I feel like I’ve been out forever.

It always catches me by surprise when I remember that I came out this year. I feel like I’ve been out my whole life. Although I jokingly refer back to a time when I was “straight,” that feels like another version of Jadey, one I knew in a dream, or a very distant past. 

Last spring (April 2022) I came out to my immediate family. After that, a whirlwind of growth and change filled the next few months; the biggest event being that I entered into a queer relationship. At the time, trying to navigate that relationship while choosing who to come out to and when, was more stressful than I had expected. 

Looking back, being in a relationship so soon after I came out was honestly the best thing that could have happened to me. My partner and I loved each other and had no desire to hide our relationship. Because I loved her so fiercely, it pushed me out into the open with my own queerness. I wasn’t going to hide her and who we were. Dating her gave me just another opportunity to be openly out, whether it was holding hands in public or discussing my relationship with a curious family member or friend. 

I went to Pride for the first time this year! I’ve wanted to go to Pride for years, and this year was the opportunity. It was amazing to be in a space where I could openly hold my girlfriend’s hand and see people who understood me for who I was. Never in my life had I been in a place where it was assumed that I was queer. It was a beautiful experience. It was also amazing to see my community represented and to see the ace flag being raised proudly in the parade. 

As time went on, I became a lot more comfortable with my sexuality. By being in a relationship I learned what I was comfortable with physically and emotionally, how I wanted to be loved, and how I express love through my unique attraction. 

Because of all of that, I ended up starting this blog. Writing about my experiences has allowed me to reflect on what my identity means to me; bringing me comfort as well as confidence in my queerness.

Right after I started this blog I began college. It’s wild to think that I was in high school this year. I feel like I’ve been in college for ages. It was a really good change for me to leave home and be on campus. I definitely felt a bit of resistance to be out in high school, and to be so open about my queerness. I wasn’t too afraid of how people at school would react; friends or teachers, but I was a bit hesitant to be out on social media, where lots of people would see me for me, even those who do not share the same beliefs as me. 

Leaving for college gave me a fresh start. I entered what I’ve been calling my “gayer in college era,” where my fresh start meant a time where I could dress in a queer way, as well as post and talk about my queerness on social media and in my everyday life. 

Once I got to school I immediately joined my school’s Pride club and have attended every week. I get to learn about lots of gay things in college. In one class we regularly read about gender and the patriarchy and heteronormativity and it is so cool. 

I also ended my first relationship this year. Although it was not something I wanted to do, it was best for my partner and our respective aspec identities and what we needed in a relationship. Being the gay people we are, we are still best friends, we are just no longer dating and using language that would refer to ourselves in that way. Dealing with the heartbreak that came from that forced me to reflect on the happiness and growth we both had during our time together as a couple. It’s truly been amazing to see how I’ve grown in my identity, and how she was unknowingly such a big factor in that. That just goes to show that having a community, having people, specifically other queer people, around me has been life changing. 

See? I feel like that’s a lot of things for barely eight months of being out. It feels like eight years. It’s almost exhausting to think about. I guess I’ll have to keep writing out my thoughts and living life as authentically as possible to keep having things to post on the blog.

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