Today we’re going to talk about something I rarely write about.

Gender. 

Why? you ask. Well, I’ve never written about my own experience with gender for two reasons. The first one is that as a cisgender female, I felt I had little to say about my own experience as a person whose gender identity doesn’t affect the level of homophobia I face. Obviously, as a female, there are definitely issues that come with that due to our patriarchal society, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that my experiences as a woman, and the problems I could possibly face, are nowhere near the struggles and oppression my trans or non-binary friends and community face. There is truly no comparison, especially since I am a white cis female. 

As for the second reason…I have a very difficult time trying to explain my gender. Not because I’m not cis, but because once I start thinking about it, I end up in a crisis, and suddenly gender and stereotypes and everything around me feel made up and all I can do is sit and stare at the wall thinking about how everything around me is fake. 

Now. That’s a bit dramatic. But if you really think about it, there is no way to be a man or a woman. Everything we know about “how” to be a specific gender is merely holding up stereotypes upheld by the patriarchy. And when you strip all of those away and let go of those stereotypes you are left with literally nothing. There is no way to be a certain gender. The only way to experience gender is through feelings. And yes, those stereotypes can help many people feel connected to gender through physical appearance and perception, but that only helps add to the feeling. 

For example; if you identified as a male, you could feel really connected to your gender by going to the gym, wearing masculine clothing, or having a short haircut. That’s great. But, even without all of those physical identifiers or actions, you can still identify as a man. Taking away those physical traits, or ones society perceives as masculine, doesn’t take away your identity as a male. I really hope that makes sense. 

Anyway, onto my own gender. 

Before I dived headfirst into the LGBTQIA+ community, I had never really questioned my gender. I had always been pretty stereotypically feminine. I wore dresses and makeup and painted my nails and had long hair. Once I got to a point of understanding my sexuality and basically going with the flow of “I like who I like,” the same ended up applying to my gender. 

“I feel how I feel.” 

Yes. I’m a female. I use she/her pronouns. People perceive me as a female because of how my body looks and how I present myself. That’s chill. 

The thing is…I don’t really care how people perceive me. I don’t need people to go out of their way to use different pronouns for me. But, if someone referred to me with gender-neutral phrases or feminine ones, I’d just be going on my merry way. Masculine phrases aren’t my favorite, but I don’t have a problem with them, and at the end of the day they’re just words.  I know this is not the case for everyone, and words definitely do have an effect, but for me, it’s not the biggest deal with how people perceive my gender. And honestly, if strangers out in the world saw me and referred to me with gender-neutral pronouns because they didn’t know how I identified, I would prefer that, because that is making a more accepting space for those who aren’t cisgender. 

Additionally, stereotypically feminine things don’t necessarily make me feel more feminine. I paint my nails and wear makeup because it makes me feel like me. Not because it makes me feel more like a woman, maybe it does subconsciously, but I have never put on a dress and felt more like a woman. Plus, literally anyone of any gender could paint their nails or wear eyeliner and that doesn’t make them female. 

I’m just me. I’m just a person living on planet earth going through life. I don’t need labels for how I exist. I’m doing just that. Existing. 

• Uncategorized