As an English major, an asexual, and a writer, I think it is only fitting that I discuss what asexual books are good, and which ones are…not so good. Now, I have obviously not read every book about asexuality to ever exist, but I have read a couple, and I definitely have opinions on them. I am always looking to read more about asexual characters and experiences, so maybe one day we’ll have a part two.

Also, there is an issue with underrepresentation with ace stories, so my selection to choose form is not incredibly large. However there are a good number of ace stories I haven’t read, and definitely plan to work my way through. 

Anyway, here are the books on asexuality that you should and shouldn’t read: 

1. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex – Angela Chen

Ace was the first book I read on asexuality, and arguably the most well known book about the ace experience. I really enjoyed this book, and out of all the books I’ve listed, I found this one the most educational. There were some personal stories shared by the author about her romantic partner that I found frustrating to read. That was mostly due to the author’s insecurity and struggle with her ace identity. It was a very personal thing to include, it just wasn’t relatable to me as an ace person. She discussed great points of intersectionality in the community such as race, gender nonconformity, and disability. This was certainly the most thought provoking read on asexuality.

Rating: 4.5/5 (I previously gave this book a 10/10 when I talked about it here but I think that might be a touch too high). 

Would I recommend it? Yes! I would recommend this to people in the community, other queer people, and allies looking for a deep dive into understanding the ace experience. 

Would I read again? Yes!

2. I Am Ace – Cody Daigle-Orians

I Am Ace is written by social media content creator Cody Daigle-Orians. Cody is best known for their YouTube Channel, Ace Dad Advice. I occasionally watch their videos and decided to read their book to support an ace creator, my local bookstores, and to see if I, a reasonably well-educated ace, could learn anything from a book that was deemed one for “beginners.” 

Turns out I had so many more opinions than I thought I would. 

First of all, I hate the font. The font is weird and not dark enough and there is so much space in the margins and the words that are too big just jump all the way down to the next line leaving big awkward gaps where words are supposed to be. There were a lot of sentences in parentheticals which felt odd to me. The format of the book itself felt out of place. There were big bold questions and bullet points and lists and it didn’t read like a novel at times. 

Additionally, and this is something I’ve found throughout Cody’s content, there was a lot of repetition about the stereotypes of asexuality. Listen, it is important to bring awareness to stereotypes and prejudices in the community, but as an ace person who has heard those, and has never experienced them myself, it was quite annoying. I don’t need to be reminded that people think I’m broken and weird. And even if I had heard those things about my sexuality, I don’t need to be reminded of it!

There were also a lot of bad analogies and ones that just didn’t make sense to me. 

I learned about fictosexual and felt aphobic. Fictosexual is where people only experience sexual attraction to fictional characters and not people…listen…I’m all for supporting other aces…but are some of these micro labels going a bit too far?!

There were a few good things about this book. The personal anecdotes Cody told about themselves and their partners were interesting. There were some good discussions at times about ace joy and experiences, but overall the cons outweigh the pros. 

Rating: 2/5 

Would I recommend it? Probably not. I could see this beginning good for an ally wanting an introduction to quality, but honestly there are better books. 

Would I read again? No.

3. A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexuality – Molly Muldoon and Will Hernandez 

This book was exactly what it was titled. This was a graphic novel written by two aces to give new or younger aces an introduction into the community. 

I read it in one sitting and even had my mom read it who found it educational but also confusing. 

Because it was a beginner guide I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to learn, but even I learned something new! Turns out axolotls are a mascot for the ace community. I don’t know exactly why, probably because of the ace-olotl meme. But I don’t really need a reason. They’re cool so I’ll take them. 

The only thing this book didn’t discuss was the more inner-community jokes and stereotypes such as aces love cake and garlic bread (those things were on the cover but weren’t discussed at length). It didn’t mention ace rings, but honestly I could see them making a part two and it would be really cute. 

Rating: 4/5 

Would I recommend it? Yes! This book would be great for anyone. Aces, allos, other queer people, young people, older people, everyone! 

Would I read again? Yes but it was so short and simple I didn’t feel the need to go out of my way to relearn anything or revisit it because I knew a lot already. 

4. Gender Queer: a Memoir – Maia Kobabe

I got this book for free at school during banned book week and read it in one day

While writing this post I decided to read the reviews, and oh boy were people mad. Now, I don’t know what libraries this book was in, but according to some very angry people it was in elementary school libraries. 

I doubt that.

However, if it were, people definitely have a right to be mad because this book is not for kids, however it is definitely for those over the age of thirteen, and if this were in a high school library that would be acceptable. There are some sexual images, but honestly they were quite mild. If I, a sex averse ace, can handle them certainly an allosexual 60 year old republican can too. 

This book was good, I can see this book being important for those figuring out their gender. This person shared real struggles,and although they were not ones I faced, and I sometimes did not agree with how e handled things, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad book. This was one person’s real experience, and e are obviously a talented individual who just wanted to share eir story. 

No, this book was not indoctrinating kids. No, this book was not pornography as some angry republicans think. This book is for teenagers and adults looking to read a book about someone who isn’t a cisgender straight white man. 

Out of all the books I read on this list this one is the least about asexuality. Although the author is asexual, this story was more about eir journey to figure out eir gender and eir asexuality was more of a subplot. This was also the only book I’ve read where someone uses exclusively neopronouns. At times the author seemed to be a bit insecure and lacked confidence to truly express themselves. This is obviously a relatable issue, but can be somewhat difficult (and by difficult I mean kind of annoying) to read. This person also talked about eir experience with receiving pap smears, and honestly I hope they talk to someone about it because they had an awful experience. I do think however they could have included more about how e should have handled that because it came across as scary and painful and overall bad, perpetuating the idea that reproductive health is scary and something you should avoid which is not a message we need to be sending. 

Rating: 3/5

Would I recommend it? Sure!

Would I read again? Probably not. It was good but personally I’m not a big graphic novel person so I don’t typically reach for this kind of book.

5. Loveless – Alice Oseman

I talked (or yelled) about this novel here. 

As for fictional books representing asexuality, this is probably the most popular, and for good reasons. This is the only book on this list where the character is also aromantic. I usually read books about asexual alloromantic characters because that speaks to my experience the most. The diversity in this book was great, the topics discussed were relatable, and friendship was prioritized. 

Rating: 5/5

Would I recommend it? Yes 100%!

Would I read again? Definitely. Everytime I see this book in stores I think about how I want to reread it. 

I’m currently reading Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda Brown, so I’m sure one day I’ll have another post dedicated to ace books. Until then!

• Asexuality
• Queer Media