Today I am going to be listing off things, thoughts, actions, interests, any other descriptive word, that makes me wonder “Is that an ace thing?” Sometimes I’ll be going about my day and have a realization, and I will wonder if that is a universal feeling, a me feeling, or just an ace thing. So, if you’re ace, please weigh in. I think some of these things are going to be ace experiences, and others might be funny coincidences. Nevertheless, let’s begin. 

1. Aces Enjoy Being Sober

Now. As an underage college student  I obviously have never touched a drop of alcohol in my life. Edibles? I have never heard of such a thing. Marijuana? Couldn’t be me…(cough cough hint hint nudge nudge). So…the following statements are totally and surely hypothetical. 

I will start by saying that no matter your age, but especially as a college student, it is incredibly important to use substances responsibly and with people you feel safe with. Thankfully I have a lovely group of friends who support me whether I choose to endeavor into adult substances or choose to remain sober, and most of the time I choose to be, as they say, stone cold sober. Now. I have never had a bad experience under the influence and have always consumed a non-concerning amount of alcohol. However, I rarely do because I just don’t have that much interest in it. Sure, it’s fun to try. It’s a different group activity than what I usually do. But I just don’t see the major appeal. In my mind that groups into the face thing with the no sex bit. Why drink alcohol or have sex when I could eat a cookie and watch a movie? 

There has been a study done which I’ll link here (link!) that discusses how ace people are less likely to drink. The culture with drinking is usually surrounded by hookup culture, and that obviously is not the ideal spot for a majority of asexual or aromantic people. 

2. Clothes Don’t Sexualize You

Let’s see if I can explain this correctly. You can wear sexy clothes and be sexy in them if you decide that. If you just think they’re cute, and enjoy wearing them but are sexualized, that’s a societal issue. And there’s an aura, an energy, about those who wear hot or sexy clothes for the purpose of being hot or sexy. 

It’s ultimately up to the person to decide if something they’re wearing or doing is sexual. If I put on a tiny top and called it “slutty,” I would say that in a sense that I’m showing a lot of skin and society would probably sexualize me. But, in my ace mind, I’m simply wearing a shirt I look hot in, and by no means am trying to get people to notice me. 

Does that make sense? Wear what you want and I don’t care. As long as your clothing doesn’t impact your life or is so revealing that it is actually going to bother others…wear what you want. It doesn’t matter. 

3. I Don’t Want Kids 

Plenty of people don’t want kids for a variety of reasons. Plenty of heterosexual, cisgender people don’t want kids. I think my no-kids view has to do with my asexuality, but also with the fact that I just don’t love children. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited to be the cool aunt. I can’t wait until my nieces and nephews (or niblings) visit me in my future cottage and I read them books and teach them cool things and am the coolest, most funny aunt ever. However, I feel no desire to raise them for the next 18+ years. That seems like so much work. Work I wouldn’t enjoy. I would rather raise cats and a pet cow. 

Also, it is possible that I would have to be pregnant to have kids. And there is truly not a single brain cell in my mind that can imagine that. I have no desire to be pregnant. To birth a child. If I had kids I would adopt, and I thought that for a while until recently when I realized I don’t want kids at all. From a young age I knew I wanted to adopt if I had children and looking back that must have been a subconscious asexual thing.

Maybe if my future partner really wants kids and I get older I might want them. Never say never as they say. But also…it seems unlikely. 

4. Weddings Are Way Too Big a Deal

Weddings seem like way too much work for what they are. So many people. So many details. So. Much. Money. Not to mention weddings feel super heteronormative and Jesus-y. Not my vibe. (Obviously not all, this is just a general claim). 

Now, I’m not saying it’s all bad. Because I want to be proposed to so badly. However, I do not want a gigantic wedding. Instead, I would love a little party with my family and friends where we can listen to music and eat cake and I have an opportunity to wear a dress that isn’t white and have a stunning moss agate wedding ring. My future partner and I can sign the papers ahead of time and do the legal thing. It doesn’t need to be a huge deal. I think there’s an aspect of straight culture that is all “get married and you can stop trying” when in reality I want to get married because it’s romantic and I can have a party to celebrate queer love.

Additionally, I want to keep my last name. I have a memory of being in the fifth grade and thinking how I would keep my last name unless my husband had a really good one that was even better than mine. Obviously I don’t want the husband part but my point still stands. And, I am no way opposed to a hyphenated last name. Imagine I write a gay little book and I get to have my name on it as well as my partner’s last name added right on the end of mine. That’s adorable. 

5. Aces Always Play an Instrument

I have never met an ace person who does not play an instrument. I play the violin, and if I think back to every ace person I know now or knew in high school it is 100% true that they are in some kind of music program. This one must be a coincidence but it is pretty funny that every ace person I know lives in the music department of their school. 

6. Aces Are Hot and in a Relationship

I have never met an ugly ace person. I have never met an uncool ace person. And I also have never met an ace person who hasn’t been in a relationship or is currently in one. Aces pull people. Probably because we’re hot. And if you’re ace and not in a relationship it’s probably because you don’t want to be or you’re simply waiting for your perfect ace partner to come along. 

This probably ties back with the previous point that aces are cool and musicians are cool. When I tell you how happy I would be if I had a musician/rocker girlfriend or partner. Hot. 

Alright. That’s all. What was this but another blog post scraping my brain for silly ace experiences. 

• Asexuality