of love, she asks “But is it something I’m not capable of?” Although this is an ace experience, it reminds me of the aromantic experience, and the difficulty aros face with feeling like something might be wrong with them because they don’t experience romantic attraction (which there is obviously nothing wrong about that, aro people slay).
It seems that her partner seemed like a good fit, but Burton reveals that they are not when she sings “I thought you’d be different/that made it just hurt worse.” I understood this relationship to be one where Burton dates someone who is allosexual. They claim to respect her asexuality, but yet their actions say otherwise, hurting Burton more than a simple rejection of her asexuality from the start.
Then we have the most painful line: “But when you said something’s wrong/we both know that you meant me.” WOAH. I was nearly in tears hearing that for the first time. Burton expresses the painful realization that her partner isn’t happy in the relationship, and the blame is put on her due to her asexuality. Being an ace person, I can’t help but wonder if my asexuality, something I can’t control, is what deters people from dating me. Would people be interested in me if I wasn’t ace? Is my asexuality going to leave me alone and unloved? It’s a difficult thing to work through, and Burton lays the truth out so simply through such a difficult situation. I can imagine that nothing hurts worse than being rejected for a core part of who you are. This is definitely a large reason many ace people feel broken or not good enough, because our allonormative society views sex as a necessary part of relationships.
The last verse reminds me of Phoebe Bridger’s “Waiting Room.” In that song, Bridgers repeats the line “Know it’s for the better,” nearly forty times until the listener becomes numb to the sound. Although Burton doesn’t sing her line nearly that much, she does repeat the line “Just hold me, could that be enough?” quite a bit. The repetition of this line portrays her deep desire for acceptance and a relationship without sex. I relate to this line heavily, as I too desire a relationship where love is shown through simple forms of physical touch like being held by the person you love.
Anyway. Another day another ace analysis. I think this song is super slay and a great emotional song about the ace experience. I hope Izzie comes out with more songs about her ace identity. I know myself and other ace community members appreciate her art and look forward to more.
You can listen to the song on YouTube here.
Average Asexual 